# Big thanks to the NHS



## ottostein (Sep 11, 2012)

Ok grab a brew because its a long one, Not a negative view either.


So over the past few weeks i have been struggling with life and all the boring bits which come with it but what it really boiled down to was money, woman and general stress.
I had decided that enough was enough and I wanted to end it all Saturday 4th May 2013 so popped a load of tablets, said goodbye to my dog and partner and went to rest my head. 20 mins later and i start to feel all funny, head spinning, hot and cold flushes, full of energy and then like i've ran the marathon. 

Around 40 or so minutes later im spewing everywhere. Finally finish and go back to bed. I'm not to sure what happened for an hr or so but my partner told me I had 2 seizures lasting 5 - 6 mins each, I told her not to ring the ambulance as I was sick so she didn't and went back to bed. I end up spewing for the rest of the day so a good 6 - 7 hrs worth, by this time im shaking, vomiting what looks like runny bum juice and sweating like an eskimo in Iraq! 

Then came the 3rd seizure and my partner was worried then so decided to ring 111 which is the non emergency number for the health care teams dotted around the UK. Swiftly came along a nice student paramedic who didn't judge me or call me stupid *Had one paramedic before call me fat!!!* and he looked like he loved his job and genuinely cared. Also took a shine to the detailing kit in the house and asked what it was all for which took my mind off everything at the time. They radio'd for a crew to come and collect me by this time he had got bored of the detailing talk lol. Still shaking like an epileptic at a night club he somehow managed to get a canula into my arm first time and i didn't even feel it. Now all 4 paras are in the house and the dog is going crazy around them jumping up and stuff, they all seemed to like him though which was good as he picks up on nervousness quite easily. Managed to get my weak and pathetic body down the stairs realizing that it hasn't worked and now in the back of their minds they are probably thinking what a waste of time this bloke is!

In the back of the ambulance I was resting on the bed kind of drifting in and out whilst the paramedic was talking to me and my partner. He did all the tests etc which came back normalish. I had a HR of around 110 - 115 and a temp of 28.6 which he was slightly concerned about. He then said do you want some paracetamol for your temp to which my partner said i dont think thats the best of ideas as he has taken a fair few. 

Arrive at the hospital and into the A & E overspill and was seen quite quickly, there was a cute kid which was playing up for the doctors and his mother which made me incredibly happy  told them what i had taken *around 24 - 25g of paracetamol, a load of our flatmates antidepressants and some german herbal remedy which decided to rear its ugly head later on but ill explain all.* and she said that she would start treatment right away to prevent any perminant damage to my organs. Was then carted off to the CT scanner for a head scan and the nice woman commented on my tattoo running the length of my spine, had the scan and went into the main A&E department. 

Came back as i did have a brain but no physical reason to show that i had anything which they could tie to the seizures. Anyway alot of hoo ha later on if i was to be sent home or admitted and speaking to a girl outside my room I got taken to the ward in which i was to stay the night. 

Was greeted by a lovely smile from the night staff nurse *must have been a new nurse as she looked quite young* and my new room mate. Got me all settled and sorted for the night and told me if i need anything at all just press the buzzer. 

No more seizures throughout the night which was good but kept having little arm attacks which led to the canula coming off and leaving an impressive stain on the bed *Looked like a crime scene from CSI!* Then I saw the ugly side of drunks. A diabetic man came in as he had been drinking and had had a hypo attack so was brought into the ward and everyone knew him, nice as pie at first but then he soon lashed out and decided he didnt want any help and started getting gobby and abusive. He was like that for around 5mins before the security had arrived but by this point I was ready to tell him to sit down and shut up or else. Then out of the blue he just changed to my happy go lucky again. 

Come the morning and i was woken up by the same nurse that had welcomed me onto the ward and said "I've got a little prick here for you" to which i immedatly told her i dont think so and got very defensive, but i had misheard her as she said "just a small sharp prick" as she took some more blood from me! I said sorry and that i am quite grumpy when i had no sleep. The docs did their rounds and had a chat with me about what happened and why but i couldnt remember why i did it at the time. A few more chats with the docs and nurses and HCA's they managed to stick me in with a memeber of the crisis team to have a chat about everything but it felt like she was judging me and that was the only time where i felt that someone was vindicating my actions. Maybe its because i couldnt look at her in the face or what but it helped to get it all off my chest. 

I was released earlier at 1PM ish and said thankyou and placed £5 for the staffs tea money in a envelope as a small gift to say thankyou. They will be getting a letter sent to the ward aswell as a token of my gratitude for putting up with me. Seeing what went on in my care was eye opening to say the least. was probably the first time that i really felt that someone cared properly about my care and mental health issues. 


So for anyone who works in the NHS or has a friend/family/partner just tell them from me a MASSIVE thankyou for all the work that you put into caring for idiots like me and others who actually need looking after. I know its going to get real  before it gets better but i dont think that i will be trying to take my life any time soon! They made me realise that life is more than women and trying to make everyone else happy and even the nice nurse said that  rolls downhill and its always you that gets dumped on. 


Thankyou for taking the time to read this, I guess its just a massive thankyou note and it helps to get it off my chest and to tell someone other than the dog lol!

Rich


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## Estoril-5 (Mar 8, 2007)

All the best dude.

That was quite a read, my bro is a doctor in the nhs. I'll tell him, he'll appreciate it as not many people do.

Take it easy


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## Mattodl (Sep 13, 2012)

I read the first paragraph and decided not to read on. I'll keep it as nice as i can but i have family members who are terminally ill battling to stay alive, I've also seen and read about numerous people with young children struggling to stay alive and family's being ripped apart, life is short and precious i wont sympathies i believe its ridiculous and pathetic. I hope you've sorted yourself out.


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## IanA (Feb 26, 2012)

ottostein said:


> *Had one paramedic before call me fat!!!*


I'm an ex AEMT with West Midlands Ambulance and must admit Paramedics like this make my blood boil. Self appointed authorities a few of them but it's nice to hear your on the mend. 
It's so easy to judge as so many often do but unless you have suffered with depression or been close to someone who has, it's a hard condition to understand. It is a very real condition and things which might seem quite trivial to some can be the final straw for others.

Never let things get on top of you to this degree, talk. Admitting you are down is usually the hardest part and most people will be only to glad to listen.

I remember loads of NS staff who were passionate about detailing their cars. I myself often took advantage of down time and had a pristine car while the ambulance or responder car sat outside in the rain :lol:

Keep your chin up dude, life is never easy, but if it was it would be dull as


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## Spoony (May 28, 2007)

Again, all the best mate. Don't feel that people are judging you if you feel you need to seek help.

You only ever hear the bad but we do have a good NHS and there are people working for them that care about the people and the job.

I worked with a guy who always says the first victory in his day is waking up breathing, obviously a bit tongue in cheek but I suppose he's right.


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## IanA (Feb 26, 2012)

See! Everyone here is singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak. You are a long time dead and life is too short to squander, get out there and have some fun :thumb:


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## ottostein (Sep 11, 2012)

Mattodl said:


> I read the first paragraph and decided not to read on. I'll keep it as nice as i can but i have family members who are terminally ill battling to stay alive, I've also seen and read about numerous people with young children struggling to stay alive and family's being ripped apart, life is short and precious i wont sympathies i believe its ridiculous and pathetic. I hope you've sorted yourself out.


Im not looking for sympathy, im getting my story across about my experience with the NHS as so many people will have a moan about it but will never praise them and give them the respect they deserve.



IanA said:


> I'm an ex AEMT with West Midlands Ambulance and must admit Paramedics like this make my blood boil. Self appointed authorities a few of them but it's nice to hear your on the mend.
> It's so easy to judge as so many often do but unless you have suffered with depression or been close to someone who has, it's a hard condition to understand. It is a very real condition and things which might seem quite trivial to some can be the final straw for others.
> 
> Never let things get on top of you to this degree, talk. Admitting you are down is usually the hardest part and most people will be only to glad to listen.
> ...


I couldnt believe what i heard when he called me it but i was in genuine agony and was desperate for some pain relief *broke my tib in 3 places* I thought about raising a complaint but he did get me to the hospital pretty quickly. *2am with no traffic*


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## redmen78 (Mar 9, 2011)

My wife's a nurse on A-E and it really annoys me when I hear people slagging the hospital off that she works at people really don't see what goes on behind the curtains. 
Anyway mate keep ya head up and keep on detailing !!


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## chisai (Jan 1, 2009)

Glad you're feeling better about life. It really is very precious and I hope you have many years of it left 
Last week, different circumstances, I had a stay in my local hospital. Staff from when I went to A&E right through to when I was discharged were fantastic. There will be a letter sent to the hospital bosses to praise them.
I work in the NHS though not in the medical side, estates. We were out this year clearing snow and a staff member came out of her warm office to thank us for our work. I can tell you it fair boosts the guys when this happens. Glad you had a good experience.


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## Derekh929 (Aug 28, 2011)

I can't start to imagine being in a situation like that, and I think you have done something very possible by getting out in the open, and hope you can get your life back on track slowly, and move forward , all the best derek


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## auditek (Sep 20, 2008)

Sorry, but no sympathy from me..how much time and money did you cost the NHS for what was obviously a totally sham attempt at suicide !The NHS and paramedics have far more important things to deal with than people like you. If you REALLY wanted to top yourself, you would have, and that would have saved all the time (and money) wasted by those who helped you !
Before people start slagging me off, I was a policeman for 22 years, and the biggest pain in the **** and time wasting incidents, were ' attempted suicides'


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## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

I should attempted this months ago then.
I have all these problems, called life isn't it.

Last time my fiancée was in hospital there was a guy in A&E who tried in 10 times.
I felt no sympathy for him either, drain on the economy really


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## Blueberry (Aug 10, 2007)

auditek said:


> Sorry, but no sympathy from me..how much time and money did you cost the NHS for what was obviously a totally sham attempt at suicide !The NHS and paramedics have far more important things to deal with than people like you. If you REALLY wanted to top yourself, you would have, and that would have saved all the time (and money) wasted by those who helped you !
> Before people start slagging me off, I was a policeman for 22 years, and the biggest pain in the **** and time wasting incidents, were ' attempted suicides'


As a policeman I would have expected a bit more respect from you with regards to your comments.

It's obviously a cry for help, which can be done in many ways, but which needs support not kicking in the balls. Give the guy some slack. The mind is a very complex thing and it's a thin line between sanity and insanity.

I work in the NHS so I would think ALL people deserve the respect and dignity to deal with whatever problems they have.


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## Estoril-5 (Mar 8, 2007)

woah,

cut the guy some slack, dont kick a man when hes down and all that!

it is a forum and everyone is entitled to an opinion, and to post it too, however, a very wise man once said, only speak if the words that are to leave your mouth are more beautiful than silence


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## tmitch45 (Jul 29, 2006)

auditek said:


> Sorry, but no sympathy from me..how much time and money did you cost the NHS for what was obviously a totally sham attempt at suicide !The NHS and paramedics have far more important things to deal with than people like you. If you REALLY wanted to top yourself, you would have, and that would have saved all the time (and money) wasted by those who helped you !
> Before people start slagging me off, I was a policeman for 22 years, and the biggest pain in the **** and time wasting incidents, were ' attempted suicides'


Dude I see where you are coming from but the guy is obviously struggling and needs some help. Comments like this really don't help whether its right or not.

I just hope you have some follow-up mate as without it nothing will have changed for you. Hang in there and get your self to the Doctors there isn't anything that cannot be sorted out.


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## millns84 (Jul 5, 2009)

I think there's a great deal of ignorance towards depression in this thread (and in society generally). People need to realise that depression is a disease just like any other, but obviously with an almost unique quality of showing no outward signs which seems to lead to a lot of prejudice against it.

Whilst I see people's points raised in the thread in relation to other people with terminal diseases, and the cost of dealing with depression on the NHS, to me depression is just another disease with potentially terminal consequences and I feel the same towards anyone battling depression as I would towards someone battling cancer. Isn't it strange that nobody would ever raise the cost of cancer treatment, or treating heart disease on the NHS, but depression and its "cost" seems a legitimate target? 

I've got a lot of experience of people with depression, my mum was sectioned for six months when I was two years old (bipolar) and more recently my wife was diagnosed last year as she was struggling raising two disabled children. It's simply a disease which needs fighting tooth and nail, and more often than not needs treatment just like any other disease.

Maybe I'm biased because of my experiences, but I'm trying to see things from a neutral perspective as much as possible. I appreciate everyone's freedom to express whatever views they wish, but I think some need to realise just what depression is and maybe they wouldn't have these views in the first place.

Rich - I hope you haven't taken anyone's comments to heart here. DW is usually a very accommodating and friendly place to anyone struggling and it's a shame this thread isn't a reflection of that. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to drop me a PM.


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

Now normally threads like this get me grumpy, but i shall refrain from it and try to explain why.
I genuinely like the NHS, the nurses are great, some of the younger docs are ok and the consultants are usually pretty good. My own healthcare (long story for another time) is usually spot on, it was amazing in yorkshire, not so great in Heryfordshire.
Anyway, the bit that annoys me with the NHS is the way it's run/managed etc.

My young lady went to see her consultant last week to get a date for an operation, only to be told he wasn't there and to come back two weeks later when he will be.
How hard would it be for the people who run the NHS to make sure everyone who turned up, knew not to waste their time/days off work etc.
I have other examples of bad management, but my point is that this is what is letting down all the good work the doctors and nurses do, it's really irtitating to see a great resource being badly managed.




Anyway, keep your chin up OP, don't let the bstards grind you down.


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

Estoril-5 said:


> woah,
> 
> cut the guy some slack, dont kick a man when hes down and all that!
> 
> it is a forum and everyone is entitled to an opinion, and to post it too, however, a very wise man once said, only speak if the words that are to leave your mouth are more beautiful than silence


I prefer the alternative version.
It's better to remain quiet and have people think you're an idiot, than to speak and remove all doubt.


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## Estoril-5 (Mar 8, 2007)

muzzer42 said:


> I prefer the alternative version.
> It's better to remain quiet and have people think you're an idiot, than to speak and remove all doubt.


that made me chuckle! :lol:


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## Naddy37 (Oct 27, 2005)

To all those that are kicking the OP when he's down.

I hope to god that you don't end up in the same position as the OP, it's not a very nice place to be. I should know, I've been in that place. Thankfully, I got help before I decided to end it, and yes, it did cross my mind that I'd be better off out of it.

Now, if anyone jumps on my case, yes, I've had a family member suffer terminal cancer. I also spent 16 years working for the NHS in the oppo theatres. 

To the person that moaned that the consultant wasn't there when they went to see him. Could it of crossed your mind that he may of been called away to theatre to save someone's ar5e?

Hopefully he wasn't on the golf course, but you never know with some of these consultants.....

Back to the OP. Hopefully fella you'll get the help you need to sort yourself out. In time, you'll realise that life is too short, and like me, in the end, you'll learn that nothing will really bother you/stress you out.

As they say, there is always someone a lot worse off than yourself.


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

neilos said:


> To all those that are kicking the OP when he's down.
> I
> I hope to god that you don't end up in the same position as the OP, it's not a very nice place to be. I should know, I've been in that place. Thankfully, I got help before I decided to end it, and yes, it did cross my mind that I'd be better off out of it.
> 
> ...


It was me that said about the consultant and if he had been called away to tend to someone, then i could accept that as i know emergencies crop up, but this guy was on holiday hence my comments about mis management. 
He is quite entitled to go away on holiday but someone should have re booked the appointnents, that was my point


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## Naddy37 (Oct 27, 2005)

muzzer42 said:


> It was me that said about the consultant and if he had been called away to tend to someone, then i could accept that as i know emergencies crop up, but this guy was on holiday hence my comments about mis management.
> He is quite entitled to go away on holiday but someone should have re booked the appointnents, that was my point


Ahh, so he was on the golf course.

As per usual with the NHS. They do great work, but, not enough nurses, too many managers...


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

neilos said:


> Ahh, so he was on the golf course.
> 
> As per usual with the NHS. They do great work, but, not enough nurses, too many managers...


That's what i found, too many chiefs and nowhere near enough indians.


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## ottostein (Sep 11, 2012)

To all the people on here who have said no sympathy, I said i was never asking for it. It was just my experience with my time in the hospital and the fantastic jobs everyone does. 

If you seriously think depression is a waste of time and money then why does it mean anything less than cancer/terminal illnesses/any other emergency situation. 

Im not one to usually spill my feelings. I always end up bottling them up and keeping a brave face but it gets to a point where its no longer possible to keep feelings inside and that was how i dealt with it all. If i wanted to do it properly then i would have jumped infront of a lorry but why would i have done that to put the driver into that situation having to deal with it all. Having my family identify me by bits of skin and tattoos. At least my way it was going to be quiet and dignified, it just didnt turn out like that. 

At the end of the day depression is an illness like any other, it still kills people like any other illness but because its a mental illness everyone thinks its ok.

Life is hard but no one can see depression so usually it goes un noticed until its too late.


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## NMH (Apr 25, 2012)

auditek said:


> Sorry, but no sympathy from me..how much time and money did you cost the NHS for what was obviously a totally sham attempt at suicide !The NHS and paramedics have far more important things to deal with than people like you. If you REALLY wanted to top yourself, you would have, and that would have saved all the time (and money) wasted by those who helped you !
> Before people start slagging me off, I was a policeman for 22 years, and the biggest pain in the **** and time wasting incidents, were ' attempted suicides'


What a really helpful comment!

The guy hit rock bottom and it's brave to share his dilemna on here. I personally wouldn't have the courage to divulge something so personal. I suffer from stress everyday but depression isn't an option for me. I just don't have the time to get depressed and the factors that make suicide completely a 'no go' are my wife, kids and religion. We're all different and we all make mistakes or errors of judgment. Are you so perfect?

The police and the NHS themselves find plenty of ways to waste time and money every single second so don't attack those in need who make emotional decisions (poor or otherwise) and ultimately require help. The police and NHS are paid for by the taxpayer so whats the problem?!

To the OP, I hope you're feeling better and seeing things in a more positive light. All the best.:thumb:


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## MEH4N (Mar 15, 2012)

The NHS do an awesome job eventhough waiting can take ages but totally understandable. 

Hope your on the mend mate, anyone of us could be in your shoes.


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## Honda (Aug 27, 2012)

Have been there myself to a point, yes thought about it when in really dark places, but fortunately I got help, which is very difficult to do because you think know one will care and there could be nothing further from the truth.
All sorts of things in life push you over the edge and you don't know where to turn at the time, and I can assure you all, that when someone says to you they are in a dark place you better believe it. So to those who are knocking him, have been there no, do you know what it's like no, so you don't know what your talking about then do you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very pleased you are still with us, good luck mate.!!!


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## Philb1965 (Jun 29, 2010)

Well you have my sympathies. We all deal with what life throws at us in different ways. I'm glad the NHS were there for you...that's what we pay for! Mental health issues are not trivial and unless you've been there you can never really comment. Not to the same extent but I had 3 weeks off with work related stress this year, the first time in 30 years of working and I would never have thought I'd be in that position..never felt so low. So chin up, glad you had a good NHS experience and hope you move on positively with life.


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## Billigmeister (Mar 3, 2013)

Hey otto. 

Fair play to opening up.

The whole depression thing is mighty complex and confusing. many don't bother talking about it probably due to comments that have already been posted. 

You just gotta get the right treatment and support for you.

There are some good ideas and thoughts on depressionsalliance.org and some of the axiety websites.

Your comments about the care from the nhs will be most welcome by the people on the shop floor. If you get the chance do share with them.

It shows that even when things are bad for you you are able to think about the good things in others and appreciate their help. You just need to focus on yourself going forwards a bit more and try and work through those issues.

Take care bro


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## VixMix (May 8, 2008)

I do have very mixed views on overdoses, having spent 14 years front line I can confirm that there are a huge number of people who abuse the system and use this as a means to maintain their benefits, gain attention, manipulate others. Generally they are well know to us (and the police), are regular callers and either claim to take medication they have not taken (or flushed down the toilet) or call the ambulance the second they have taken the pills knowing that they are at no risk whatsoever. These people try the patience of even the most understanding of us.

Then there are those who have reached the end of their chain, lost their rational thought and genuinely believe that the world would be a better place without them. The vast majority of these people, if reached in time, will go on to get treatment and intervention and go on to live their lives without further attempts at suicide. There are those we don't reach in time and let me tell you PARACETAMOL is EVIL! The key to a good medic is not to judge a person on the face value of their actions, no two overdoses are equal.

The NHS is on its knees, there are far to many demands on it and far to few front line staff keeping the cogs turning. In my experience the nurses and junior docs are under enormous pressure to deliver some form of service and struggling to deliver the service that they want to deliver and that patients deserve. There is no support from management who are trying to cost and corner cut at every opportunity and repeating their mantra "It's all about the patients" without actually understanding or even attempting to put patients first. It makes me so sad and after 14 years I'm packing it in because I just can't cope with coming home at night feeling that I've let the very people I'm supposed to be helping down.

To the OP, It's a long journey, don't become complacent keep working on getting better. Look into self help and techniques to help yourself recognise your moods and between yourself, your friends and family and the professional health care, you will get there - just know it takes time and there will be highs and lows, easy rides and tough breaks but it will get easier. XX


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## LukeWS (Sep 9, 2012)

Otto,

Im glad to hear you are on the mend and that the NHS seem to have done more than just get you back to good health mate. Sorry to hear things got so bad and i hope you sort it out and keep a positive mind i know its hard but theirs always a better option than ending it all as it doesn't end for others.

Depression is a horrible thing and you have my sympathies 100%. 

Surely after being a copper for 22years they should know what devastation a death causes so making remarks like that is ridiculous. And talking about time wasters what about druggies and drunks im sure their a much bigger waste of time as they've got themselves in that mess, where as a suicide is more than likely a cry for help when someones life has got out of control.

Also talk about wasting time I've seen 3 ****ing cctv vans sat around today compared to one copper on a bike and no patrol cars, why not get out on the streets and go catch muggers and drug dealers instead of someone doing 34mph.

Edit: i do know their still breaking the law but was just making a point theirs worse crimes out their


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

In a complete contrast to my earlier missive about the NHS in my area, i had to go visit the local hospital today, not only did i get parked easily, i got in earlier than i planned and got a result i had hoped for.

Thumbs up here


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