# Friday Funny – “pro” detailer related....



## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

...and just for a smile... nothing more... 

So I thought I would start the day off with a smile for all...

I had to drive around to the yard this morning to put the Jeep on charge as I will be using her at the weekend... and there is a “pro” there cleaning one of the warehouse staff’s car...

Now in the yard, we have my Jeep (Zymol Royale, Vintage and Vics), and the pool golf (Ceramishield), then I turn up with the XKR with Zaino on it... 

It’s raining here this morning, so all cars are beading very nicely, paintwork, windows, everything...

The “pro” has a wee look at me for 5 minutes, then swaggers over... 

“Eh, I can clean those mota’s if you want so that it doesn’t have that bubbling mate, bad for the paint that is”....

“I can even machine them to restore the paint, make them look much better...”

Really, I replied... I’ve heard that a machine polish removes some of the clear coat on the paintwork...that’s how it gets rid of the marks, I’m a little scared of that...

“naw, naw... that’s b0ll0x mate, who told you that s**t, it just cleans it, I use special stuff man, it will get rid of all the marks..... £50 and a couple of hours”

And you will stop the paint “bubbling” with all this water??

“yeah, yeah, that isn’t right, something wrong with the paint there mate”

Hmmm, I’ll pass, but that’s for the help and the offer.... 

So there you go, right from the “pro”.... beading is bad, £50 special polish is good!! 

:lol:



:thumb:


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## SimonBash (Jun 7, 2010)

:lol::lol: 

And you didnt take up his kind offer? I'm sure some G3 and a dirty 'mop' would do the trick:lol:


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## toomanycitroens (Jan 14, 2011)

Absolute classic:lol::lol:


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## abbacus (Mar 24, 2011)

Absolutely brilliant! 

Beading = bubbling!  :wave:


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## mikethefish (Feb 4, 2011)

Could you find out what the special polish is and ask him if he has any magic beans as well!!!!!!!!


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## Lupostef (Nov 20, 2011)

Don't think I'd be able to resist the temptation of letting him dig a massve hole for himself and follow up with proving him so wrong he'd contemplate suicide!


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## Alex_225 (Feb 7, 2008)

Oh dear, he sounds like clueless f*ckwit!! haha

This could be the next thing on Watchdog, not the usual person persuading old people they need a new boiler or windows.

It'll be idiots thinking they know about cars telling others they need the beading taken off their cars then burning holes in the paint! lol


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## gally (May 25, 2008)

I loved your dead pan face there. I wasn't there though... :lol:

Got his number? I need some work done! :lol:


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

I'd have liked to have called him a ****ing liar right to his ignorant face. If you think about it people like this make money from bull****ting people all day every day.

But yeah, pretty funny :lol:


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

Does remind me of the time the Valeter that came to our work told me the protection from SRP would last up to a year. I didn't believe him... But unfortunately I didn't know as much as now either to call BS on him.

All the cars he did at our work looked lovely... Until the sun came out.... :wall:


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## MarkSmith (Dec 17, 2010)

In all fairness, my cars paintwork is suffering with the rain bubbling problem too so he could sort it for me. 

And while he is at it, maybe he can machine polish it too as the metal has got all this weird silver paint stuff on it 

:lol:

Thats a classic, wish I was there at the time !!!

(( Thanks for cheering me up today Cueball, with this weather I needed a good laugh !! ))


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## amiller (Jan 1, 2009)

Cheers for posting our conversation up on here mate! 

:lol:


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

Be careful he doesn't give one of them a free wash to prove his point and hope you agree to the next two! :doublesho


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## Kobeone (Dec 14, 2011)

Im with Lupostef, i wouldnt be able to hold back from telling him how wrong he is and watching the reaction on his face as his world falls apart. Very funny story for a friday morning cueball..... :thumb:


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

Glad it has cheered a few of us up...

:lol:


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## crazysnakeman (Oct 12, 2011)

is it a mate of yours he is "valeting" for? maybe you should have a word in his ear....


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

crazysnakeman said:


> is it a mate of yours he is "valeting" for? maybe you should have a word in his ear....


Nope, not my mate, a member of staff...

I'm not really a "preacher" anyway...

It's their car, they get it cleaned how they want to make them happy...

Doesn't matter to me in the slightest...I stay out the way and let them treat their property how they want 

:thumb:


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## trv8 (Dec 30, 2007)

Bye the way Cueball.....
What was wrong with your Audi in the end?


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## Lee.GTi180 (Apr 28, 2010)

The Cueball said:


> Nope, not my mate, a member of staff...
> 
> I'm not really a "preacher" anyway...
> 
> ...


Do you not have a duty of care to your employees :doublesho I'd say this is bordering on negligence :doublesho


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

trv8 said:


> Bye the way Cueball.....
> What was wrong with your Audi in the end?


Not talking about it... :wall:

There is a "wiring fault" somewhere in the 500000 miles of wires...

F*****K!!! doesn't cover it...



Lee.GTi180 said:


> Do you not have a duty of care to your employees :doublesho I'd say this is bordering on negligence :doublesho


:lol::lol::lol:


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## chisai (Jan 1, 2009)

Thanks Cueball, set me up well for the day.
You going to name and shame??? Probably best not in case he's a member here


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## Scrim-1- (Oct 8, 2008)

Got any contact details? He must be good, Hes "pro".


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## DetailMyCar (Apr 19, 2010)

chisai said:


> Thanks Cueball, set me up well for the day.
> You going to name and shame??? Probably best not in case he's a member here


I doubt VERY much he's even heard of Detailing World, Detailing or beading.... Not likely to be on here 

What a tool though, not only for preaching in the first place but for being so wrong, I don't know how you bit your tongue!! I would have had to say something, even in a jokey way!!!


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## President Swirl (Oct 23, 2011)

The celica's got 2 coats of supernatrual on it. I'd better get it booked in for a respray.


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

It's actually someone who is quite busy in this area for washing cars, he seems to be trying to get into the "detailing" side...

I know of him... he knows of me... I have fixed some of his "work" before...

And I know he is bad mouthing me to people... BUT..

He doesn't know the person he is talking about, is me... if you know what I mean...  

He isn't the "pro" mind you that said I should join DW as I was washing the car with 1 bucket, a sponge and using "[email protected]" Z products that he had never heard of....  (I was washing the car in the drive way with ONR and Zaino Z8 to finish)... he still hasn't said hello to me on here yet, and I 're-joined' a few months ago just for him! :lol: <I posted in the newbie section>

It seems that my home town is being over run with new "experts"...

It's all good fun eh!

:lol::lol::lol:


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## VIPER (May 30, 2007)

DetailMyCar said:


> I doubt VERY much he's even heard of Detailing World, Detailing or beading.... Not likely to be on here


I don't want him on here, full stop!!


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

Stop it, your killing me! :lol: :lol:

I must've missed than one! :lol:

So, getting this straight... You've met people from here in real life, who didn't think the crazy Glaswegian bald guy with a jag, jeep or one of the other cars was "the_cueball", and then proceeded to give you a lecture about the two bucket method??

And this other guy, Who you spoke to today, knows of and dislikes "the_cueball" from detailing world... Or if not by name, of an opinionated hobbyist amateur detailed who has had to "fix" his work before... But doesnt know it's you?


Oh to spend two minutes living your life. That'ed probably be enough for me mind... But two minutes... Like "Being John Malkovic"

:lol:


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## The_Bouncer (Nov 24, 2010)

So all my research into how to make keep cars 'bubbling' has gone down the pan.

I hope you booked in the XK for his showroom entry :thumb:

Ouch can picture it - G3 dry with dirty mop pad..


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## trv8 (Dec 30, 2007)

The Cueball said:


> Not talking about it... :wall:
> 
> There is a "wiring fault" somewhere in the 500000 miles of wires...
> 
> ...


I've posted something in your thread 'Well it's not all fun' in the 'Motoring Zone'.
Maybe be of help to you, it was a cheap fix for mine :thumb:.


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

-PJB- said:


> Stop it, your killing me! :lol: :lol:
> 
> I must've missed than one! :lol:
> 
> ...


Here is my "newbie" post

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=223318

Yes, the guy already on DW didn't have a clue about me, but said he is on here all the time... I got the whole 2 bucket, snow foam etc etc from him! :lol: he was round giving my neighbour a price for work...

The guy today, took my mates car (as I couldn't do it at the time) and really messed it up, I managed to fix it, and my mate gave him the riot act and got his money back... So he knows me as the mate of that customer... 

Eh, hold on a minute... me opinionated??!? :tumbleweed:

:lol:

:thumb:



The_Bouncer said:


> So all my research into how to make keep cars 'bubbling' has gone down the pan.
> 
> I hope you booked in the XK for his showroom entry :thumb:
> 
> Ouch can picture it - G3 dry with dirty mop pad..


I know! :lol: although my poor XK is in the newbie thread above...so any hints or tips would be good...



trv8 said:


> I've posted something in your thread 'Well it's not all fun' in the 'Motoring Zone'.
> Maybe be of help to you, it was a cheap fix for mine :thumb:.


Cheers mate, I'll have a look now...

You know, I used to think I was "OK" at this detailing stuff... I know I am no where near the best, but, I though... yeah my work is alright... starting to doubt it now! :lol::lol::lol:


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## hotwaxxx (Jul 12, 2007)

It would have been interesting to see how he got rid of the "bubbling". 

Even after a crappy machine polish, you'd get a fair amount of beading. Unless he just intended to clay it afterwards.:lol:


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## Laurie.J.M (Jun 23, 2011)

I'd better get my car looked at then, it's raining here and the paint is 'bubbling' rather alot :lol:. 

Even someone who knows practically nothing about car care understands that wax protects your car and beadking shows it's working properly. I had someone in the college car park ask me how I got my car to bead as they thought it looked really cool and wanted their car to do the same, he knew nothing of detailing but understood that some polish and a good coat of wax would achieve exactly what he wanted.


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

You pick up on opinionated but not crazy??? :lol: We're all opinionated, the point was more I imagine you made yours clear on the matter! :thumb:


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## Paddy_R (Jan 10, 2007)

I've just checked the ST and it looks like I'm In trouble. Not only is there bubbling on the paint but the glass is bubbling as well. You didn't happen to ask can he sort this issue on glass did you?


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## JakeWhite (Oct 14, 2011)

So this guy has proven expensive wax....well....even any wax on the car is just over-rated? What a guy! I better book mine in as I've got millions of bubbles all over my car :lol: cuey you are unique and very funny!


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## Lean6 (Dec 5, 2010)

You all told me bubbles were a good thing! Now I have to de-bubble my car by removing that odd red coating covering my entire car!


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## Johnboy82 (Nov 12, 2010)

Cueball=Legend.

Hilarious mate. Absolutely hilarious. I'll have to tell my bro to knock back any offer from the 'pro' in E.K. if thats his chat. Oh dear??


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## impster (May 2, 2007)

'De-bubbling'.

Sounds like it could catch on.

Is there a 'how to' guide here yet?


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## Will-S (Jun 5, 2007)

I wonder how many jobs he gets in a week though? As you have shown Cueball there are people who are willing to let him near their car and he must see the potential for earnings, if he is able to fool them into believing his patter.


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## Lean6 (Dec 5, 2010)

impster said:


> 'De-bubbling'.
> 
> Sounds like it could catch on.
> 
> Is there a 'how to' guide here yet?


I'm going to use:

-heavy duty grinding discs - Grade 8?
-Flame Thrower.
-Bomb

Just on my way to the car now, I'll be back in 10 minutes with a 'how to,' guide.


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

First person to do a proper **** take thread of de-bubbling and special £50 polish is a hero in my eyes.

Must have pics!


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## Lean6 (Dec 5, 2010)

Right....you will be glad to know that all the bubbles have been removed! Unfortunately explosives were required. The bubbles were scattered in many different directions..............along with my car. 

At least the bubbles are no more. Don't suppose anyone has a car up for sale?


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## tom-225 (Aug 30, 2009)

haha thanks for making my day cue.


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## ant_s (Jan 29, 2009)

Lol I dunno how you didn't wind him up, just for a little bit then leave him all stunned that you made the car bubble and your glad it does lol.



The Cueball said:


> Here is my "newbie" post
> 
> http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=223318
> 
> ...


But whaaaaat!? This person doesn't know the real you but knows DW you? Still? :lol:


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## Demetrios72 (Jun 27, 2011)

£50!!!! That's a bargain :lol:


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## Fuzzy Logic (May 6, 2011)

Lol, I've practically been here myself not so long ago. Got talking to an EK 'pro' at my work, he comes every week to clean some of my colleagues cars. Conversation ended when he told me how he could give my car a going over with 'this stuff', was SRP (trade equivalant). Or for 'that extra special touch, put on a bit of this', was HD wax. 

Then asked if I ever use polish or wax. I rhymed off some of the product names I use, Vics, Dodo juice, Zaino and the like.
With a blank expression he pauses and replies.... 'whats that? Sounds like something you would smoke!'

Needless to say I've not taken up the offer for some of 'that stuff'.


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

:lol:

maybe it's the same guy....

I wonder if EK has a breeding ground for them at the moment...

:thumb:


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## Fuzzy Logic (May 6, 2011)

Possibly. The guy I spoke to usually comes round with another 1 or 2 guys. A wee squad of pros. :lol:
Dont get me wrong Im not trying to bash the guy, he's a nice enough guy, seems to enjoy what he does, and if people are happy with the finish thats fine for them. But not for me.

Anyway good laugh this thread for a Friday, Im gonna go and roll myself a Purple Haze! :thumb:


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## Rgk Detailing (Dec 6, 2006)

lmao! 

If this is who I think it is then I have seen the results of this guy's work before, a donkey could do a better job with a rotary!


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## J1ODY A (Nov 28, 2008)

Wonder if he turns Vauxhall red paint to that much more desirable faded pink?!


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

J1ODY A said:


> Wonder if he turns Vauxhall red paint to that much more desirable faded pink?!


pffft, that is £70 for that!!

:lol:


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## cleaningfreak (Sep 3, 2011)

wow :doublesho thank got my car hasnt got bubbling anymore ... probably im luckiest man on this forum :wall::lol::lol::lol:


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## triggerh4ppy (Jul 15, 2011)

My car hadn't had bubbling ever. Maybe I should never bother washing it


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## kempe (Jan 9, 2011)

:doublesho What a tool!!! It's people like that who give pros a bad name!!! but then it's people like that that give the real pros the work :lol:


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## Aucky (Oct 3, 2008)

You should've done this to his face.


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## Lean6 (Dec 5, 2010)

Aucky said:


> You should've done this to his face.
> My Bubbles!


:lol::lol::lol:


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## Sirmally2 (Feb 28, 2011)

I've just read this... Thats absolutely awesome! I too must be doing it really wrong. Looks like everybody in my street has it right tho. Even the roof at work is less beady than the roof on my car. Looks like ill have to felt line the outside to get the desired effect... Anybody got any mastik and decorators caulk? :lol::lol:


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## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

just read it!lol, some people!


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## Stomper (Jun 8, 2011)

Hey Cueball i was only offering to help man and youre one here dissing me . I dunno .
Next time i see you i wont offer my help .:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

:lol:

well maybe next time then


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## Stomper (Jun 8, 2011)

Kool

BUT JUST INCASE ANYONES NOT SURE I WAS JOKING . Lol


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## Dan J (Jun 18, 2008)

The Cueball said:


> ...and just for a smile... nothing more...
> 
> So I thought I would start the day off with a smile for all...
> 
> ...


:lol:
There's plenty of these guys out there in every town, numptys :tumbleweed:


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