# You're not a detailer until you've....



## Alex L

Just for fun, what are the must have done things to truly call yourself a detailer?

Kind of like the Top Gear, you're not a petrol head until you've owned an Alfa type thing.

I'll start:

You're not a detailer until you've...

Owned a black car.
thoroughly cleaned a mouldy interior.

(I've only done half of those lol)


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## danwel

Cleaned your vents with cotton buds


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## hmsilset

Working with a swissvax vax and have to taste.


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## VW STEVE.

First 2 posts & on my second black car now!!.


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## jamieblackford

Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.


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## Serapth

You cant walk past cars in the street without looking at the condition of the paint as you walk by.


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## The Cueball

got caught up in the hype of the next 'not better than the previous' product or company...

:thumb:


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## banarno

Didnt some guy "detail" a teapot a while back?

So................ You're not a detailer until you've.... detailed a teapot.


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## Blueberry

For me it was claying a car for the first time


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## Dream Detail

jamieblackford said:


> Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.


This is brilliant haha


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## iPlod999

You're not a detailer until you have detailed a black weber charcoal bbq!

There was a thread on here somewhere.

Classic. 

Edit: Here it is.

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=271711&highlight=Weber+bbq


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## WHIZZER

You're not a detailer until you've... checked out detailingworld


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## The Cueball

WHIZZER said:


> You're not a detailer until you've... checked out detailingworld


not allowed... that is far too obvious!!! :lol::lol::lol:


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## Mike1975

Serapth said:


> You cant walk past cars in the street without looking at the condition of the paint as you walk by.


As above find i doing it all the especially with my job


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## Alex L

Talking of random household objects,

Your not a Detailer until you've detail a vacuum cleaner or kitchen sink :doublesho


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## Ovaltine

Youre not a detailer until you've spent 20 mins telling each mate how to wash his car properly


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## V3nom

Serapth said:


> You cant walk past cars in the street without looking at the condition of the paint as you walk by.


This.

I can't walk past most cars without checking the paint.

Worst one I seen recently was a '62 plate black Jaguar XFR at my 7s... Horrendous swirls. Felt a bit sick. Gonna offer my services if I actually bump into the owner...


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## MarkSmith

You are not a detailer until you have washed your car - 6 hours after the last time you waxed your car !



(( Great thread by the way - about time we started having more fun threads on here  ))


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## Titanium Htail

You find the other person who has a detailing sticker.

John Tht


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## svended

When you scrub and dress the wheelarches. Even though as soon as you move the car the wheelarches are going to be caked in road debri.


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## The_Bouncer

Taking over 3 hours hoovering an interior working 1" squares at a time.

( think Vauxhall carpets etc )


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## LittleMissTracy

You find something in your house to detail! 
Your BF sees a what was a red vauxhaul and says "bet you'd love to clean that up!" Er no. 
Everyone wants you to clean there car! Or house! 
When they guy over the road wonders why you don't use greased lightning cause its awesome! 
The pensioner next door tells me I'll wash the paint off!


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## JamesCotton

You're not a detailer untill you've looked at a sponge with an evil glare


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## TubbyTwo

Posted on DW asking *"what wax is best for xxxxxx colour car"*, or started a thread bashing a member of the public (with photographic evidence) washing their car at the local jet wash, WITH A BRUSH!!!


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## herbiedacious

You're not a detailer till you've heard comments like "You can do mine next" etc etc at least 1000 times

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 2


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## JasonH20URF

Until you have become immune to the smell of iron x :lol:


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## srod

It's all true, the "You can do mine next!" and "You'll wash the paint off!".

LOL, at least it's not just me that has to hear those kinds of comments day in day out! There's also; "I really tried to get that stain out..." When in fact you can tell that no effort has been made at all. Either that or they made it one hell of a lot worse!

As for checking car's paintwork as I walk by... I'm guilty of that as well!  I just want to whip out a PTG and measure the thickness of paint! 

Damn, what's wrong with me?


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## JamesCotton

Its a problem all of us have developed :thumb:


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## srod

Aye. I know I do it for a living, but that doesn't alter the fact that I love it and am definitely obsessive! 

Most of my friends do not understand beings as they are not 'car people' themselves. Reckon they think I'm nuts!


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## JamesCotton

My dad thought I was CRAZY for spending all this money on stuff....... now he has joined in and pays half


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## TOMMY_RS

Your not a detailer until you have had the wheels off to clean the inside of them and the arches. Oh also, not until you have dressed the tyres on the inside of the wheel!


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## TubbyTwo

When you can no longer just wash a car in 10 mins..... with soap and water.

Wouldn't change it though, gets me away from the wife for a few hours....


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## cbred

You spend £100 a month on car care products


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## VixMix

You've detailed the Dyson...

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=38692


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## DJ X-Ray

..Until you realise "it's all in the prep"


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## organisys

Lovingly washed, dried and combed your lambswool wash mitt.


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## MEH4N

JamesCotton said:


> My dad thought I was CRAZY for spending all this money on stuff....... now he has joined in and pays half


James you never tell your dad the price you paid lol. I told my dad the price off illusion and he looked at me like wtf. Then he said whats the difference between his pot of DJ RR panel pot. That was one funny convo last night haha. My dad does like the fact i clean my own car rather than pay some guy a tenner to do it.

I think if you buy one of those detailing brushes you are getting serious about cleaning.


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## Ovaltine

Until you can say wookies fist without laughing.


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## Greboth

^haha that will never ever happen!

You're not a detailer until you've.....hidden deliveries from the O/H and when she spots something new claim you have had it for ages.

Also when this is literally what you do - :detailer:


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## danwel

Until you've made people take their shoes off before getting into your car


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## Rayner

Until you get caught taking a pic after you've finished and aren't in the slightest bit embarrassed even when they start taking the pi**


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## Aikinoodle007

Until you've done all of your family members' cars!


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## Tricky Red

You're not a detailer until you've cleaned your car in the rain.


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## TOMMY_RS

Tricky Red said:


> You're not a detailer until you've cleaned your car in the rain.


Ive done this, always a bit worryed about water getting on the extension lead though.


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## Mumbles

all the above plus, you're not a detailer until:

you look out of the window or pop out to the garage every ten minutes after detailing your car just to remind yourself how shiny it is and come out with comments like "look at those reflections on the wing" and "man those exhaust tips are shiny".. even if there is noone there to hear you say it. haha :thumb:


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## borinous

You're not a detailer until...you take more care cleaning your cloths drying towels than your children's clothes


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## B17BLG

Until you try and explain what detailing actually is and then you just give up eventually and say you wash cars quite well


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## R0B

Its your main and only job and youve registered at companies house......


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## barneyrubble

TOMMY_RS said:


> Ive done this, always a bit worryed about water getting on the extension lead though.


Did this at the weekend - Two carrier bags tied over the entension lead and I'm still here :lol::lol:


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## gerz1873

You are not a detailer until you constantly check the weather forecast so your can plan a detail


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## TigerUK

taken the wheels off to clean them


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## Stewartfinley

Your not a Detailer until you've written out a to do list before you start.


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## Blueberry

Stewartfinley said:


> Your not a Detailer until you've written out a to do list before you start.


You don't write it out - you have a spreadsheet with it all typed out


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## The Cueball

Blueberry said:


> You don't write it out - you have a spreadsheet with it all typed out


and laminated....


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## Kelly @ KDS

your never fully happy with your work , run out of time , and never stop thinking i could do more .

kelly


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## JakeVW

You're not a detailer until you've used car shampoo as body wash in the shower. 
 

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=300586


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## Guest

Until you look at a sponge like a long lost friend


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## DrDax

Lol I like this thread 

Black car - check, 3 of em 

Kettle, yep come to think of it am I the only person who's done a whole kitchen. Surfaces polished with a rotary, then coated, cupboards all done by hand, then finished with c1 and c2, g5 on glass 
Sink yep. Plug holes n taps + stainless and ovens done with m1

Bath, and showers

Galaxy s3

Currently polishing the whole of the SS exhaust system on the mustang (at least I can lay down while I'm polishing it) 



Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 2


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## Dixondmn

You're not a detailer until you've achieved strike through in your quest for perfection.


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## Lowiepete

Alex L said:


> Your not a Detailer until you've detail a vacuum cleaner or kitchen sink :doublesho


The kitchen sink is a regular victim of mine, and I have a very old oak table that 
gets waxed (hand application kinda like Svisswotsit, but cheaper) to within an 
inch of its life...

Does that make me a detailer?

Regards,
Steve


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## JakeVW

You're not a detailer until you've spent more then 2 days on one car.


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## CivicTypeR.

Your not a detailer until uv gone thru the clear coat on someone elses car lol:lol:


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## ottostein

your not a detailer until someone says why do you clean your car all the time and you just say because its not clean enough.

also when the mrs finially gives into me spending my money on car care products * the front of the porch is stacked full of stuff so she wont notice anything else


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## Beancounter

You're not a detailer.....until you've got your PC and posted a question on here asking "how much should I charge for......" :lol:


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## JakeVW

ottostein said:


> your not a detailer until someone says why do you clean your car all the time and you just say because its not clean enough.
> 
> also when the mrs finially gives into me spending my money on car care products * the front of the porch is stacked full of stuff so she wont notice anything else


:lol: You're not a detailer until you have to hide any cleaning products from the Mrs, because you have more then enough "cleaning crap" already*


*You can never have enough. :devil:


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## Samh92

Your not a detailer until you get told to get a life and your sad by a hot chick at work


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## Greboth

Simple way round that problem, don't work with hot chicks :thumb:


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## ottostein

JakeVW said:


> :lol: You're not a detailer until you have to hide any cleaning products from the Mrs, because you have more then enough "cleaning crap" already*
> 
> 
> *You can never have enough. :devil:


You obv havnt met my partner. She is super clean freak herself but when it comes to cars she dosnt care!

she seems to notice when my hands smell of wax though which is mega annoying because she sneaks downstairs at night to have a look to see if i have aquired anything new.

:thumb:

She dosnt check at the back


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## Buddrow

You're scared to park your car at the supermarket in case someone cleans it...with a dirty rag :devil:


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## Dream Detail

Your not a detailer until you've shown someone you've only just met a phone pic of something you've cleaned and then told them straight after how many hours it took

WWW.DREAMDETAIL.CO.UK

- Farnham's only professional detailing company -


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## mdswente

Your not a detailer until you have parked 4 miles from the supermarket door when popping out for some milk.


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## T.D.K

....Invited family members outside in the rain to witness your cars awesome beading :doublesho

I couldn't help myself.


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## Jonniebrads

Had the wheel nuts off one by one to seal/wax them..
Seal/wax the car jack and spear wheel along with tyre dressing..


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## cheekymonkey

your not a detailer untill you realise not all waxes are the same and they do add something to a perfectly prepped finish


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## Mr479

JakeVW said:


> You're not a detailer until you've spent more then 2 days on one car.


Third day today and on a black car!


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## AllenF

You have worked your nuts off on a motor for a week.
Then to have it rejected for something STUPID and told "do it ALL again because if you cant get that bit right what else have you missed"
You need your confidence and ego to have a good kicking a few times by some picky anal inspector before you can hand one over and walk away knowing he cant fault it.


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## cheekymonkey

a detailer would of got it right first time :lol::lol::lol:


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## Big Buffer

Your not a detailer until you can identify a wax by smell only


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## AllenF

cheekymonkey said:


> a detailer would of got it right first time :lol::lol::lol:


EXACTLY
So you aint a detailer until you CAN get it right.


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## pete79

Have Had several compliments on the condition of your car and have to tell them 'well it could be better'


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## suspal

Your not a detailer until you can give a resonable explanation to the other person/customer of the process you intend to implement i.e :- why,what, how and which or choices /alternatives :thumb:


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## e32chris

your not a detailer until you have a wax before official release


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## jcf1966

Your not a detailer until you have detailed the black piano.

Took me hours as it had been near the kitchen and was alays been pledged to death.

James


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## VW STEVE.

banarno said:


> Didnt some guy "detail" a teapot a while back?
> 
> So................ You're not a detailer until you've.... detailed a teapot.


........didn't somebody once do a Dyson??.That is sad!!!!.:lol:


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## JamesCotton

VW STEVE. said:


> ........didn't somebody once do a Dyson??.That is sad!!!!.:lol:





VixMix said:


> You've detailed the Dyson...
> 
> http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=38692


There it is 

On page 4 of this thread


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## r37

you spend more time cleaning your car per week than yourself


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## svended

When you look at a car any 'normal' person would say is really clean and you say "that is bloody filthy".


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## djdarren

Your not a detailer till you've done a big job


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## Sirmally2

until you have snowfoamed, 2BM, Rinsed, Dried and sealed your 18 Sq M Conseravtory!*

*Really hope this isn't just me :lol:


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## Derek Mc

,,,, until you've cleaned engine parts in the dishwasher without getting caught 

,,,, until you've bought babywipes and can critique each maker of them by feel rahter than wrapper, despite having a kid in their late teen's


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## Derek Mc

Sirmally2 said:


> until you have snowfoamed, 2BM, Rinsed, Dried and sealed your 18 Sq M Conseravtory!*
> 
> *Really hope this isn't just me :lol:


No! I am just waiting for a decent weekend to snowfoam the gutters then G101 them and treat with some plastic trim and protector spray!


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## Dream Detail

Your not a detailer until you've cancelled previous plans so you can attend waxstock 

WWW.DREAMDETAIL.CO.UK

- Farnham's only professional detailing company -


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## absolute

Been covered head to toe in g3 spatter by your new silverline tool.


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## Mrizzle

...bored at least three friends or family members by talking about "exciting" detailing products.


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## -Raven-

Flown to another country just to meet up with like minded people!


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## The_Bouncer

Until you've 'toothpicked' clean a cabrio roof


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## Astro

Cleaned the underside of your car every week throughout the winter months


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## Johnny_B

jamieblackford said:


> Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.


Done this yesterday


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## Astro

Johnny_B said:


> Done this yesterday


Have to say I've done that.


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## ChrisST

...stopped to look at a car in a car park with soooo many swirls in the paint, pulled out your phone, taken a photo and sent it to a fellow member on here and then thought to yourself.. Jesus, I need to get out more!!! *









* I have never done this.... honestly!


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## -damon-

your not a detailer until you have moved to a sunny climate just so you can have the right weather to actualy clean a car


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## Buckweed

Your not a detailer until you've stood on you drive with a food bag on your hand stroking your car!!!! Nothing like a bit of before and after claying !!!


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## Leo19

You're not a detailer until you've just spent the night cleaning a set of wheels out in the dark under halogen light whilst its snowing! The neighbours really would've thought I'd lost the plot!


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## kempe

Your not untill you make the other half sleep on the sofa and you sleep with pressure washer in winter just so it dont freeze


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## Samh92

Your clearly not a detailer until you've cried over a wax..... (Waits for angry mob)


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## digitaluk

Your not a detailer until you have to clean/detail every car parked next to yours in the street.

It kinda ruins the impact of having a nice clean car, if the cars parked next to you are dirty... Have to clean every car halfway down the street... Im not an OCD freak though


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## supraGZaerotop

waking up one day realizing all you think about is cleaning cars


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## tictap

Until you've had an argument with the neighbours over how much snow foam's ran down the road!!


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## Greboth

digitaluk said:


> Your not a detailer until you have to clean/detail every car parked next to yours in the street.
> 
> It kinda ruins the impact of having a nice clean car, if the cars parked next to you are dirty... Have to clean every car halfway down the street... Im not an OCD freak though


Surely having them dirty adds to the effect as it is an bigger contrast than if they are all clean?

You are not a detailer until you drive into a super market car park and park the furthest from the door just so no one parks next to you.

You are not a detailer until you you drive through dirty puddles happily knowing that can clean it later.


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## JasonH20URF

tictap said:


> Until you've had an argument with the neighbours over how much snow foam's ran down the road!!


Yea and then get told your going to be sued if someone slips on it. Cry me a river if its icy it's icy DER!


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## Kerr

Until you've offended everyone else who then thinks you are a condescending git.


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## PeanuckleJive

When you're swirl spotting using your headlights on the back of the car in front at traffic lights and then dreaming up your pad/ polish combinations for removing them.

It's almost like a curse, I see swirls everywhere!


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## Jem

You've pulled the seats AND carpet out to clean them!


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## sicko

watching beading on GF's body and saying "well protected, which wax do you use"


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## Big Buffer

untill you have wetsanded a full car


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## Ongoing

your looking for imperfections in a fresh painted car... bugging the guy who just sprayed it!


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## Waltsinhull

you've trawled hardware and pound shops looking for items to improvise into detailing products


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## HeavenlyDetail

had a feature


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## bigslippy

HeavenlyDetail said:


> had a feature


That's a top trump Marc:thumb:


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## Serapth

You're not a detailer until...you get all your new purchases sent to your place of work to avoid further earbending from the missus


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## HeavenlyDetail

Your not a detailer till the mrs is irrlevant and her opinion counts for nothing. If she moans shes binned.
Detailing comes first.


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## Serapth

You're not a detailer until...you are genuinely horrified by the sight of a bird flying in the vicinity of your car.


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## AllenF

Until NO car impresses you anymore, and you dont look at badges just the dirt.


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## ADW111S

Until you detail your house 

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=299136

I TFRd the kitchen the other day, and intend to polish the tiles up soon.


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## amatkins

...until your girlfriend says "Your car looks really clean" and you look at her confused like she's just insulted you because its not that clean, you've driven it 60 miles since you washed it


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## DeeTailer

Until you've layed under the car to wash trhe rear silencer and rear axle beam......


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## clarky817

To you have done a tractor or digger lol


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## DeeTailer

Until you've baked your refurbed wheels in the shower!


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## DeeTailer

Until you're wheels are so clean, you can use them as a Christmas table decoration without any complaints from your other half.....


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## DeeTailer

Until your wife's boss tells her, without any prompting, that her humble Yaris is polished to a completely different class to his Audi S6 parked behind it.....


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## DeeTailer

Until you can't stop yourself taking a picture of the swirls on a bonnet of a nearly new demonstrator at your local "Premium German Car Dealership" with a view to pointing out to the sales manager the error of his ways....


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## Ming

I wasn't a detailler until I had 'cleaned an engine bay with a tooth brush' and 'applied a wax by hand' (Actually on the palm of your hand.) and almost had a stiring!!
Ming the Sad


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## cheekymonkey

Ming said:


> I wasn't a detailler until I had 'cleaned an engine bay with a tooth brush' and 'applied a wax by hand' (Actually on the palm of your hand.) and almost had a stiring!!
> Ming the Sad


hope it was someone elses toothbrush


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## Sparky160

You know you're a detailer when:

You refuse a FREE wash and valet from the dealers. 

You plan your detailing schedule a year in advance.


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## farley2708

you know you are a detailer when you use Eraser to clean the kids finger-prints off the flat-screen which hangs on the wall


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## GAVSY

Metal polished the inside of a stainless steel tail pipe


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## B0DSKI

Order a brand new car and tell them not to prep the paint in any way


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## Ming

cheekymonkey said:


> hope it was someone elses toothbrush


Of course!!!
it was Mrs Ming's


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## Ming

B0DSKI said:


> Order a brand new car and tell them not to prep the paint in any way


LOL
I have actually done that. told them I would rather clean it myself!!
Should have seen their faces!!
Ming the Retentive


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## JakeWhite

Until you spend an amount of time sniffing your products of an evening. (Much the same as someone browses their wine collection)


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## 50pey

Walk through a car park in the rain saying out loud "Nice beading! No beading! Nice beading no beading!"


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## bigup

You're not a detailer until:

1. You don't park under trees. 
2. You cut up your clay bar into smaller pieces 
3. You wish it to rain the day after you wax your car to check view the bead porn 
4. You buy more products than you actually need and have loads of it left over


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## Miglior

You're not a detailer until you:

A) blag your misses to work long hours for free
B) stitch her up on the social media sites and let 20k people have a giggle:










 just for a laugh... i told her id get her back


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## Singeon

Given people advice on the 'proper way' to clean their car even though they didn't ask for it and a couple of months ago you were doing the same thing they were :noob


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## RyanSpencer

It's a way of life.............not a job, that makes a true Detailer!!!


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## jamieblackford

Until you've driven past a brand new car in a 'hand car wash', squinted your eyes and winced at the pain.


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## ted11

Spent 9 hours cleaning each individual stitch on Aston Martin Vantage seats and dash, detailer or mental case ?


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## CGRD

Applied Exo to your shower


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## Titanium Htail

You plan your journey based on how clean the road is !

John THt.


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## Huey

banarno said:


> Didnt some guy "detail" a teapot a while back?
> 
> So................ You're not a detailer until you've.... detailed a teapot.


Done this..........and the sink and a stainless toaster...........and the shower:thumb:


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## Derek Mc

Titanium Htail said:


> You plan your journey based on how clean the road is !
> 
> John THt.


Oh hell yes! sadly I do that all the time now :lol:

Oh and ,,,,, until you look at the wifes legs and wonder what the rotary could achieve,,,,,,,


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## s29nta

^^^^^^ :lol:


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## muzzer

..you look at your trainers/shoes and wonder to yourself
" how good will they look with a bit of Megs APC to clean them?"


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## gerz1873

The day after a detail is finished your whole body aches but when you look at the results its worth it.... well nearly


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## jac.chadwick

HD WAXED your toilet to see if the water would bead when you flushed it.

It worked

True story.


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## m2srt

Your not a detailer until you've left your car at home for 8 weeks because they resurfaced the road outside your house. (I work mostly from home though)


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## IanA

jac.chadwick said:


> HD WAXED your toilet to see if the water would bead when you flushed it.
> 
> It worked
> 
> True story.


I thought you were going to say 'to see if the water would bead when you missed the pan' :lol:


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## Rabidracoon28

gerz1873 said:


> The day after a detail is finished your whole body aches but when you look at the results its worth it.... well nearly


So true


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## m2srt

B0DSKI said:


> Order a brand new car and tell them not to prep the paint in any way


Did that with current car. Dealer thought I was cuckoo. Also explain that getting one of their 'experts' to Lifeshine your car is NOT the best way to protect your new car.


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## r37

debated the merits of parking next to the trolley shed in a supermarket in order to avoid car doors from one side but risking stray trollies or parking near the recycling bins because its miles away from other cars but risking glass/stray beer cans/ect.

(for thoes that want to know she was less than interested and suggested i ''park the f***ing car'')


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## m33porsche

Few thoughts

- drive around puddles
- investigate safe parking arrangements before going any where new
- carry a MF and QD in the car for bird bomb action
- spend more that 2 hours every weekend on the wash process
- see swirls on other peoples cars whilst driving and on the move

There's loads more

m33


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## Astro

Stopped driving when starts raining and waited till it stops and the road dries before driving off again.
This is of course after you have dried your car.


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## AKA Pabs

Realised you have more pictures of reflection shots/beading shots/flake pop...than friends and family combined


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## Ballatie

What about owned a black car and dropped the snow foam lance on your roof! 

They do make a nice dent ( another skill to learn dent repair)

Oh we'll


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## Alex L

Ballatie said:


> What about owned a black car and dropped the snow foam lance on your roof!
> 
> They do make a nice dent ( another skill to learn dent repair)
> 
> Oh we'll


Ouch, how bad?


----------



## Kenny Powers

You're not a detailer until.......you've SF'ed, washed and dried your car twice...........in three hours on the same day, without the car even moving out of the drive, and all because some fine dust had settled on it after the first wash!


----------



## Waylander-A4

Threatened to punch the stupid windscreen washes at the trafffic lights


----------



## Alex L

Waylander-A4 said:


> Threatened to punch the stupid windscreen washes at the trafffic lights


I know that feeling, this is what I have to put up with

http://www.stuff.co.nz/taranaki-daily-news/news/7465196/Ban-on-squeegee-bandits-sought

http://www.stuff.co.nz/taranaki-daily-news/news/6630249/Wash-out-they-re-here


----------



## 636

Lied to your mrs about how much you have spent on detailing products when they turn up at the house, I usually half it, more if it was a big spend


----------



## Blackmondie

a serious raise of blood pressure when you thought you've seen a scratch on your bonnet
or
When you decided to go shopping the next day because you can't find a few emtpy parking spaces to take it ones...


----------



## Kash-Jnr

Until you have over 100 MF cloths!


----------



## Titanium Htail

You look at the car before the girl driving it.

Car
Wheels
DW member
Girl
Hair

:wave:


----------



## Ballatie

Alex L said:


> Ouch, how bad?


About 50pence piece sized.


----------



## Waylander-A4

Man the boy in the second link needs to sort his hair out!

Offer to detail it for him with a DA ON HIGH SPEED!


----------



## luke2.0tdi

After doing an 8 hour stint on it every time you get out the car you keep looking back at it 2, 3, 4, 5 times then just before it disappears from sight you have one more look!....lol or is that just me


----------



## 123HJMS

m33porsche said:


> Few thoughts
> 
> - drive around puddles
> - investigate safe parking arrangements before going any where new
> - carry a MF and QD in the car for bird bomb action
> - spend more that 2 hours every weekend on the wash process
> - see swirls on other peoples cars whilst driving and on the move
> 
> There's loads more
> 
> m33


That's me all over!!!! bar the QD in the car :detailer:


----------



## Pershing

Go outside in the rain to look at the beading...


----------



## 5doorfish

your not a detailer till you start noticing how poor the detailing is in some movies!


----------



## Ryanjdover

636 said:


> Lied to your mrs about how much you have spent on detailing products when they turn up at the house, I usually half it, more if it was a big spend


Or when you start having them delivered to work and carry a spare garage key to sneak them indoors without them seeing!


----------



## Kriminal

Pointed out defects on a hire car's paintwork before driving away that the hire company were unaware of :thumb:


----------



## Meta5

When you clay, polish and wax a caravan.....


----------



## spoofpig

decided 3 coats of wax is not enough


----------



## James Bagguley

Dont know if these count, but, i found myself shouting at a bird perched on someone elses car, just in case mine was next 

Called "Dont do it!" from my car window to someone leaving their rather tasty Supra to be "washed" by the supermarket car park scratchmongers, then driving away...

(It was a massive bird by the way)


----------



## Flakey

You clean your canvas shoes with fabric cleaner, the sink with APC and all mirrors in the house are cleaned using Auto grade glass cleaner.


----------



## magpieV6

You're not a detailer untill you've accidently singed your poor cats whiskers on the hob while attemting your own homebrew wax!  


She's fine now


----------



## 636

Lied to family/friends about what I'm doing so I can have a detailing session undisturbed


----------



## DimSum

jamieblackford said:


> Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.





Serapth said:


> You cant walk past cars in the street without looking at the condition of the paint as you walk by.





Ovaltine said:


> Youre not a detailer until you've spent 20 mins telling each mate how to wash his car properly


100% agree lol.

Theres probably more but theres quite a few pages to check, but those really stick out:lol:


----------



## Bruce865

when your girlfriend becomes a detailing widow and also possibly not eating for the rest of the month like myself! couldnt help it!


----------



## Cookies

...... given your lawnmower a detail. 

Only once mind - my wife told everyone we know. Nuff said.

Cooks

Edit: and the kettle and toaster. They're polished steel though...

Another Edit: Autosmart G101 is excellent for removing fake tan from the palm of your hand


----------



## Sue J

Cookies said:


> ...... given your lawnmower a detail.
> 
> Only once mind - my wife told everyone we know. Nuff said.
> 
> Cooks
> 
> Edit: and the kettle and toaster. They're polished steel though...
> 
> Another Edit: Autosmart G101 is excellent for removing fake tan from the palm of your hand


Don't think we would recommend this use of G101 though!


----------



## Guitarjon

Spent 4 days averaging about 12 hours a day cleaning your car and still not being happy with the result.


----------



## mull3tt mk5

Guitarjon said:


> Spent 4 days averaging about 12 hours a day cleaning your car and still not being happy with the result.


Agree 100%

And also getting told 'what you doing that for?'


----------



## Lowiepete

You're not a detailer until you've.... 
returned from holiday and the first things that go into your washing machine
are not your smalls, but a pile of MF cloths :buffer:

Regards,
Steve


----------



## alxg

.......until you start to look at every car and visualise it in 18 x 18 sections


----------



## Rascal_69

Untill you spent 500 plus on a wax. 

Jokes


----------



## age 555

Tutted at the neighbour for not using two buckets and shaking the head at a "scabby" sponge too :thumb:


----------



## R14CKE

Buff off a wax in the dark using ur iphone as a torch because the time got the better of u!!!


----------



## richardr

Your not a detailer until you've..............

Just snow foamed your car and the neighbor says "whats that for" and you spend the next 30 mins explaining and don't even think that's unusual.
Think he couldnt wait to get back indoors :lol: 

Plus the washing and claying in the rain, also doing your mums old VW Polo that hasn't been touched for at least 2 years and know it will be another 2 if she doesn't bring it around to your house.

I told her to bring it around at least once a month


----------



## Samba1360

The Cueball said:


> got caught up in the hype of the next 'not better than the previous' product or company...
> 
> :thumb:


Not got caught up in the hype of the next 'not better than the previous' product or company.


----------



## james vti-s

jac.chadwick said:


> HD WAXED your toilet to see if the water would bead when you flushed it.
> 
> It worked
> 
> True story.


:doublesho now thats pushing it


----------



## Kriminal

Until you've got over 5,000 posts on DW :thumb:


----------



## richard56

... Got a 50/50 of your wellies ...


----------



## MAC999

Serapth said:


> You cant walk past cars in the street without looking at the condition of the paint as you walk by.


Thats the one!

Oh and pointed out to the MD at work that his black Jaguar XFR is covered in swirls all over - he used a sponge to wash and a chamois Leather to dry!!!

No pay rise for me!


----------



## MAC999

Er, until you are detailing the car and it starts to snow?
.....and you carry on.....!


----------



## derbigofast

your not a detailer till you bought a stem cleaner for interior


----------



## sbrocks

Not until you go to the supermarket to do the weekly shop, then have to return home as you forgot to remove your "kit" from the boot before setting off, and there's not enough room for the groceries


----------



## neilb62

Torn a fingernail off cleaning the inside lip of a wheelarch.... :-(


----------



## muzzer

Been to see wedding cars and instead of paying attention to what your future wife is doing, you're assessing the condition of the cars paintwork and deciding which polish and pad combo to use.


----------



## ottostein

Suffered in the f'##in cold for 5 hours to go to work till 10PM IN THE COLD!


----------



## Guru

For me it's these -

1. Taking twice the time walking through any car park.
2. Trying to notice swirls on moving cars.
3. Cleaning wheel wells post monsoon (winter for you folks) without a pressure washer.
4. Cutting and bruising your hands while cleaning engine bay.
5. Keep watching your freshly detailed car from the window every 5 minutes or so.


----------



## carl robson

Corrected a car from a cheap hand wash outlet


----------



## 121DOM

Treated your tool chest to 3 Steps of Werkstat ?


----------



## m2srt

Try to keep a straight face whilst a salesman tries to sell you 'paint protection'!


----------



## m2srt

muzzer42 said:


> Been to see wedding cars and instead of paying attention to what your future wife is doing, you're assessing the condition of the cars paintwork and deciding which polish and pad combo to use.


My sister in law got married abroad last month, I hired a Black E Class to drive her, I spent 3 hours on a jetwash forecourt getting it up to a 'semi' respectable state. P1 with a tri sponge and a quick coat of c1.5. Not ideal but looked a million times better then when I collected it at the airport.


----------



## dailly92

When describing to other people the method you wash your car with and they have the look on their face of "are you crazy"


----------



## dailly92

explaining to people why lamswool type mits are far better than sponges and why 2 buckets are essential


----------



## spiros

When detailing products are never enough ..


----------



## Scrooge

You're not a detailer until you do at least one once a week, even for the sake of it, lie to the OH about what you're doing or do it in the dark.


----------



## Kerr

Scrooge said:


> You're not a detailer until you do at least one once a week, even for the sake of it, lie to the OH about what you're doing or do it in the dark.


What's your sex life got to do with detailing? :lol:


----------



## Scrooge

LOL!

Oh and I also forgot, hoping it rains so you can see how well your newly applied LSP beads.


----------



## Saamm93

You have to convince your family you really do need to place another order...


----------



## r37

I delayed going out with my missus by 2 hours last night to wash the car after i followed a tractor home. I didnt tell her thats why but she gave me a funny look when i picked her up in a pristine car.


----------



## carl robson

Cleaned your shoes with cherry glaze and obsession


----------



## Astro

You stop on route to wipe bugs of your lovely clean screen and grill.


----------



## Blanco92

When your passengers find detailing gear in the glovebox and cubby holes of your car...


----------



## Astro

Or, you are sitting up in bed at 11:15 pm checking out this site.


----------



## SadlyDistracted

Able to identify a tyre model from its tread pattern ?


----------



## Junior Bear

Talking of tyres


Your not a detailer until you can predict which tyre shine will look best on certain tyre brands!



Or is it just me haha


----------



## muzzer

Increasingly it seems you're not a detailer unless you are ready to set up your own business :lol:


----------



## Horatio

You spend all day debating whether to wash the car, when you finally do there's an hour of sunlight left and it starts raining before you've finished your first layer of wax. You think, oh hell, Il do it tomorrow. The process then begins again.


----------



## leon20v

Delayed leaving the country by over 2 weeks and spending 4 days in the cold so parents first ever new car can get treated with gtechniq, because you are worried they wont be able to keep it clean over winter :thumb:


----------



## ted11

Not signed out of DW for nearly 2 years.


----------



## leon2 gr

you run outside in a rainy day just to see the water beads and sheets from your car


----------



## karan5

You spent christmas and boxing day detailing the car


----------



## Nick-W

Can tell exactly what product was last used on a micro fibre by a quick sniff


----------



## tigercub

jamieblackford said:


> Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.


Hahaha Been there done it and informed the sales dept about the swirls.They said ohh yes we never notice them. Then they said its a black car they all have swirl marks lol


----------



## tigercub

I truly believe you become a detailer when you own a black car .


----------



## Derekh929

Until your neighbor asks if your part of a car washing club, and asks you to do there car, and attend detailing meets, and wash your car with a foot of snow on the ground, also have a black car lol


----------



## realist

Oh no!, I've got a black car:wall:


----------



## tigercub

Derekh929 said:


> Until your neighbor asks if your part of a car washing club, and asks you to do there car, and attend detailing meets, and wash your car with a foot of snow on the ground, also have a black car lol


Haha fantastic. Nice Mini btw


----------



## NipponShine

Until you talk to the lady in Post office regarding detailing topics and recommend products to them while holding up the queue with furious customers.


----------



## yzfr1

.........when your 4 year old daughter knows what beading is...lol


----------



## Derekh929

tigercub said:


> Haha fantastic. Nice Mini btw


Thanks Mini gone 3 weeks ago got a Seat Ibiza SC 1.4 Toca:doublesho the daughter is 17 soon so needs to learn to drive in wife's car so Cooper S had to go unfortunately


----------



## tigercub

Derekh929 said:


> Thanks Mini gone 3 weeks ago got a Seat Ibiza SC 1.4 Toca:doublesho the daughter is 17 soon so needs to learn to drive in wife's car so Cooper S had to go unfortunately


Shame I have a 2011 Mini JCW and I love it. Hope u enjoy your new car too.


----------



## Melkor

Until you have had a two hour argument with a workmate, that polish and wax are two different bloody things.


----------



## carl robson

You spend two days with autobrite Demond cleaning your twin oven range


----------



## AndyC

Until you spot swirls on cars on TV (black saloons in The Godfather which I'm watching now lol)


----------



## CTSCraig

AndyC said:


> Until you spot swirls on cars on TV (black saloons in The Godfather which I'm watching now lol)


^^ this. Strange you mentioned that film as it was the only/first film i noticed the swirls on too!!


----------



## joeNRS

booked a day off work just to do the car


----------



## Young_JD

See a beautiful Ferrari California whilst out shopping, not admiring it's beauty but being disappointed in it's swirl marked paint work hahaha


----------



## AndyC

joeNRS said:


> booked a day off work just to do the car


Done that a few times!!


----------



## Avnt

Clean your bathroom with car wax to make the sink bead


----------



## Mk3Brick

Applied G1 to your watch face.


----------



## muzzer

Tried to get the amount of new posts when you log in to dw, into single figures.


----------



## Sick_at_Sea

Been hoodwinked by hype?


----------



## Sick_at_Sea

AndyC said:


> Done that a few times!!


Me too..........


----------



## lewylinto

Avnt said:


> Clean your bathroom with car wax to make the sink bead


I have done this but it was on the bath as I was in it and I couldn't wait to try my new wax haha!

Also when you get ear ache off your girlfriend or wife because you spend to much time on your car and not with her.


----------



## Avnt

lewylinto said:


> I have done this but it was on the bath as I was in it and I couldn't wait to try my new wax haha!
> 
> Also when you get ear ache off your girlfriend or wife because you spend to much time on your car and not with her.


Its good if you live in hard water areas stops lime sticking to tiles and bath


----------



## norfolk_msd

You're not a detailer until you've cleaned and protect the pedals.


----------



## shaneslatcher93

You're not a detailer until you spot a brand new car in a film swirled to the moon and back.


----------



## Guru

norfolk_msd said:


> You're not a detailer until you've cleaned and protect the pedals.


Be careful putting protectant on the pedals. A lot of those protectants tend to make the surface slippery - not a good thing with pedals.


----------



## SBM

You're not a detailer until you find yourself pointing out all the swirls and marks and poor detailing on the show cars in Top Gear to your wife... and she hates Top Gear anyway!

Ben


----------



## suspal

Guru said:


> Be careful putting protectant on the pedals. A lot of those protectants tend to make the surface slippery - not a good thing with pedals.


No sh*t Sherlock  :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


----------



## k4ith

Understand automotive paints, polishing techniques.


----------



## SadlyDistracted

:buffer: Painting, lacquering, polishing and sealing alloys, ...
... the insides of them ! 
And proudly telling people you have done so :argie:


----------



## fizzle86

Slag another detailer online....

Seems to be the trend on FB!


----------



## bradleymarky

You`re not a detailer until you`ve used half a bottle of Ironx on 1 alloy..


----------



## s29nta

SadlyDistracted said:


> :buffer: Painting, lacquering, polishing and sealing alloys, ...
> ... the insides of them !
> And proudly telling people you have done so :argie:


yeah:thumb: funny though they dont always seem to be as impressed:thumb:


----------



## SadlyDistracted

s29nta said:


> yeah:thumb: funny though they dont always seem to be as impressed:thumb:


So true ! You can even see some folk trying to edge away from the looney :lol:

Suprised I'm still married :wall:


----------



## s29nta

Suprised I'm still married :wall:[/QUOTE]

could be why im not!:lol::lol::lol:


----------



## norfolk_msd

suspal said:


> No sh*t Sherlock  :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


:lol::lol::lol:


----------



## bradleymarky

You`re not a detailer until........you`ve hosed the car to get rid of frost or ice..


----------



## SadlyDistracted

bradleymarky said:


> You`re not a detailer until........you`ve hosed the car to get rid of frost or ice..


Nope, sorry - a detailer would have put the car in a nice warm garrage or workshop to stop it from getting frozen in the first place


----------



## Leebo310

1. You've detailed your key fobs
2. You take the opportunity to clean the interior with a mf that you keep in the glovebox when waiting at traffic lights
3. You stop telling your wife how much you spend on detailing products
4. You view every car with a pad/polish combo in mind


----------



## SadlyDistracted

Leebo310 said:


> 1. You've detailed your key fobs
> 2. You take the opportunity to clean the interior with a mf that you keep in the glovebox when waiting at traffic lights
> 3. You stop telling your wife how much you spend on detailing products
> 4. You view every car with a pad/polish combo in mind


:lol:

4.  Sad but true and check out the state of the tyres, mudflaps, windscreen corners / unwiped areas and exhaust trims!!
3.  Never even dared starting! 
2. :argie: Yep, have 3 mf's in there, one for dusting, one for glass and onme for exterior 
1. :doublesho Fail ! Neven even dreamt of this (but does having covers on the BM key remotes count) until now (damn you) ?


----------



## graham1970

Well...from what i'm reading your not a detailer until you can look at a perfectly(to the layman)clean car,and car key phob... and disappear up ones own rectum....at least once a week:doublesho


----------



## Leebo310

SadlyDistracted said:


> 1. :doublesho Fail ! Neven even dreamt of this (but does having covers on the BM key remotes count) until now (damn you) ?


Haha, sorry mate! :lol:
Nope, covers don't count - Do it properly and get some trim restorer on there to bring back the blackness!


----------



## muzzer

...looked at someones handiwork in cleaning their and sucked air through your teeth whilst shaking your head.


----------



## Oddbod

:lol:Spent longer detailing your lawn mower than it takes to mow your lawn


----------



## alan h M

Look out the window to see a lovely sunny winters day and think I wont bother because the next 4 hours of dry weather isnt enough to get anything done


----------



## Leebo310

This is my favourite thread ever, every single post makes me actually laugh out loud!


----------



## DeeTailer

Bought a tin of colour matched Audi paint and painted the wheel balance weights on your wheels to match your black-edition alloys.


----------



## DodgeMaster92

Detailed something other than your car  like laptop or room! hahaha


----------



## Jade Warrior

Crawled under to remove the heat shield n clean it, pulled a muscle reaching into the wheel space, remove wheels to paint brake calipers..
ALL
instead of goin to the pub.


----------



## Andyrat85

I went on a track day the other day and couldn't resist telling them the cars were in terrible shape. And did they want me to take care of the fleet properly.

Got home to find they have a post for a valeter advertised on the website and realised why the cars are in such bad shape !! Nice cars to work on though 

Advert below lol


----------



## 66Cobra

DeeTailer said:


> Bought a tin of colour matched Audi paint and painted the wheel balance weights on your wheels to match your black-edition alloys.


:thumb:

Taken 18 Hours to clean your 4 Wheels, Arches, Changed all you Balance Weights for Black Ones and then Sealed them with C5. :thumb:


----------



## Leebo310

DodgeMaster92 said:


> Detailed something other than your car  like laptop or room! hahaha


I used FinishCare Top Kote on my laptop, came up a treat! I used the same stuff on my key fobs and my daughter's car seat


----------



## Clean ocd

Not a detailer till you apply wax by Palm of hands haha


----------



## alan h M

Woke up at 6 in the morning and the only thing you can think to do is get cleaning


----------



## jhl01

Until you've tried buffing your wife's bikini wax


----------



## James_R

Washed, polished and waxed/sealed your car, only to immediately pour/spray water over it to convince yourself of said wax/sealants amazing beading properties. :argie::argie:

:thumb:


----------



## Tiggersmith

Pulled all the seats out of your new (to you) car to properly clean the carpet and given your brand new George and your new Galaxy S4 a coat of C2V3.


----------



## Chicane

Polished your fridge.


----------



## Cookies

Used britemax metal polish on the brass bits on your snow foam lance. Nice and shiny now though....

Oh, and the kettle and toaster.


----------



## stevobeavo

.......You've just finished washing your car, walk away, stop, look back and smile before dusting your shoulder and bobbing in doors.


----------



## Hazbobsnr

Clay bar your`e lawn mower, then polish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol:

I need to get out more, eh!!!!!

Came up nice though.:wave:


----------



## DeeTailer

Until you've spent four days in Le Mans with 12 mates watching the 24 hour race, walking through the camp sites and looking at all the amazing cars that people have driven over in - and all you can think of is "OMG - they're all covered in layers and layers of dust from the dry campsite - that's going to ruin the paintwork".


----------



## VXRSi

Predominantly used engine braking so as not to muck the wheels up.


----------



## stuartr

Seen a faded red car and thought I'd love to detail that


----------



## marc147

DeeTailer said:


> Until you've spent four days in Le Mans with 12 mates watching the 24 hour race, walking through the camp sites and looking at all the amazing cars that people have driven over in - and all you can think of is "OMG - they're all covered in layers and layers of dust from the dry campsite - that's going to ruin the paintwork".


Brilliant, thats exactly what i do lol


----------



## Guru

VXRSi said:


> Predominantly used engine braking so as not to muck the wheels up.


Hah, that would be me. Actually all I can do is to try - it simply is not possible in our traffic conditions.


----------



## VXRSi

Guru said:


> Hah, that would be me. Actually all I can do is to try - it simply is not possible in our traffic conditions.


Nope, even despite planning ahead someone always messes you up.

I've got another one.

You're not a detailer until you've... gone out in your missus' car cus your tyre dressing hasn't cured yet.


----------



## jenks

Read every page of Shudamans garage build thread!


----------



## Brad252

Applied some left over Gtechniq G1 to your shower screen so you can see the effects daily!


----------



## Blackmondie

Said to yourself : OK, that product is what I was looking for, I'm done buying stuff now.
Then 5 min later you see a new product and go like : allright, need to try that stuff!!!


----------



## Tuska

Noticed they usually leave the exhaust.


----------



## VXRSi

m2srt said:


> Try to keep a straight face whilst a salesman tries to sell you 'paint protection'!


Hahaha... I even managed to make it half way through the diagram he drew (think cartoon waves being levelled off by the application of diamondbrite) before a smile broke out.


----------



## packard

Take pleasure in buying cotton buds, tooth picks, and cotton pads in the supermarket


----------



## VXRSi

Gotten off the bicycle you'd spent the previous day cleaning (early teens at the time) and carried it 2 miles home cus it'd started raining.

Remembered that when I was reading through the rest of this thread and burst out laughing... cue strange looks and a head shake from the missus lol.


----------



## Spudey

When you choose your next car model based on paint hardness.

When you spend hundreds of pounds on a pressure washer only to buy a new hose and attachments for it anyway.

When you refuse to use the multi-story because it's too risky using the ramps which are too narrow with massive kerbs.

You get mad at your OH for letting her dad clean her car when she was away visiting. "I told you not to let him near the paint with that hose brush! aaaarrrhhhhh!"


----------



## Rabidracoon28

Chicane said:


> Polished your fridge.


I must be a proper detailer now then lol


----------



## Roger46

Detail a 1/18 scale model car, then double coat with wax because it needs all that protection.......lol


----------



## luigi105

Cleaned your car and then it rains, then going out afterwards to dry it incase of water spots.


----------



## Rodriguez

Roger46 said:


> Detail a 1/18 scale model car, then double coat with wax because it needs all that protection.......lol


I've done that! In the end I felt so ashamed :lol: But now I feel better cause I don't feel alone.


----------



## Storry

Until you've polished your ceramic sink


----------



## Turbo R

Did this last weekend toilet needed a new fill & flush 
So 
Took the en suite toilet out, brought outside , snow foam then 
Karcher rinse 
Troweled dry then a detail spray. Install back in 
Know thinking of doing other toilets in house lol


----------



## Cookies

Wet sanded our stainless steel kitchen sink the other day. Polished with a couple of old pads destined for the bin and Megs 105/205.


----------



## cheekymonkey

Cookies said:


> Wet sanded our stainless steel kitchen sink the other day. Polished with a couple of old pads destined for the bin and Megs 105/205.


not good enough mate, what did you seal it with


----------



## paddyred

Until you have Degreased, Washed and then lightly ironed your microfibre towels. 

FROM NEW


----------



## MDC250

Until you've bought an extra set of wheels so you can do a swap over for deep cleans and take your sweet time doing it.


----------



## suspal

Unless you come from here


----------



## chunkytfg

Turned up to view a house to rent and the first thing you do is get the compass app out on your phone to work out if the driveway will be in shade in the morning! And when it wasn't but the house was perfect you decide to keep looking!


----------



## xiphidius

****ed something up and are capable of making good!


----------



## Alex_225

You're not a detailer until.....you've walked past and shaken your head at a supercar getting a £5 car wash!


----------



## paddyred

gone to a car show and cringed when someone waxes there car with an applicator sponge using too much wax and far to much pressure in the STRONG daytime sun on a dark car then not being surprised about the car being swirled to hell... Then again I could only see one car that wasn't and that was matte white :lol:


----------



## Marcos999

Waxed the inside of my shower so it beads nicely!


----------



## neilb62

Snowfoamed the conservatory... (guess what I'm doing now!) :thumb:


----------



## stuartr

I detailed the garden rotary clothes airer at the weekend. Cleaned all the aluminium then FK1000P and finally 303 on the plastic parts. How sad am I


----------



## luigi105

neilb62 said:


> Snowfoamed the conservatory... (guess what I'm doing now!) :thumb:


does it work well, thinking about doing this the other day but didnt know if it was pointless. Could see it working (taking of dirt etc)


----------



## neilb62

luigi105 said:


> does it work well, thinking about doing this the other day but didnt know if it was pointless. Could see it working (taking of dirt etc)


It worked well, I foamed it with APC then went for a brew, you could see the dirt pouring off! I foamed again with snow foam left it for 10 mins then power washed off.
It ain't perfect but the difference is amazing! :thumb:


----------



## EcosseGP

luigi105 said:


> does it work well, thinking about doing this the other day but didnt know if it was pointless. Could see it working (taking of dirt etc)


Yeah it does .. Perfectly 
Thought it was only me that did this ... I don't feel so bad now lol


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## Astro

You see rain is imminent so you stop on your journey so the underside does not get wet and dirty, then when it stops raining you dry your car and wait for the roads to dry.

Yes I actually did that and more than once.


----------



## CrookyMonster

i have actually gone to someone and said you should not own a car in the dirty and disgusting condition it was in. i always look at paintwork for any imperfections lol


----------



## Greboth

When you see swirly cars on your commute and think - that car would look so much better for 2 days with me.


----------



## ALLR_155528

Your not a car detailer until everyone at works wants you to detail there car so it look like yours


----------



## bradleymarky

Started on my car at midnight and went through until 10.00 am, washed. clayed, decon. polished and waxed. Totally knackered for 2 days but i enjoyed no interuptions..


----------



## Big Buffer

Your not a detailer untill your clean and decon stage takes 10 hours


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## Megs Lad

Your not a detailer until your cleaning places that will never even be seen !! Ha ha 

Few examples cleaning behind the rear lights , behind bumpers ,wheel arches ,calipers,undercarriage and in some cases even spare wheel ha ha


----------



## UtzChips

jamieblackford said:


> Walk in to a new car dealership and look for swirls on new cars.


Can we imagine finding a vehicle on the lot that needs detailing in a bad way, for a new car, then tell the salesperson you're interested in the car, but because it needs detailing in a bad way and you don't trust their detailers, that you can only offer a "used car price" just to see the look on the person's face? :buffer:


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## Seand

You've used poorboys black hole on your son's toy car, because it looked a bit dull


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## s29nta

Seand said:


> You've used poorboys black hole on your son's toy car, because it looked a bit dull


nice job:thumb:


----------



## Seand

Haha really want to get it on my car but the weather is having none of it


----------



## s29nta

ok here at the mo but showers never far away.


----------



## ITSonlyREECE

You've been complimented on how clean the car looks, but to you, the car looks filthy


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## Flakey

There are paint imperfections on your car that nobody else can see. And they're driving you nuts.


----------



## Cookies

cheekymonkey said:


> not good enough mate, what did you seal it with


Couldn't mate - it started raining ahem..... 

Cooks


----------



## DetailMark

Bought a spare car panel to practice on :buffer:


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## muzzer

Looked at any product, car, motorcycle, ipad, phone etc and thought, that needs correcting.


----------



## s29nta

you pull up on the supermarket carpark in what you consider to be a dirty car, the £5 wash man is about to shout car wash mate! but then looks at your car and walks back the other way:lol: just happened to me made me day:thumb:


----------



## Storry

Hoovered lines into your car mats after wet vaxing!


----------



## Waltsinhull

...washed what any sane person would describe as a perfectly clean car just because you could see some dust on it :lol:


----------



## packard

:speechles


neilb62 said:


> It worked well, I foamed it with APC then went for a brew, you could see the dirt pouring off! I foamed again with snow foam left it for 10 mins then power washed off.
> It ain't perfect but the difference is amazing! :thumb:


I ALWAYS do this every dew weeks, it's brilliant ! And fun


----------



## bruce92

Shouted at some one for leaning on some body else's car


----------



## alfajim

stood in the garage, waiting to pay for petrol, and admired the shiniest car on the forecourt. naturally it's yours.


----------



## bradleymarky

Dared to use works power washer without consent and possible disciplinary action.


----------



## muzzer

Winced at someone cleaning their car at a petrol station jetwash, complete with broom


----------



## Dougnorwich

When you get the da out after yiuve just glossed the woodwork in the bedroom


----------



## Benjay

Included space to detail in your decision when buying a home!


----------



## Astro

When a bug hit your screen and you stop to clean it off not only the screen and end up cleaning them off the front of car as well. (Yes thats what I do)


----------



## Big Buffer

Till you have seen this thread bumped back up about 20 times


----------



## Mean & clean

Spent 3 days in your garage with the car on axle stands with the arch liners stripped out to clean parts no one will ever see :thumb:


----------



## badly_dubbed

refused lifting people somewhere....in fear of marks, dirt etc


----------



## minnis

You're not a detailer until you start checking your mirrors three times as often as you should. Most of the time to check out the reflections in the bodywork.


----------



## s29nta

minnis said:


> You're not a detailer until you start checking your mirrors three times as often as you should. Most of the time to check out the reflections in the bodywork.


i do that:thumb:


----------



## ianrobbo1

Been to a car show and cant see anything past all the swirls and old "leathers" being used on good "soon to be swirly" paintwork!! :wall::wall:


----------



## PeanuckleJive

Kept a miniature detailing kit in the boot and spent your dinner hour cleaning 2 or 3 days worth of brake dust off your wheels instead of having dinner :thumb:


----------



## Greboth

PeanuckleJive said:


> Kept a miniature detailing kit in the boot and spent your dinner hour cleaning 2 or 3 days worth of brake dust off your wheels instead of having dinner :thumb:


I haven't done my wheels but I do carry around a kit so I can remove bird bombs as soon as possible.


----------



## -Raven-

You're not a detailer until you've bought a new cordless drill just to pull the guts out and install a 'special' 12v bulb to make a Sun Gun! :lol:


----------



## clap

Greboth said:


> I haven't done my wheels but I do carry around a kit so I can remove bird bombs as soon as possible.


Likewise.


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## s29nta

luving the bosch sun gun!


----------



## JMorty

Glass sealant on the shower doors, I think a lot of us have done that


----------



## Storry

-Raven- said:


> You're not a detailer until you've bought a new cordless drill just to pull the guts out and install a 'special' 12v bulb to make a Sun Gun! :lol:


Can we have a 'how to' on this Raven?!


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## -Raven-

Storry said:


> Can we have a 'how to' on this Raven?!


Mega thread here mate

http://www.detailingworld.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=205820

You just need a 14.4v drill, a MR16 light connector, and a solux 4700k MR16 bulb. You pull the motor out and connect the connector to the wires, plug in the bulb and you're pretty much done. Depending on what drill you buy is how much dremeling you have to do to fit the bulb. Very simple to do, only takes a few minutes.

The shopping list is all in that thread. :thumb:


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## DurhamLad1973

Walked somewhere in the rain cos "I'm not getting the car wet" :detailer:


----------



## Fraggle...

Untill.....

You have Wet vax'd vomit from a headlining, with it still in.

Offered free de swirling sessions to the in laws...i truly loath swirls that much.

Removed interior vents for a dusting.

Mirrored the cd collection while waiting for wax to cure.

Bought new "car specific trainers" for driving duties.

You own more car shampoo than human products.


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## Waltsinhull

Fraggle... said:


> Untill.....
> 
> You own more car shampoo than human products.


Definitely me I'm afraid - one bottle in the shower one spray in the cupboard - garage...can't move for expensive, lavish car orientated (or improvised) lotions and potions :thumb:


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## Ross

Having a dream about a car shampoo which forces the dirt down to the bottom of the bucket


----------



## B0DSKI

Used so many different products on different panels of your own car/van that you struggle to remember what's on where


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## OCD clean

you are not a detailer until you can bring a tear of joy to a client when you show them there car


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## MikeMayUK

Apologies for the duplicates in here, but ...

_You're not a detailer until ..._

- You keep more dental floss, toothpicks, cotton buds and toothbrushes in the garage than you do in the bathroom
- You see a Koenigsegg Agera R (or whatever's your star car of choice) on the road and, instead of thinking "Wow! What a great car!" you think "Hmm - that could be shinier."
- You genuinely believe your basic, 12-year-old Skoda Fabia is better than your neighbour's brand-new, top-spec Jaguar F-Type, because it's so much shinier
- When you wipe bird poop off your bonnet, you do it by going over the entire car with detailing spray and an MF
- Every car you see on the road, you mentally divide up into sections for using the DA on
- You've picked out your wheel balance weights in a highlight colour
- You suffer a minor spasm, as though you've just had a near-death experience, as you pass a hand car wash site
- Changing a wheel after a puncture is seen as an excellent opportunity for cleaning the underside of your car - even on the hard shoulder of the M1
- You've painted all the suspension components - including the backs of your brake callipers
- You've come outside the day after cleaning your car to find a thick film of Saharan dust has stuck to the overnight condensation, fallen to your knees, shaken your fist at the sky and sobbed "Why don't you just kill me? It would be kinder!"
- You drop your wife off at the local body shop to pick up her car after some repair work and come away with a boot full of discarded body panels for practising on with your DA
- You have a spare alloy in your garage just in case the manufacturer discontinues them
- You stay out of the pub on Friday nights so you can get up at five o'clock on a Saturday morning in order to can get the car washed before the sun gets on it
- You stay up past ten p.m. to wax the car after the sun gets off it
- Youv'e got a lovely shine on your lead battery terminals
- You don't mind your neighbours' noisy parties as it covers the sound of your DA when you're polishing at night
- You carry a door mat around so people can wipe their feet before they get into your car
- When parking in a car park, you always look for a spot with plenty of empty space around it, the better to show off the car
- You've fitted the front seats with quick-release bolts to make it easier to clean the crevices underneath them
- You always replace exterior bulbs in pairs (like you're supposed to) because balanced lights look so much better - and even if you can't actually see the difference, you just know, and that's what matters
- The backs of your wheels are cleaner than the fronts of most other people's
- You've polished the little rubber strap that binds your petrol cap to the car
- You can identify any of more than 300 different cleaning products in a blind smell test
- You love it when your freshly-cleaned car gets rained on so you can admire the beading
- You respond to someone's complimenting of your car by looking at them like they're insane and pointing out every defect - even those invisible to mere mortals
- You take the morning call of "rise and shine" literally
- You are unable to comprehend how anyone could not believe that a high-pressure air line is an essential drying tool
- Your breakdown kit includes more cleaning products than tools
- You carry a replica shotgun to ward off the screen washers at the traffic lights in town
- You have an extensive collection of custom brushes - created from bottle cleaners and welding rods - that fit every nook and cranny under your bonnet
- The mere thought of someone manoeuvring a shopping trolley within fifty feet of your car freezes your blood and makes a cold sweat run down your back
- You own more MF cloths than items of clothing, including handkerchiefs and socks
- You respond to someone's description of their car - that sounds like a monologue from F&F ("Yeah, she's got dual updraft carbs backing a hi-blow supercharger, folded inlets and Hi-Vue take-offs, a three-point manglewurzle defabulator and matched overshaft pinions driving cro-alloy-mag hiperplanes with dry-ducted tapers") - with the only statement that really matters: "Nice. Mine's shiny."
- You do all of the above and don't see it as a sign that you need to seek professional help


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## dancoupe

Your not a detailer untill you have read all of the comments and then think to your self hang on I do most of this stuff haha


----------



## OCD clean

been on holiday somewhere and blown pretty much all your money on car cleaning stuff as its cheaper than were you normally get it haha


----------



## muzzer

Flown from an airport and thought

"That plane needs machine polishing badly, where is my business card"


----------



## minnis

Thought about using the 2BM for washing up, because you don't want the plates to get swirls.


----------



## Jesse74

Wet sanded, painted and polished your girlfriend's nails... and nano-ed them. Oh yes I did


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## minnis

Wolf's Chemicals said:


> Wet sanded, painted and polished your girlfriend's nails... and nano-ed them. Oh yes I did


:lol:
My fiancee just saw this, held her hand out and said "yes please"... :wall:


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## DetailingMonkey

Your not a detailer until it takes you longer to sort out all your gear than it does to detail a car.


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## Mike!

DetailingMonkey said:


> Your not a detailer until it takes you longer to sort out all your gear than it does to detail a car.


So true :lol:

Nothing more annoying than finishing a car, looking how clean it is, then looking at all the stuff you now need to put back


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## PugIain

DetailingMonkey said:


> You're not a detailer until it takes you longer to sort out all your gear than it does to detail a car.


Or trying to decide what to use, looking at all your boxes of stuff and thinking "**** knows".
Or is that just me?.


----------



## DetailingMonkey

PugIain said:


> Or trying to decide what to use, looking at all your boxes of stuff and thinking "**** knows".
> Or is that just me?.


I think we've all been there especially when it comes to my waxes :wall:


----------



## jenks

You're not a detailer until your car car products smell better than the stuff you use on yourself.


----------



## Steve

Wolf's Chemicals said:


> Wet sanded, painted and polished your girlfriend's nails... and nano-ed them. Oh yes I did


You legend.


----------



## shervi

Stared at your car thinking about what you going to do with it, before you realised people are watching you talk to it!


----------



## luigi105

Until you detailed your bathroom show screen.

Yes, yes i did. Best looking shower i have seen now lol


----------



## Mish

luigi105 said:


> Until you detailed your bathroom show screen.
> 
> Yes, yes i did. Best looking shower i have seen now lol


I'm quilts of that, as well as waxing my tiles


----------



## Guru

Mish said:


> waxing my tiles


I hope not the ones on the floor?:doublesho


----------



## Mish

Guru said:


> I hope not the ones on the floor?:doublesho


Haha! I have visions of my cats and dog sliding around now :lol:


----------



## Guru

Mish said:


> cats and dog sliding around now :lol:


not to mention human beings.


----------



## jenks

You're not a detailer until...

You put roof bars and cycle carriers on your car ready for the hols, then spend 10 mins putting trim dressing on all the plastics.

Oh yes I did:thumb:


----------



## Tuska

You've left your family and friends behind to detail a complete strangers pride and joy


----------



## Sicskate

Until...


The misses runs into a shop... And you grab a cloth and start spraying QD while in a drop off point outside tesco


----------



## Astro

You have put a doormat beside your car in the garage so you can wipe the soles of your shoes before you get in the car.


----------



## cortinajim

Until
You have won the top prize at WAXSTOCK :thumb:


----------



## Rabidracoon28

Until....


You have ending up arguing with the Mrs after merely asking her (and providing a demonstration) to close the boot/door without touching the paintwork


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## minnis

The OH has started commenting on the orange peel and swirls on random cars in the street. 

Im so proud, I've trained her well!! . 
Feel like a proper detailer now.


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## Cookies

minnis said:


> The OH has started commenting on the orange peel and swirls on random cars in the street.
> 
> Im so proud, I've trained her well!! .
> Feel like a proper detailer now.


Funny, at the weekend me and the Mrs were chatting about a swirly car that had pulled up beside us. She said that she used to think it was just what happened as cars got older and was just as inevitable as wrinkles. Now she realises that it's not the case. She also commented on how dirty our sis in law's wheels were on Sunday, and she knows what happens if brake dust gets left on too long. I like the idea of the mat in the garage for wiping your feet.

Cooks


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## Dougnorwich

Cookies said:


> Funny, at the weekend me and the Mrs were chatting about a swirly car that had pulled up beside us. She said that she used to think it was just what happened as cars got older and was just as inevitable as wrinkles. Now she realises that it's not the case. She also commented on how dirty our sis in law's wheels were on Sunday, and she knows what happens if brake dust gets left on too long. I like the idea of the mat in the garage for wiping your feet.
> 
> Cooks


Mine just says I'm a forum widow or oh another shiny car

Tart


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## Dinnie

This one may already been covered.....

Until.......you've asked the garage / dealership not to wash the car when you take it in for a service.


----------



## Dougnorwich

Dinnie said:


> This one may already been covered.....
> 
> Until.......you've asked the garage / dealership not to wash the car when you take it in for a service.


Oh yes many times, I've even got a rear view mirror hanger in case they think about it that say

DO NIT WASH THIS VEHICLE

They think I'm nuts


----------



## Rollini

This has probably been covered...

But...

Until you realise you surrendered your glove box to qd and mf cloths incase your car gets shat on by a flying rat.


----------



## ITSonlyREECE

Until.... You hear someone say "your car looks clean" when, to you, it looks filthy, and you then start to wonder if they were taking the p**s or not


----------



## Kiashuma

ITSonlyREECE said:


> Until.... You hear someone say "your car looks clean" when, to you, it looks filthy, and you then start to wonder if they were taking the p**s or not


So true. Mum said the Kia was mint, it was filthy after 200 wet motorway miles, no tyre dressing etc :lol:


----------



## Guest

Exactly!


----------



## stumpy90

you're not a detailer until you've parked your car and taken about 5 glances back at it while walking away.


----------



## ianrobbo1

Your not a detailer until you see a bunch of 100K cars, and all you see are swirls!!


----------



## Sutty 90

... Until you start hiding new purchases from your Mrs and try concealing them amongst your already huge collection in the hope she won't notice them in your man cave!

What delivery?!?

Sutty.


----------



## AllenF

ianrobbo1 said:


> Your not a detailer until you see a bunch of 100K cars, and all you see are swirls!!


Thats about the best analogy yet


----------



## Tsubodai

...been told you are.


----------



## Olly RS

When you tell the other half you will only be an hour or so cleaning the car and you return 6 hours later...


----------



## Cookies

Olly RS said:


> When you tell the other half you will only be an hour or so cleaning the car and you return 6 hours later...


And you're still not finished lol...


----------



## Rob1066

My Councillor said is was OCD when she came outside to my car, no seriously


----------



## VXR_midlands

When someone who doesn't detail tells you they have just had their car cleaned.... And you cringe at the thought of it being cleaned with a gritty sponge ..


----------



## baxlin

No way can I claim to be a Detailer (with a capital D), just someone who hates a dirty car, but a lot of the above apply to me - never being able to find a parking space in an empty car park - several neighbours refer to me as "the car man" - I have to go back outside several times to look at the car after it's been cleaned - two of my neighbours have now ditched their sponges and chamois leathers, and have "discovered" QD, all courtesy of me, etc., etc. So I'm probably half way there.

And the classic "why do you bother with your car, it's only leased..............".

I silenced one who pointed out that the car would only get dirty again, with "why then do you mow your lawn, it'll only grow again?"


----------



## camerashy

Excellent reply baxlin


----------



## Bazza85

Baxlin, that is almost identical to my situation & couldn't have been worded better. 

So +1, what he said


----------



## Guest

Blimey! is this thread still going!

A bloke that cleans his car at the weekend is just that - a bloke that cleans his car at the weekend. That doesn't make him a detailer.

I changed a plug at the weekend. That doesn't make me an electrician.
Fixing my leaking tap doesn't make me a plumber and sawing that bit of wood didn't make me a carpenter.

The only people who are entitled to call themselves those names are those people that do it for a living.


----------



## baxlin

CleanMe said:


> Blimey! is this thread still going!
> 
> A bloke that cleans his car at the weekend is just that - a bloke that cleans his car at the weekend. That doesn't make him a detailer.
> 
> I changed a plug at the weekend. That doesn't make me an electrician.
> Fixing my leaking tap doesn't make me a plumber and sawing that bit of wood didn't make me a carpenter.
> 
> The only people who are entitled to call themselves those names are those people that do it for a living.


I note you are a professional, I agree, and as I posted, I don't claim to be a detailer, but for goodness sake, it's a lighthearted thread, with a lot of members taking the Michael out of themselves.


----------



## cheekymonkey

CleanMe said:


> Blimey! is this thread still going!
> 
> A bloke that cleans his car at the weekend is just that - a bloke that cleans his car at the weekend. That doesn't make him a detailer.
> 
> I changed a plug at the weekend. That doesn't make me an electrician.
> Fixing my leaking tap doesn't make me a plumber and sawing that bit of wood didn't make me a carpenter.
> 
> The only people who are entitled to call themselves those names are those people that do it for a living.


i would disagree just because you do it for a living does not mean you qualify to be called a professional. 
Anyone can play with electrics for a living, does not make them an electrician. Passing qualifications are a big part


----------



## Ross

Everybody still waxing lyrical I see.....


----------



## baxlin

Ross said:


> Everybody still waxing lyrical I see.....


Boom Boom


----------



## Guest

baxlin said:


> I note you are a professional, I agree, and as I posted, I don't claim to be a detailer, but for goodness sake, it's a lighthearted thread, with a lot of members taking the Michael out of themselves.


Whoa there, Neddy! I answered the op's question - nothing more. Maybe it's you who needs to lighten up? 



cheekymonkey said:


> i would disagree just because you do it for a living does not mean you qualify to be called a professional.
> Anyone can play with electrics for a living, does not make them an electrician. Passing qualifications are a big part


Err..I think you'll find that "doing it for a living" is exactly what professional means. Try again pal 
...and what makes you think I don't have qualifications.


----------



## cheekymonkey

Err..I think you'll find that "doing it for a living" is exactly what professional means. Try again pal 
...and what makes you think I don't have qualifications. [/QUOTE]

i never meant you when it comes to qualifications, i meant a pro has qualifications. That is not necessarily someone who does it for a living.:wall:


----------

