# I have issues and don't know what to do.



## T.D.K (Mar 16, 2011)

Over the past few years, I've became extremely self conscious and have what I think are mild panic attacks (feel dizzy and find it hard to breathe) especially at work and sometimes, when driving to work.

I have a condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome, it affects the face, particularly cheek bones, chin etc. Despite many operations as a child, I am still very ugly and I am reminded of this constantly when out and about in town etc. 

This has made me a borderline recluse and apart from work, seeing my mum or sister, I rarely go out and just stay at home and clean the car etc.

I find it very difficult to meet new people as I'm terrified of their reaction to me, especially women, so I've never had a girlfriend.

I find it hard to cope in busy places, I become dizzy and my chest becomes tight.

Another thing I've started to have trouble with is making eye contact, I don't know why but unless I know the person really well, I will do anything to avoid eye contact.

I don't like what I'm becoming and on the very rare low days I have, I feel like ending my life.

What do I do.


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Buddie, you can chat to me on here personally, add me as your friend on here, you can chat to me, I like helping people out.

Mate, your not ugly, your in the same league as everyone else in this world, I'll help you :thumb: I'm even going through a bad patch myself, but if I can help you, at least I am doing something good in life.


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## bigmc (Mar 22, 2010)

You've taken a huge step in posting this thread! You need to talk to someone you can be completely blunt with and tell them how you're feeling. The only other thing I can say is that any person willing to dismiss you because of your outward appearance isn't worth your time or acknowledgement imho. Feel free to PM anything you don't want to say in the open.


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## R7KY D (Feb 16, 2010)

You talk to people ,

I'll be your friend on here and also chat to you I'll even give you my phone number if you want it


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Buddie, I have sent you a befriend request, just got to accept it when it comes, You can PM anytime, and I will offer the best support and time to you from myself, hows that


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## Derekh929 (Aug 28, 2011)

If people judge you on looks and not your personality then forget them i knew a guy that had realy bad accident and had to get half his face reconstructed , people used to stare all the time asking and he became paranoid that people were specking about him even though they may not have bee, i seen him for who he was a great guy that would never pass you in the street and always up for a chat , i remember him saying to me he was pleased that would happened had not changed my view of him i was humbled by how it impacted on his life and have no idea how it would feel if i was in his shoe's , why do you not set up a meet to detail your car and meet some of the like minded guys into tinkering with cars some fantastic helpful guys on here that i would be sure would not judge people on looks but how clean your car is.
I think that would help great deal and may lead to other trips out and about.


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## Hasan1 (Jul 1, 2011)

If you ever need a chat just pm me or if you ever need to talk I can swap numbers with you to chat over the phone.


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Same here Buddie, if you want my number you can always bell me, 24/7 :thumb:, hows that, and i'm being serious :thumb:


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## T.D.K (Mar 16, 2011)

I am particularly worried about tomorrow at work, we are making hot coffee cup lids and I have to work alongside someone who stares at me and is very cold towards me. My normal work mate is back in Saturday but I'm terrified of working along this guy. What if he makes a remark or makes me uncomfortable? I don't know if I can cope with that for 12 hours.

I don't stand up for myself, I'm not aggressive and I would be reluctant to report any issues with the line leader or anyone above him.


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## bigmc (Mar 22, 2010)

Don't worry about work/workmates if they can't be civil to you just get on with your job and don't give them any more than common courtesy. Can you take an ipod in to work to keep you distracted??


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Sounds like Anxiety related, just do your work, end of the day, people in the firm are working all for money, if he steps out of line, there's always a manager or team leader to report to, just get your head down, after work, relax, and don't take the pressure at home; I know it's not easy, and thoughts will be racing; but just try to unwind in the Evenings; have a nice warm bubble bath, and watch your favourite programmes or listen to your favourite music.


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## Derekh929 (Aug 28, 2011)

T.D.K said:


> I am particularly worried about tomorrow at work, we are making hot coffee cup lids and I have to work alongside someone who stares at me and is very cold towards me. My normal work mate is back in Saturday but I'm terrified of working along this guy. What if he makes a remark or makes me uncomfortable? I don't know if I can cope with that for 12 hours.
> 
> I don't stand up for myself, I'm not aggressive and I would be reluctant to report any issues with the line leader or anyone above him.


Try to break the ice by asking about the guy or cracking a Joke i know it's ok for me to say this but it may help, if dosen't work just get on with it and forget about him he is not worthy of your company if he is like that.


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## R7KY D (Feb 16, 2010)

I'd agree with anxiety , And I hope that after you clock off tomorrow you'll think to yourself what was I getting so worried about , Don't worry I used to work with people I did'nt like working but just be civil for work purposes with them just for the 10 hours i'm at work , With the awkward people i've known I used to tell myself , Thank god I don't have to go home with them !!

You will be fine , You'll have a lot of people standing behind you (us lot) and I hope the strength of that will get you through what you feel may be a difficult day :thumb:


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## greenwagon (Dec 31, 2008)

If you tell the person that ' stares ' at you what your condition is he /she will have an understanding about it and will help them too 

No such thing as ugly it's what's inside and a good heart that matters 
Sounds like your suffering from stress by the tightness of the chest and breathing difficulties which might get worse 
A doctor who will listen can gave you guidance on stress management which unless treated can get worse 

It's good that you don't go out pubs and clubs but there is plenty social clubs to go to whether it's a sports club ,rambling ,church group ,bellringing or even slot racing or making modles club so many different clubs and socities and give you a tip 

Lots of women go to them as well who want to spend time with a interesting person rather then a tradional party animal ,pub man  

Get some photos of your car up .


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## dcj (Apr 17, 2009)

T.D.K said:


> I am particularly worried about tomorrow at work, we are making hot coffee cup lids and I have to work alongside someone who stares at me and is very cold towards me. My normal work mate is back in Saturday but I'm terrified of working along this guy. What if he makes a remark or makes me uncomfortable? I don't know if I can cope with that for 12 hours.
> 
> I don't stand up for myself, I'm not aggressive and I would be reluctant to report any issues with the line leader or anyone above him.


Mate,have you thought this guy might be just as nervous about talking to you,he might not be the brightest spark and is probably ignorant to your problems. Making the first move by making a joke to break the ice might be a good idea. You dont have to be aggressive or defensive just try to be self assured and forward with anyone you meet.

Hope this helps,keep your chin up and as for girlfriends,theres someone out there for everyone. Just say goodbye to your money when you meet her.:thumb:


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Right I'm opening up now on here on DW for the first time, this is the field I want to go in to, through the NHS, been reading and studying, and have been suffering from health problems for 13 years.; so what go in to this field through pure pleasure for turning peoples life's around for the good.
I use to sell cars before, had some hard times in 2008 when the motor trade crashed, but that was a long story, but I have found my career now.

Tom, it does sound like, Anxiety and confidence to me, It might be a good idea, when you feel uncomfortable, to write stuff down about the situation and how will you deal with it in the future, it;s hard as our human's thinking is very fast, and when in anxiety mode, it's hard to concentrate and think and function properly; you will get confused.

what I will say is, take one step at a time; you've done this on here already today, so well done from me and the others on here to take this positive step :thumb:


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## PugIain (Jun 28, 2006)

Chin up mate :thumb: you can always come on here for a laugh and a cheer up.
As for the guy at work,try and chat to him (even if you just start by saying "alright mate" !).He might be abit offish towards you if he thinks for some reason you are to him.Some people are like that.
I worked in a job for a year when I got made redundant and no body talked to me much so I used to try and have a chit chat to them every now and again just to break the ice.
Some were decent blokes,some werent!
I agree though a 12 hour shift is a long time if youve nobody to talk to!


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## T.D.K (Mar 16, 2011)

Well, I've always know the people on this forum are a great bunch but the replies, friend requests and private messages I've received really are amazing.

Thanks ever so much guys, you have all made me feel so much better.

Had a update from someone at work, hot lids production has been delayed for a bit so I will be working on my own tomorrow, so no potential awkwardness with this guy.

I will try to talk to him on breaks though, maybe in my mind, I've made him a monster and he could be a nice guy.


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## PugIain (Jun 28, 2006)

T.D.K said:


> Thanks ever so much guys, you have all made me feel so much better.


Good lad,keep it up :thumb:


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## alan_mcc (Oct 28, 2008)

You've got thousands of friends on here mate - keep your head up.


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## Strothow (Oct 29, 2009)

alan_mcc said:


> You've got thousands of friends on here mate - keep your head up.


:thumb:


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## PugIain (Jun 28, 2006)

T.D.K said:


> I've never had a girlfriend.


Oh yeah and dont worry about this one.Im a skinny 6'1" ginger idiot who likes french barges and Ive managed it.
Bit of confidence and abit of cheek is all it takes:thumb:
I spent about 2 years taking the pee out of my mrs at work before we got together,apparently though I was on the edge of going too far lol.
And I had to shave my goatee off.Weve been together over 8 years now.Why,Im not sure


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## gordonpuk (Mar 14, 2010)

Have you thought about going to a local DW meet up, you know you'd be amongst friends
who would treat you for the person you are. There would be no reason to be self conscience around the people from here.


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## BrummyPete (Jun 10, 2010)

If people don't like you then sod them mate, they are not worth knowing in the first place, there are plenty of people here that do want to be your friend  As already suggested going to a DW meet is a very good start to building your confidence up and who knows what may happen next.............

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2


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## con fox (Oct 30, 2008)

i would like to thank the opener of this thread. Going through some issues myself too, I'm sure the same as many of us are.
And when you read the replies on this thread, it is fair to say, this really is very solid and sound forum, with great members.
All willing to lend a hand in support of other members.
I certainly feel better and it is all thanks to the man that opened this thread.
What ever you do, dont even think of the end game.
I do hope that tomorrow goes ok for you and make a real effort to get out there over the weekend, tough to do sometimes, I know. But worth it.


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## Arkle (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear of your plight.

To cure your panic attacks you should read the books (also available on CD) by Dr Claire Weeks.

After four, serious, life hammer-blows, I started having panic attacks and was a broken man. The condition lasted many years until I found the works of the Dr Claire Weekes. LINK.

The books are like having someone hold your hand, and guide you to recovery. My wife (the only person who truly knows how deep my suffering was) can't believe I got better.

Read the books and watch the video and I promise you, you will recover.

LINK to site to purchase books, CD's, DVD's etc.

Good Luck.


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

Can't add much to what's been said. Keep strong and you've made a big first step if you've decided you want things to change and you don't want to be so low anymore.

What's important now is realising how much good stuff is out there, and how much character you've got (lots by the sound of it!) and stepping towards that. Do something you enjoy this weekend for 1  :thumb:


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## shonajoy (Jan 27, 2009)

First off let me say I've had therapy twice for anxiety related panic and it really helps. Cognitive behavioural therapy. Now obviously it's not going to help with ignorant people's reactions, but it does help with how you manage coping strategies. I think it shows amazing strength that you're able to work and carry on during such periods of feeling like this, there have been quite a few documentaries on treacher Collins recently so you'd think people would be more aware, it kills me you have to put up with this.

Id see your doctor if you can, and ask about some coping strategies, you're already doing amazingly well by talking about your feelings and I really think it would help you confidence wise. I ended up also being put on a very very low dose of diazepam 2mgs for when I became very panicky, short term, and that also really helped me not to worry too much as I was working through the therapy.

There IS such a thing as ugly, indeed, but ONLY on the inside, and why should your life be limited because of what others think? I think you're very brave and motivated and admire you greatly.


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## ITHAQVA (Feb 20, 2011)

T.D.K

We are all here for you mate, A chat is just a PM away & my phone number is yours just ask :thumb:

Ugly WTF! Mate, it truly is the person inside that makes one beautiful, stand-up be proud of *who you are *- people who are good inside are the real beautiful people in this world :thumb: Never forget that.

What you look like is not important to the ones who genuinely care about you :thumb:

Doug


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## AaronGTi (Nov 2, 2010)

Chin up dude :thumb:
IMO might sound daft but UGLY is a drugged up junkie with no teeth, that ain't you mate.

All the best pal x


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## The Cueball (Feb 8, 2007)

Ugly!?!? Ugly!?!?!? have you seen me buddy???? :lol: i get women all the time 

there are steps you can take, and exercises you can do, look at some self help books, something like Paul McKenna with his CDs... he does one for confidence...it's very good...

women prefer an interesting gentleman, rather than a pretty boy mug - well the women that are worth anything....

as for other guys, tell em to f**k off.... if they ask about a few scars, you got them fighting off a group of tigers that attacked a female beach volleyball team...you won and they should see the state of the tigers.... and the girls when you were finished with them too 

you have loads of mates on here, and loads of people that have been through something similar..... we are all here to help each other....

:thumb:


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## Hercs74 (Dec 29, 2011)

I couldn't agree more with what has been said...!!!

Everyone has had there fair share of plight no doubt.. And each person is an individual and situations affect people in different ways.. 

I've had my fair share of blows in my life.. Just like everyone.. My work puts me in situations which I have to deal with, with no choice, and on rare occasions things get on top and u may see a grown man cry (me)... 

The world we live in is a very ignorant place.. Some people judge u on face value, what they see, not for who u are... 

It's easy for us all to make positive comments but we are not u facing your situation... 

You do however live and breath, and have a job and no doubt skills... 

You should be proud of yourself for getting this far and taking the step to share your plight...

Although we sometime get worried about what others feel or think, who is it that controls your life... Is it Miss Miggins up the road.. NO.. It is u..!! 

You hold the key which unlocks the doors of life, so for those that take u at face value, treat them with the contempt they deserve...!!!

Like you have said people not know how to treat u, because they don't know u...!!! Break the ice say hi, crack a joke, or even just turn around and say to them ... " Look this is me.. This is the situation and this is why..!!! " clear the air.. You will earn respect and peoples attitude towards u will change..

You do what makes u feel comfortable... It's difficult cos your barriers will be up being defensive.. It's all human nature... Once people get to know you for who your are, things will improve..

You will make many friends on DW and I'm sure everyone will support u and advise u as best as they can...

You take care head up be strong be proud.. And stick me on your PM list





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## johanr77 (Aug 4, 2011)

I'm not a handsome punter by any means but I'm pretty confident which can help (particularly with the ladies, my wife is quite a bonny lass) seems to me like you need to build up your confidence and others things will follow. It may seem hard to believe but I was quite a shy guy in my teens but I joined a few sports clubs made some pals and I found in time I was more able to interact with folk without being apprehensive about it. Took me 3 months to chat up my first girlfriend and with hindsight I wish I hadn't she was stark raving nuts but that's another story after 7 pints and a jagerbomb or two.

It may seem like people are pre judging you but other people may be a bit shy too and not good at approaching others as well. As for anyone making smart remarks yeah they do sting but ultimately the kind of gormless halfwits that behave that way don't know you like those close to you do and if they did they wouldn't behave that way. :thumb:


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## Zein Shehab (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi, let me assure you that writing this thread takes a lot of bravery. That shows that you have loads of confidence and bravery, just channel it at more being confrontational thus standing up for yourself.
No one is perfect by far. What we remember of people are their acts and personality, looks fade. I'd rather have a solid humane side than a fake messed up twisted personality.
Chin up. You're alive ,working,and enjoying a detailing hobby.


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## sfstu (Aug 3, 2010)

lotta positive good advice so far in this thread so not gonna try and add to it but just wanted to say well done mate for expressing and sharing your feelings...not an easy thing to do...:thumb:
all the best to you,
rgds stu


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## Dixondmn (Oct 12, 2007)

I've been down the anxiety road myself and its horrible, but there are ways to work through it, i dont think it ever goes away, but surrounding yourself with good people (like us lot!) is a good start
as for the other stuff like appearance and confidence, i'm reminded of a saying i once heard.

"Some of us are apples, some of us are Oranges, but underneath we're all fruit!"

Sent a friend request, i'd be glad of another.... up to you.
Keep talking to us!


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## Natalie (Jan 19, 2011)

I can't really add to anything that's already been said but I like this quote.
Thos that matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter.

This one's good too though 



Dixondmn said:


> "Some of us are apple, some of us are Oranges, but underneath we're all fruit!"


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## T.D.K (Mar 16, 2011)

I'm still speechless from all the incredible replies from everyone. Thank you all so much.

I've thanked everyones replies, apologies if I haven't responded to your post, busy weekend with work.

Work went well today, I worked on my own. This guy I was worried about working with, turned out to actually be a nice guy, had a good chat on our breaks. 

Not sure how I made him a monster, I guess that's the low self confidence making me delusional.


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## bigmc (Mar 22, 2010)

Hope your good day today has lightened your mood a bit Tom.


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## Derekh929 (Aug 28, 2011)

T.D.K said:


> I'm still speechless from all the incredible replies from everyone. Thank you all so much.
> 
> I've thanked everyones replies, apologies if I haven't responded to your post, busy weekend with work.
> 
> ...


Great news and i'm glad it went well today for you and hope it is onward and upward for you in the future


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## Natalie (Jan 19, 2011)

T.D.K said:


> I'm still speechless from all the incredible replies from everyone. Thank you all so much.
> 
> I've thanked everyones replies, apologies if I haven't responded to your post, busy weekend with work.
> 
> ...


That's great stuff, having low confidence is a pita  hopefully this'll help in the future as well


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

How was your day today, thought I would ask, sorry to post on here direct, we can chat my friend


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Hi, I have just read the thread, my mistake on here, apologises from myself.

That's one positive major step today, making the move and chatting to the work colleague, one step at a time, be very proud for the achievement today, if you lived closer to me, I would of taken you out for a drink for today, a step in the right direction, well done buddie


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## McClane (Dec 9, 2010)

T.D.K said:


> I'm still speechless from all the incredible replies from everyone. Thank you all so much.
> 
> I've thanked everyones replies, apologies if I haven't responded to your post, busy weekend with work.
> 
> ...


Nice one mate, glad it went well. It's amazing how it is often the simple things we build up. To my mind, that last part (*bold)* is just being human mate. I'm pretty sure we're all like it at some time.


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## R7KY D (Feb 16, 2010)

T.D.K said:


> Work went well today, I worked on my own. This guy I was worried about working with, turned out to actually be a nice guy, had a good chat on our breaks.


 :thumb:


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## Andyb0127 (Jan 16, 2011)

Looks don't matter as said its what's inside a person that means more.

I think we've all had our fair share of problems. Myself included as a youngster (jeez I've just made myself sound old) I had an overactive thyroid, which made meant I found it hard to put weight on and was skinnier than a rake, and looked like I had an eating disorder. I became very self concious had very low self esteem got picked on at school for it. Anyway at fifteen I went into hospital to have Some thyroid gland removed, which would slow my mentabolism down in turn I would be able to actually put some weight on, which I slowly did. I had always enjoyed sports when some one said why don't you go to the gym and do some weights which would help with the weight. No way I was to scared to walk into a gym so kept putting it off. Took me years to pluck up the courage to make that first step, I eventually started at a leisure centre yes it was very hard and I was nervous, I would always wear baggy sports bottoms and a sweatshirt to hide how skinny I was. I slowly started to put weight on, when one of my real friends who trained at a different gym, asked if I wanted to train with him, I was apprehensive as id heard all the rumours it was full of meat heads on steroids, but as he said try it if you dont like don't go back. He was right so I went with him, when I walked in with him I couldn't believe the size of these guys I must of looked like a bean pole to them, but I did go back after a few weeks I slowly got to know these bodybuilders turns out they were great guys a d really helpfull, I don't do drugs but what surprised me is that they never once tried to sell or talk me into trying any, one even made a meal plan for me to help put weight on, it worked I was putting more weight on, that was twenty years ago why I didn't start the gym sooner I don't know. Im still training now twenty years later and now weigh just over fourteen stone which I have achieved naturally.

To those that put you down, ignore them you are your own person. Your not ugly mate there's no such thing. You are who you are people should accept you for that real friends will always be there. Don't become a recluse fella if you lived closer mate I'd have no problems in meeting you to be a friend to you. Sadly it's in towie country so everyone looks orange but it's a laugh watching them.
Keep that chin up fella. Add me as a friend I've sent a friend request, if you wana chat pm me I'm here. As for dw you will find so many friends on here one of the best forums for help from other members.


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