# Feeling down and can't get back up



## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

Evening all.
What do you do when you get this feeling.
Really struggling at the minute, with everything expect work.
Kids, home life, money (life's stresses) are ruining me at the minute and I can't find a balance and I'm just getting lower
Life shouldn't be bad and I know there will be so many people worse off but I don't work out what's going off.
Ive got to get this off my chest andbtbhx the first place I though was here.

Any thoughts


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## MDC250 (Jan 4, 2014)

Good to get things off your chest mate but if things are bad then really best to speak with your GP first and seek professional input. Everybody who replies will be well intentioned but not really able to fully help you. That's not meant to come across as uncaring!


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## Kerr (Mar 27, 2012)

I'm sure at this time of year a lot of people struggle a bit more. 

The pressure of Christmas really gets to people. So much pressure and so much expense for one day. It's just a commercial exercise now. 

Dark nights never help moods either.


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## Fentum (May 1, 2017)

possul,

I'm sorry you are feeling low. I can get like this sometimes, normally when I'm worried about something or someone. It leads to poor sleep and that makes things worse.

Can you get away for a couple of hours and go for a long solitary walk? Maybe it's just me but I find it blows the cobwebs away and also forces me to focus on what's eating me - a mental balance sheet exercise - nothing much else to do on a walk, after all. I'll normally contrive the walk in such a way that a big bacon butty and mug of warm tea is found at some point. It can often be simple things that brings the smile back.

I find that a long solitary drive can also help - get the endorphins going with a bit of B road hooning? Especially early morning (5-6 am). 

Both work for me.

Peter


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## PugIain (Jun 28, 2006)

I've struggled with stuff for a long time.

Even something I'm meant to enjoy like washing the car is a chore. In fact I haven't washed it in at least a month, if not more, because I can't summon the enthusiasm.

It's easier to sit in front of my pc and waste the day. Couldn't even find the interest to spend money on the black Friday deals on here!

Whereas at work I'm the opposite. Organised, motivated.

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk


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## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

I'm phoning the GP first thing in the morning.

Walk, going to do this, somewhere new just me and the dog. It's definitely work a go

I love mountain biking but just simply cba with it at the minute.

I feel like I get no time to myself but then when I do I don't do anything anyway even though I know I should and can quite easily
Kids are really testing me
Trying to find something my 6 year old lad can knuckle down with outside of school (he's not a confident boy) but after seven weeks of karate he tells me it's just to much hard work and he only does it because I wanted him to

Dark nights and three shift pattern is a recipe for disaster really but i can't get away from the shifts sadly

I'm developing a very short fuse at home which showed itself infront of the kids tonight. Not my proudest moment and hence the post tonight. Can't do that again


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## Cookies (Dec 10, 2008)

Possul

So sorry to read that you're feeling that way. It's definitely the right thing to share how you're feeling, whether it's with family, a good friend. Sometimes it can be simple things that make the biggest difference. Find a small amount of time for yourself, and get out for a good walk - even 20 minutes in the winter rain is a great way to clear your mind. If there are things worrying you, write them down. Sometimes when you actually see it written down, you can appreciate which things you really don't need to worry about. 

Also, go and have a chat with your doc, chum. They can offer a multitude of support services that can be worth their weight in gold. 

Good luck chum. I hope you're feeling well again soon. 

Cooks


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## BrummyPete (Jun 10, 2010)

Sorry to hear your feeling like this mate, think we all have times where we struggle, seeing a doctor is a step in the right direction and hopefully you find a way of getting back to your normal self 

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## Fentum (May 1, 2017)

possul said:


> I'm phoning the GP first thing in the morning.
> 
> Walk, going to do this, somewhere new just me and the dog. It's definitely work a go
> 
> ...


possul,

I can't help with the work and the doctor is a good call.

But I can sympathise re kids. They really know what buttons to press and when!

None of the below is meant as criticism in any way (except possibly of me) but is drawn from my own experience as a father of a boy.

FWIW, my son went through a similar phase at a similar age. I learnt late that my son would find his own way to things and to confidence, and the best I could do was be there for him. I also found that trying to direct him to things was counter-productive. He will learn more by sorting things out himself (unless obvs something is going seriously wrong). But Kids grow up at different rates and it's not always linear IYSIM. Boys often do so slowly.

My son's now 19, socially good and perfectly well-adjusted, doing well at university, living in his own flat without setting fire to it or himself etc. Needless to say, we had the usual teen ups and downs but got there in the end.

So perhaps don't stress yourself (and him)? There is a school of thought that says we make children do too much and keep them too occupied and don't let them just be enough.

Do you talk to him? I mean have real conversations, one on one? If you don't, you might find it useful to take him on one of those walks (or for a meal - Ronald McD is your friend!)) and really say very little but listen and let him open up about school, life etc. Helping him confront his fears and preoccupations might help build his confidence and take some weight off your shoulders, too. Many boys want their father's help and advice and don't quite know to ask for it, or how.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

It's a tough job being a parent (and there's no manual, as they say).

Best wishes

Peter


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## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

I'm beginning to think that Peter in regard to his pace.
I like to think we do chat as we do do activities just me and him which includes some down time.
The reason I wanted him to do something is because he doesn't do anything specific or have a subject he really likes or focuses on, some kids his age have been doing things for the past year but now I'm realising he needs / wants to do his own thing and I need to adjust myself!


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## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

Thanks all.
Big help actually just having a read of your comments cheers chaps


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## weedougall78 (Nov 4, 2017)

Good luck dude, asking for help is a great start, I was surprised at just how much help is available that people don't know about.

All the best.

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## Cookies (Dec 10, 2008)

Possul 

Just to echo what Peter has said above, I totally agree that kids have the knack of being able to press the wrong button at the wrong time. My son is 11, currently going through the AQE assessment process (we live in NI) to see whether he heads to grammar school next year. That has definitely caused some stress in our wee bubble. And tensions do rise at times, and how you deal with that can vary completely from day to day, even minute to minute. I suppose it's just all part of being a parent, chum. 

Have a chat with your son and see what he thinks he would like to do. Maybe even sit down and Google various things so he can see what it looks like. My son decided to give hip-hop dancing a go 4 years back, and absolutely flippin loves it. He comes home and tries to teach me. I won't tell you how that goes. Suffice to say I have all the grace and agility of a Hippo. 

Anyhoo, keep doing what you're doing. You've started down the right track by having a chat on here. 

Good luck, chum.

Niall


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## Naddy37 (Oct 27, 2005)

Sorry you’re feeling like this. Most people at somepoint hit a low point, many don’t admit it, and just try to plod on.

You’ve made the first step in realising something isn’t quite right, and it’s a good call in seeing your GP who will be able to help.

Even coming on here and talking helps. This place is full of great people who are always willing to listen, offer advice, and to say they’ve suffered as well. 

The one thing I’ve noticed on here, no-one ever judges, no matter what the problem/issue is you’re suffering/trying to deal with is!

Hope it goes okay with the GP.


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## muzzer (Feb 13, 2011)

It's called depression Possul and whilst you might not think you have anything to be depressed about, it is becoming a much much more widespread condition than people would like to admit. Everyone will suffer with a form of depression to an extent in their lives, how much it affects them is down to several factors but in my case, my illness causes a degree of depression and then becoming an orphan 5 days before i got married added to it, then my wife was the victim of bullying at work and i changed my job to a stressful job all about the same time.
Yes i get days when i don't want to get out of bed but i do, yes things that i started with great enthusiasm become chores, yes i get snappy with those who are closest to me and finally...yes, i stop talking to people and bottle things up but you know what.....


...it will get better and as many have said, see your GP for help if you want to, talk to your wife and explain that you are heading down a path you don't want to but can't help it and you know you need help. For me, i found reading a great help but believe it or not, meditation was a massive help for me. I don't mean the whole ohmm thing, just sitting down, closing my eyes, and listening to my breathing for just 5 minutes a day was very beneficial, i started searching out relaxing music on youtube to help with it but the main things that helped was getting it out in the open and saying...you know what, i have depression( and i do, approaching severe clinical depression ) and i don't know what to do or how to do what i need to.

Ultimately only you can start the process Possul but if you start the process, things will get better given time


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## WHIZZER (Oct 25, 2005)

Chin up Buddy - I think Professional help is a good way forward and good to see you are going to take steps to do this

Try to focus on the Good things in life - Family etc rather than worry about the stresses


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## Rayaan (Jun 1, 2014)

Possibly depression but remember that there's a few key features that we go on to diagnose "proper" depression as such. These are:

Timeframe - More than 2 weeks of this feeling
Low mood, loss of pleasure in activities previously enjoyed (anhedonia) and fatigue/low energy

Other associated symptoms - difficulty getting to sleep, or waking up earlier than anticipated, feelings of guilt, low self confidence, poor appetite or increased appetite.

HAD score is a tool we can use. Hospital Anxiety and Depression Score (although not only used in the hospital so its an odd name). You can google this and see if its applicable. 

You would probably fit into the Mild depression criteria from what you've said alone. Chances are they won't give you Fluoxetine/Citalopram as its not indicated but will offer Psychosocial support, CBT and group activity programmes.

One thing I can say for certain is you've got the insight - some people don't, they linger on for ages thinking it'll get better on its own, instead gets worse and they find themselves in an even darker place.


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## Fruitcake (May 9, 2011)

Hi mate, it's great that you're speaking to your GP about how you're feeling as they'll be able to give some great support. It sounds like you're really on the ball and want to feel better, it's just going to be a case of finding the right combination to make that happen.

I just wanted to ask if you'd considered if you might be suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? I have it, and often think almost all of us are affected in some way or another by the reduction of daylight hours and quality bright light during the winter. I have 2 light boxes and a dawn simulator alarm clock now, and each winter I get myself into a routine with those and providing that routine isn't massively disturbed (or at least not for more than a day or 2) I can get through the winter pretty well  without my lights I would be trying to hibernate and very, very unhappy by now!

I just thought I'd mention it in case it seems plausible.

Best wishes for a swift improvement in your mood, look after yourself.


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## Andyblue (Jun 20, 2017)

Well can only repeat what others have said and you said you were going I do - speak to your GP or someone in the know, it's an old saying, and sometimes sounds a bit corny, but it really is "good to talk" 

Hope things improve for you


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## Ultra (Feb 25, 2006)

possul said:


> Thanks all.
> Big help actually just having a read of your comments cheers chaps


You can get back up, you have already taken the first step, keep a positive mind and you'll get there it may take a while but you will, if anything you'll find out who your true friends are.


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## suspal (Dec 29, 2011)

Hi possul, I had the "c" thing and soon after went into deep depression and was close to committing suicide,I went to my GP who did the test Rayann mentioned and I scored 27/30 and that was scary.
The GP was very concerned and called the other doctor who happens to be a close family friend who I was avoiding hence seeing his colleague,I was a little pee'ed off that she called him at the time as I now realise that I was days away from being sectioned.
It was a time when who I thought and considered a close friend showed their real colours and I did get sent to hospital,I was very unhappy with everything and everyone.
Anyway spent 18 days in the psychiatric unit where i was diagnosed with clinical depression,I shall not go into the in's and outs as I still find it difficult to talk about it but a mate on this post was a real friend they know who they are :thumb:
I was in the same position as you are snappy and withdrawn lost my appetite and was having suicidal thoughts 24/7,I had no get up and go and because I was withdrawn wasn't communicating with my nearest and dearest,so you can imagine my situation.
I was suffering from constant chronic pain which I was left with after operations and chemo and was on heavy painkillers and other medicines so wasn't on a good place.
I was under treatment from the clinic and was talking to psychiatrist's and was put on anti-depressants which I'm still on to this day.
Anyway I'm far from well physically or mentally but I found strength in my family especially my wife who I'd blocked out,which I was told was my defence mechanism,also baby detailer my daughter  became my best mate we did lots of different things,she knew daddy wasn't well wasn't mobile and was sad,she used to cuddle to me and used to read watch telly and watch youtube video's which at times made me feel angry as I'm not able to detail I was told to not blame myself by the psychiatrist not to build my hopes up too high that wasn't achievable and to only set small goals,at the time I never thought about how difficult I'd been towards my family and what I'd put them through and i felt guilty which you guessed it took me to a low place again.
Anyway I started to feel a little better last June,I decided to come back to the forum and guess what saw a post about waxstock,told baby detailer and we both got excited as she's made so many friends there and I was looking forward to seeing old friends,and I had a great couple days and the Sunday was baby detailers day we had fun she made me laugh eating that hot dog lol.
Bought a new flex machine sadly still in it's box,I miss the detailing although get myself in the doghouse for ordering gear I'm not about to use any dat soon,did get down when I couldn't get anyone to help us do the winter prep on my car,latter I got offers to help but those folks were to far away.
I snapped out of it when I was talking to my wife got it of my chest and that made me feel better and it did for her too,It was as if she was getting her husband back:thumb:
I started going back to lodge,and realised that I did have more friends who cared but didn't know how to help fearing they'd be treading on egg shells,that installed my faith in humanity once again.
I've been given relaxation exercises and I don't over exert my self as i don't want to get deconditioned therefore I'm taking small steady steps ,and looking forward to Christmas,Take each day as it comes mate don't make promises you can't keep as letting loved one's down knocks you down too,I was reminded bu the qwack and now use this and feel better as i'm not letting my loved ones down.
I'm now a rattle can with drugs :wall: but at least I'm still here for my family and for myself,I have friends on here who have also gone through mental health problems themselves and I was so surprised when they PM'd me awesome friends as I thought they were strong people and they still are.:thumb:

Mate find the good in everything and god sakes talk,there's no room for embarrassment,we blokes are to blame for building things up and not getting it of our chest,you watch when you get thing of your chest you'll feel a huge weight lift of your chest you'll understand why I've said chest and not shoulders.
I wish you a steady recovery and all the best and if you feel the need to talk I don't mind talking.:thumb:

P.S Sorry for waffling on I'm on drugs.


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## Trip tdi (Sep 3, 2008)

Possul if any time you need to speak to anyone message me directly, more than happy to make time for you I can help you to have more confidence to battle this, its not a battle but a more lifes learning curve next time you will be more better prepared and pick up signs earlier and have the tools to fight it straight on, its all in the mind its a very powerful ultra sensitive system, don't worry everyone in life life gets to these points even the rich and famous.

Message me when you are free, and I will not judge you.


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## Big Bri (Nov 20, 2010)

Christmas is a bad time for many.Brings more than the usual feelings out.Worse if your vulnerable and already low .Ther is a tendency to dwell on all things large and small.Seems like every tune on the Radio or advert on tele take on another meaning somehow.Money,work,health,News and family pressures can overwhelm anyone this time of year. Speaking with someone outside your normal circle of friends can help alot.
I used to go for a good half hour Massage at a local Hospice.Chat with the fella thats giving me a massage,fall asleep,wake up feeling much better.Clears the head and helps get you in a frame of mind to attack the monkeys on your back.Get some ME time.Aroma therapy also is pritty good stuff.I think it was called Raki someone i know had. Pritty much helped turn them around,just a small piece in her puzzle thats called life.One step at a time you will get back on the road with some help from as many as you can.Take help if its offered from anyone and everyone,its no biggi,try it and see.
Depression isnt rare,its rife .Dealing with it as you are starting to is the best road to Good Times.
One day at a time fella.

BB


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## possul (Nov 14, 2008)

so, ive been to see my GP (i put it off due to sorting Xmas out, wrong move)

anxiety and depression is what hes come up with, anxiety being worse
ive got a prescription for anti depressants however ive said id have a chat with the other half first.
id have to be on them for at least six months and my worry is that i dont get things sorted, dont get back to how i was then all its done is mask what ever is wrong and il be back to square one
whilst my other half is very supportive and i think now knows whats cracking off, she cant actually solve the issues, just support me at home, with the kids, home life etc.

ive refereed myself for counselling but apparently there is roughly a three month waiting period, ive not heard anything back so hopefully sooner, the doctor says im well within the scale to have them.

@suspal - i take it what you have been through you take something? any side affects?

thanks again all


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## Fentum (May 1, 2017)

possul, 

Happy New Year to you. 

Well, you've taken another big step. Only you, with the advice of your doctor and family, can decide whether to medicate or not. But you have a lot of people rooting for you.

FWIW, I do know people who have taken anti-depressants for short periods (less than a year) and have come off them feeling much better and I have known those who simply do not get on with them physically or mentally (and who came off them PDQ). I suspect you won't know which category you would fall into unless you try. 

If it concerns you, most anti-depressants are not addictive in the way painkillers are. So, as you say, the worst is that you would be back to square one, which is a better set of odds than for those on opiates, for example. 

Counselling can work very well, too, but it is worth noting that there is normally nothing mutually exclusive about taking medication and counselling. 

One of my friends who suffers from anxiety has found the MIND resources (online CBT etc) really useful.

Others here, probably better qualified than me to help, have offered private words if you feel they would help and I, too, would be happy to offer support if you'd like to PM me. I have absolutely no expertise in this area but I have supported friends who have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past.

Best wishes

Peter


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## ollienoclue (Jan 30, 2017)

I never intended to talk about this stuff on this particular forum but I've nothing to hide and it might help someone so here goes. I've suffered the same for approx the last 10 years at least. It sucks up your ****ing life.

I don't know what medication you have been given but the small print of side effects will be about 2 A5 pages. You won't get all of them. I could not really sleep and the entire world was 'grey' when I was on them, could not feel good or bad or meaningful about literally anything if I am honest.

If you notice anything really unpleasant then see the GP and they can soon prescribe something else. Some people find the medication makes them even worse, the worst of it was night sweats for me. That and my body odour changed.

It might be worth speaking to the GP again anyway, I don't know your present circumstances but if you really can't sleep _a few_ (they won't prescribe more as they are habit forming) sleeping pills might really help you out. They work well.

Being unemployed and feeling completely feckless at the moment I can assure you are not alone and this kind of issue is very very common.

You can get counselling far far faster but you will need to pay, most of them are £30-60 an hour. Ask at the surgery for a private counsellor, you get the choice of a male or female.

EDIT

Thinking about it, I reckon depression and/or anxiety has had the majority of my life since about 2004 when I left uni and couldn't get a job. I worked about 4 years solid doing truly **** minimum wage work for my father whilst living with my parents, enough to drive anyone into misery. X2 relationship breakups and it's a wonder I'm still sucking in air if we are being honest.

In my view, there are three options:

1. Medication

2. Grind through it- I find running is the best remedy for me but it does not cure everything 100% if you get what I mean

3. Change your life so radically you don't know which way is up


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