# Mental Health issues



## JenJen

I was just wondering peoples thought on this matter as its a bit of a grey area. 

Discuss


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## mx_rab

Depends on what issues within that category you mean?


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## JenJen

Any really I suppose it covers a wide range of disorders


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## 335dAND110XS

I'd say an awful lot more people have some sort of disorder than is realised. By that I mean I wouldn't be surprised if at least half the population has something from extremely minor OCD (ahem - detailers anyone?!) and low level ADD to full scale bi-polar, schizophrenia, etc. I know several people with diagnosed issues that you'd never "suspect."


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## Leemack

I was diagnosed with depression when my dad died and was put on some heavy knock out drugs by the Quack. I had to be referred to the mental health nurse who prescribed stuff for me.

Depression is one of the most common and doesn't take a lot to happen to you for it to kick in badly so it's best to get it quickly in that case


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## Nanoman

Apparently 1 in 4 will be troubled by it at some stage in their lifetime. If you ask me it's probably more like 9/10.

Talking about it will often help however professional help is often required. There's such a variety of issues out there.


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## 335dAND110XS

Showshine said:


> I was diagnosed with depression when my dad died and was put on some heavy knock out drugs by the Quack. I had to be referred to the mental health nurse who prescribed stuff for me.
> 
> Depression is one of the most common and doesn't take a lot to happen to you for it to kick in badly so it's best to get it quickly in that case


We lost a baby at 37.5 weeks and fought incredibly hard to try and avoid depression. In the end we both got through it but it took a huge amount of mental "work" and made up psychology (we found the help groups weren't actually all that helpful at all) to avoid what we considered "the abyss."

Had an uncle top himself through depression and my Mum suffered from it when she lost her parents. Not good and very destructive. Hope you're okay now? It's a sneaky bu99er though and can catch you out at any time.


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## Leemack

Cheers mate.

Yeah I thought I was ok but woke up covered in psoriasis (SP) one morning and the doc said it was stress and my body dealt with it by Psoriasis. When that went away I felt like I was hit by a train.

I was angry and getting into trouble as I was in the gym beefcaking and was like a wrecking ball and not pleasant to be around.
I was lazy and all I cared about was my obsession with gaining muscle mass.

My boxing suffered as I got so big I couldn't last 6 rounds.

Once i sorted the problem, I shed the weight and starting fighting again and shook the bloody thing but it doesn't half catch up with you


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## 335dAND110XS

JenJen said:


> Basically I've been dianosed with borderline personailty disoreder. It kinda scares me sadly  so far not many people have been understanding.


Do you need to tell people? Honestly unless it's something really bad, I'd keep it to yourself and close relatives/friends. Sadly loads of minor issues carry a massive stigma but managed correctly, they can often be perfectly accommodated into "normal" life - as long as those close to you are aware and treat you accordingly (e.g if it's ADD, they need to try and realise you need order in your life, not spare of the moment stuff) then most minor stuff can be lived with.

Look at some of the most successful people - many are bi-polar, have ADD/ADHD or all sorts of other issues. Some manage it well and use the positives of their conditions (e.g Aspergers sufferers usually have amazing memories, the obsessive nature of OCD sufferers often mean perfectionism) to do well in life.

Show - I'm with you there. I threw myself into training and while never got "depressed" definitely went a bit obsessive as did my wife who trained like a complete nutter after it happened. We sort of channeled it the right way but it was dangerously close to getting bad.


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## Nanoman

JenJen said:


> Basically I've been dianosed with borderline personailty disoreder. It kinda scares me sadly  so far not many people have been understanding.


Sorry to hear that some people have not been understanding however I don't feel the need to offer my sympathy for your 'disorder'. It's part of what makes you You and from reading your posts on the forums you seem quite a reasonable person. Have they gone into any detail about which disorder it is? 'Personality disorder' covers a lot.

You've got a 'label' to explain some of the things that may have confused you in the past and that's about it. Nothing to be ashsamed of.


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## JenJen

Its not something I'm ashamed of and its some what of a relief to be honest because I know I'm not going mad lol! The whole purpose of asking was just to see peoples views on mental health.


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## ITHAQVA

We humans try to over understand what is going on inside our heads, mental issues are probably all part of normal human life, these days we label everything & over examine things & I think this makes the natural occurring disorders worse & ironically harder to deal with in some respects but not all.
Human contradiction: understanding makes it difficult to understand.

As for depression when you lose a loved one, it’s a healthy/normal side effect of the natural grieving process. When the grieving period becomes extended & the individual is unable to let go & unable to move on is where the problems occur. As the old saying goes, you can’t live with the dead & believe me i have already lost the closest people in my life & fully understand the loss & the feeling of being cheated.
Grief is very personal so when do we decide when it’s the natural grieving process or someone unable to get out of it & becoming long term depressed?

Jen, you’re not mad, your you, everything that makes you for good or bad is YOU, know yourself & live with yourself.
My experience in life is the only person who can help you is YOU. Only you truly knows YOU.
Unfortunately once you go deep into the human psyche you’ll find many a paradox/contradiction & that’s the problem or is that what makes it so interesting/appealing, the unknown? :thumb:


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## Ross

Not surprising with the amount of stress,worry ect everybody has to put up with everyday.


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## ITHAQVA

Ross said:


> Not surprising with the amount of stress,worry ect everybody has to put up with everyday.


Unfortunately that's half the problem, most of it is self-induced & we don't even realise it.


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## ITHAQVA

JenJen said:


> Its not something I'm ashamed of and its some what of a relief to be honest because I know I'm not going mad lol! The whole purpose of asking was just to see peoples views on mental health.


To answer this Jen, I think there is not enough understanding of what is required to support the indivual who is suffereing to allow them to help themselves.


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## Adam D

JenJen said:


> Its not something I'm ashamed of and its some what of a relief to be honest because I know I'm not going mad lol! The whole purpose of asking was just to see peoples views on mental health.


I have suffered from anxiety and depression over the years and also been successfully treated for it.

I can understand the relief you felt about receiving a diagnosis about your condition. Once I had some quite acute psychiactric problems and was struggling with what was going on in my head. Understanding what my problem was and also knowing that other people had similar issues and had worked their way through them was the beginning of the realisation that I was not going mad.

I hope all goes well with your treatment.

As for the animosity you can receive from other people, well unfortunately there is still a lot of prejudice in the world towards mental illness. However, I am sure that it will slowly get better over the years.


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## Kriminal

Adam D said:


> I have suffered from anxiety and depression over the years and also been successfully treated for it.
> 
> I can understand the relief you felt about receiving a diagnosis about your condition. Once I had some quite acute psychiactric problems and was struggling with what was going on in my head. Understanding what my problem was and also knowing that other people had similar issues and had worked their way through them was the beginning of the realisation that I was not going mad.
> 
> I hope all goes well with your treatment.
> 
> *As for the animosity you can receive from other people, well unfortunately there is still a lot of prejudice in the world towards mental illness*. However, I am sure that it will slowly get better over the years.


^ now THAT to me is the saddest grey area of any form of 'mental health'. I guess people will just never understand if they plead ignorance and bury their heads in the stand; or cross over the road; when suddenly a person who they were maybe even close friends with, has been diagnosed with some 'mental issue', whatever it may be.

It's all very old-fashioned when people react differently towards you as soon as you admit to having suffered/be suffering from a mental health issue.

Ignorance may be bliss, but it can lose you the best of friends too. I think it's time the world opened their eyes and stopped being so judgmental upon others, whatever the problem may be.

<steps off soap box>


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## JenJen

I've asked a few of the people I deem to be very close friends just to take five mins to go visit the www.scottishpersonalitydisorder.org website to try understand how I might be if on a bad day, sadly one of the "friends" said no - but said person can still carry on as normal, arranging to go on dates etc but can't find five mins to read this about someone he cared for and loved?! Well that's one less for the christmas card list!!


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## robz

JenJen said:


> I've asked a few of the people I deem to be very close friends just to take five mins to go visit the www.scottishpersonalitydisorder.org website to try understand how I might be if on a bad day, sadly one of the "friends" said no - but said person can still carry on as normal, arranging to go on dates etc but can't find five mins to read this about someone he cared for and loved?! Well that's one less for the christmas card list!!


Clearly not a friend worth having.

Know a bit about this and its not as bad as it may sound, with the help and support, and most importantly, the understanding of those around you, you can get through it and lead a "normal" life.

You know where i am if you want to talk


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## Kriminal

JenJen said:


> I've asked a few of the people I deem to be very close friends just to take five mins to go visit the www.scottishpersonalitydisorder.org website to try understand how I might be if on a bad day, sadly one of the "friends" said no - but said person can still carry on as normal, arranging to go on dates etc but can't find five mins to read this about someone he cared for and loved?! Well that's one less for the christmas card list!!


Then that's a sad, but hard way of how we manage to find out WHO your friends are, and who aren't.

I'm sitting in work, and shouldn't be on here (obviously), but have still managed to take the time to read about Personality Disorder on your link. I will admit - I didn't know EXACTLY what it related to, but can get a better grasp of it now.....does it scare me to know someone with this 'problem' ?....no, why should it?

After all, if you read between the lines on the link you have attached, I believe we ALL have some form of Personality Disorder. Just some people have it on a grander scale than others.

We're all different from each other at the end of the day - it's proven by our genetic blueprints. So why bother pleading ignorance to people with any form of 'condition' ?!

One day, I'll maybe understand them. In the meantime I'll just continue to offer sympathy to them for lacking open-mindedness


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## DampDog

Showshine said:


> I was diagnosed with depression when my dad died and was put on some heavy knock out drugs by the Quack. I had to be referred to the mental health nurse who prescribed stuff for me.
> 
> Depression is one of the most common and doesn't take a lot to happen to you for it to kick in badly so it's best to get it quickly in that case


I lost my dad in may late teens and it hit me very hard. I was in a very dark place for about 18months-2years. Unless you've experienced it it very difficult to put into words that someone will understand. Luckily I had and still have some good friends who sort of went through it with me and saw how it changed me.

It reared it's head again following my heart problems which is actually astonishingly common, but I didn't realise at the time. I suppose I can sort of still feel it within me from time to time. In my case I get "down" when my health plays up. Years back I had "counselling" and medication. The medication was very hard to deal with in the beginning but did help. Not quite so sure about the counselling. But that's just me. I close friend had breast cancer and became very badly depressed and counselling helped her a great deal.

Depression in one form or another is very, very common. Some people deal with it because they have support form friends and family. Some don't have it, or can't accept the help and suffer dreadfully. It doesn't carry quite the same stigma it used to, but you won't find many blokes who admit to being treated for it. I suppose they are afraid of being tagged as malingerer, soft, whatever by those that are ignorant of the illness.

The big problem for the sufferer, is that it alters their perception. Tiny things can feel insurmountable and frightening. Big things can just get ignored. It can have a major effect on you physical health, headaches, nausea, aches, pains are all symptoms. And they are not imagined, they are very real. For me personally with having a dodgy ticker, if I get down or stressed it misses beats, chucks in beats, slows down, feels like tumble dryer in my chest on occasion. None of it imagined.

Young lad worked where I worked last, he was built like the proverbial, brick ****e house. Played Rugby, football, all the usual. Used to kick my ar se at the dartboard at lunchtime cracking player. One Saturday morning his friend called in at work only to find he'd taken his own life in one of the labs at the rear of the factory. Everyone at work was stunned, last person in the world you'd have expected it from. Turns out he's been suffering from depression for years and lost the battle to contain it. The lad who found him was destroyed by finding his mate in that state.

If you think you're suffering from it, or it's getting the better of you go and see your doc. You may or may not feel embarassed depending on how poorly you feel, plus the medication may make you worse to begin with but it will get better.

Brave post by JenJen and others..


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## ITHAQVA

I heartily agree brave post indeed & there are more people who care than you think, this forum has opened my eyes to that. I thought the whole world was full of assholes. It’s not so.


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## Method Man

I always used to think it was for 'inadequates' that was until I lost a baby, wife was sent to prison, problems with work, divorce, custody battle for kids, major problems with the CSA, estrangement from parents. Went from depression very rapidly to cyclothymia and then on to a full scale breakdown which needed hospitalisation.

It's not fun whatsoever and is still 'poo pooed' by far too many people for my liking.

You do get over it (sort of!) eventually.


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## ITHAQVA

Method Man said:


> I always used to think it was for 'inadequates' that was until I lost a baby, wife was sent to prison, problems with work, divorce, custody battle for kids, major problems with the CSA, estrangement from parents. Went from depression very rapidly to cyclothymia and then on to a full scale breakdown which needed hospitalisation.
> 
> It's not fun whatsoever and is still 'poo pooed' by far too many people for my liking.
> 
> You do get over it (sort of!) eventually.


And this sort of thing can happen to any of us, until you really experince a chain of the above happening to you, you dont know how mentally you will react. 
Example: Many of us can after all turn into a killers in no time. Just needs the right amount & type of nudges in the wrong direction.


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## Adam D

JenJen said:


> I've asked a few of the people I deem to be very close friends just to take five mins to go visit the www.scottishpersonalitydisorder.org website to try understand how I might be if on a bad day, sadly one of the "friends" said no - but said person can still carry on as normal, arranging to go on dates etc but can't find five mins to read this about someone he cared for and loved?! Well that's one less for the christmas card list!!


Pffft!

That's rotten in my opinion, but not entirely unexpected unfortunately.

Some people do seem to want to distance themselves from people with mental health problems when all you want really is a bit of their time so they can understand what you are going through and maybe find ways of helping you.

One article I read a while ago mentioned the fact that some celebrities seem to be "coming out" with the mental health problems that they have had or are suffering from is helping the uninformed (I am feeling polite towards such people tonight ) understand that mental health problems are far more common than they think and the sufferers are not "loonies" who need locking up!


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## JenJen

Adam I'm not wanting anyones help just hope they see me for who I am and realise maybe in the past 12months I've not really been myself, either some of my actions or something I've said and that they should expect further positive changes in me over the coming months ahead... I suppose I just need there understanding


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## Adam D

I had a look at the website you mentioned earlier, but I could not really find out much about what people who are suffering from the problem are going through. Maybe I was looking in the wrong place?


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## JenJen

Tbh honest and this will should awful I'm not really online - accessing via my blackberry just now but I have info packs here so no need to look but one that is on the leaflet is www.borderline.co.uk or borderlineuk I can't quite remember


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## Adam D

Okay, thanks for that I will have a look.

During the worst of my problems I found an acronym which helped me out a lot and changed my view about things. Whilst undergoing treatment I would often ask "how am I going to to this?" and someone said to me look at the word "how" and think of it as the words "honesty" "openmindedness" and "willingness". 

I now find these 3 words to be almost a mantra to help myself out of certain situations.


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## PaulN

My mum has/had been suffering from mental illness for over 5 years.

It all stemmed from a Sickness Bug and Kidney Infection which hit her hard and reduced her Sodium and Potassium levels to life threatening lows. Her body did the only thing it could and shut down. (They say she should of died it was that serious)

The problem was although she was only in hospital for a few weeks with the physical issues her body shutting down was similar to turning your PC off without closing it down properly, some of the programmes get messed up.

Anyway 6-8 weeks later things are so bad with her mental state she was sectioned in a mental health ward (my advise if you are given the choice go in on your own, once sectioned you have no control when and how long you stay of course) With treatments and Meds she was finally allowed to leave around 3-4 months later, The actual day of my daughter’s birth, so a double teary day....

Fast forward 5 years, and a few relapses requiring more time in the Mental Health Ward and she is doing much better. She had to go back in last Oct till Jan as they had over the 5 years knocked her Meds to nil and it hit her really hard...

There is a Doctors paper written about her which has been published as she was one of a few people to survive the initial illness and get past the mental health issues.

My mum’s doing great now but there were some dark days, to see your mum painfully thin, scared and no idea who you are is about as close to losing a loved one. There was some people in there far worse with little hope of recovery, all a serious threat to their own and others life’s. My wife wasn’t even allowed to visit while she was pregnant just in case a patient got violent...

The point is Mental Health is no different to any other illness it doesn’t make anyone a lesser person and like the flu or worse anyone get it but it can be controlled.

Nearly didnt post this, but i felt it was too close to home not too......

Cheers

PaulN


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## bigmc

Glad you did post that though Paul, it brings (or should) it home that we all have problems and nothing should be considered as normal because we're all different! 
Jen, we all have a personality disorder it's what makes the human race interesting, I wouldn't worry about what people think of you and if your "friends" have a problem with you being you they're not worthy friends. I've suffered with stress after my little boy was born and certainly found out who was worth being close to.


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## DampDog

PaulN said:


> The point is Mental Health is no different to any other illness it doesn't make anyone a lesser person.


Wise words, it is an illness that can effect anyone. Unfortunately there are lots of ill informed, ignorant people who believe mental health issues are for people who are somehow inadequate, lazy or malingerers. It's actually often the case that the people that are the most 'driven' suffer badly.

Good to hear that your mums doing better, I for one am glad you posted, it just illustrates how this illness can take hold and how severe it can be.

I'm sure there will be some reading this thread that will be sitting thinking what a bunch of losers. But I'm equally sure it will have a resonance with other who may not want to post.


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## ITHAQVA

DampDog said:


> Wise words, it is an illness that can effect anyone. Unfortunately there are lots of ill informed, ignorant people who believe mental health issues are for people who are somehow inadequate, lazy or malingerers. It's actually often the case that the people that are the most 'driven' suffer badly.
> 
> Good to hear that your mums doing better, I for one am glad you posted, it just illustrates how this illness can take hold and how severe it can be.
> 
> I'm sure there will be some reading this thread that will be sitting thinking what a bunch of losers. But I'm equally sure it will have a resonance with other who may not want to post.


Anyone reading this thread thinking losers, has yet to experience the full spectrum life has to offer.

Jen, if any of your friends distance themselves from you, it is them that is at fault & they are not your friends. Disgusting behaviour in my view and I'm not being humble about it, it is wrong end of, as the saying goes, "who needs enemies with friends like that"!
A true friend supports & is there in times of need. :thumb:

I'm lucky I'm already mad, wacky & generally not normal thank F**K for that I say, I like not being like the other people, how boring. 
Hate the word normal because I don't think normality is achievable in human form.

Feel bad about yourself no way, say this to yourself "I LIKE BEING ME!" :thumb:


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## [email protected]

My lady works at a mental health center as a case manager. Most people who suffer go undiagnosed because they just think that's the way life is. The estimation of actual affected is staggering.


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## JenJen

I just hoped maybe this thread might raise the understanding or perhaps help others that think maybe I might have a small problem be brave enough to go maybe I need help, because it doesnt make us lesser of a person...

This is a website ive been looking at, agree its a scottish site but still contains alot of useful information for suffers or carers

http://www.seemescotland.org.uk/findoutmore/aboutmentalhealthproblemsandstigma


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## spursfan

JenJen said:


> I've asked a few of the people I deem to be very close friends just to take five mins to go visit the www.scottishpersonalitydisorder.org website to try understand how I might be if on a bad day, sadly one of the "friends" said no - but said person can still carry on as normal, arranging to go on dates etc but can't find five mins to read this about someone he cared for and loved?! Well that's one less for the christmas card list!!


Jen, tried the website and some links are not working.
It is interesting though as my mum in law seems to be suffering from depression at the moment.
He r hubby dies last year and she had to sell up and move closer to us into a retirement complex, problem is that she does not like to mix with other people and she has been diagnosed with depression before, looks like it may be back.
Not sure what i should do about it but will speak to my wife and her brother first before making decisions on what to do.
Thanks for the subject Jen, i hope you are Ok now

Kev


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## kempe

I am stage 2 bi-polar and border-line schizophrenic, I have very bad mood swings from just wanting to be left alone to chasing down some one for cutting me up


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## JenJen

Thanks Kev, I have along way to go as I was only finally told on friday last week, but im on the right road to getting it under control, sadly I will never be cured but I can control it. I have been receiving treatment for depression since the beginning of the year but needed to see the mental health team, which there was a waiting list for. Just so happened while I was in for my colonoscopy on Friday they had a cancellation so I went along first of all. 

Really hope you manage to help your mum but first point of call is your family GP or the homes manager to raise your concern. Good luck xx


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## ITHAQVA

kempe said:


> I am stage 2 bi-polar and border-line schizophrenic, I have very bad mood swings from just wanting to be left alone to chasing down some one for cutting me up


That sounds like a very difficult combination mate, hope things get better for you.


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## ITHAQVA

spursfan said:


> Jen, tried the website and some links are not working.
> It is interesting though as my mum in law seems to be suffering from depression at the moment.
> He r hubby dies last year and she had to sell up and move closer to us into a retirement complex, problem is that she does not like to mix with other people and she has been diagnosed with depression before, looks like it may be back.
> Not sure what i should do about it but will speak to my wife and her brother first before making decisions on what to do.
> Thanks for the subject Jen, i hope you are Ok now
> 
> Kev


I have a close friend who has issues with people, its very difficult to get the balance right.


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## kempe

ITHAQVA said:


> That sounds like a very difficult combination mate, hope things get better for you.


Yep my mood can change in minutes and some times I can be a right peace of work, SWMBO knows what Im like and when I get in to a mood she knows how to handle me


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## JenJen

kempe said:


> Yep my mood can change in minutes and some times I can be a right peace of work, SWMBO knows what Im like and when I get in to a mood she knows how to handle me


 this made me smile because its nice you have someone that loves you unconditionally and is your rock :thumb:


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## rob28

My Dad had anxiety, depression, severe OCD and then violence and agression.It was eventually diagnosed as Huntingtons disease which we suspected anyway - but all the symptoms creep up on you and if you see the person day in, day out, you just assume thats how they are.
By the time you realise things aren't quite right ( or actually admit there's a problem) it can take a lot longer to get back onto an even keel.
Dad ended up being sectioned and held in a secure psychiatric ward for 7 months - a very stressful time for all involved but also a true eye opener to the problems that are out there.
We're now going through a similar story with my brother who although diagnosed a lot earlier, still has bad times and has had to be sectioned for his safety. He was hearing 2 voices in his head - one good, one bad. The bad one wanted him to kill himself and he almost managed it. 
Things escalated and he saw one of the top Docs in neuro-psychology who tweaked his drugs a bit and he's now almost back to the same guy he was a few months ago.

The meds can work wonders - you just need to find the balance that works for you.


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## kempe

JenJen said:


> this made me smile because its nice you have someone that loves you unconditionally and is your rock :thumb:


It can be funny as she is half the size of me pmsl When Im trying to get out the car to have a few words with some one at the traffic lights and she is having a go at me :lol: Thing is I get scared with it, I have never hit her or anything as she can calm me down but I dread when that day comes


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## JenJen

kempe said:


> It can be funny as she is half the size of me pmsl When Im trying to get out the car to have a few words with some one at the traffic lights and she is having a go at me :lol: Thing is I get scared with it, I have never hit her or anything as she can calm me down but I dread when that day comes


im sure that day wont come... be positive


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## kempe

JenJen said:


> im sure that day wont come... be positive


I cant not think about it, The moment I stop that could be the day


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## robtech

all i can say is dont rely on the likes of cpn's or shrinks.shower of idiots.


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## OvlovMike

Showshine said:


> I was diagnosed with depression when my dad died and was put on some heavy knock out drugs by the Quack. I had to be referred to the mental health nurse who prescribed stuff for me.


I was diagnosed with depression when my parents split. Ditto the drugs and quack, didn't help much though. TBF I think I'd started it a way before then. False accusations of a crime and being locked up for investigations, and losing a close friend pushed me very close to the edge. Think my parents separating was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Buried my head in my work, that pretty much got me through. Was a dark part of my life though


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## Trip tdi

This is a good thread, its down to earth which affects people in life.
Currently my health is down the dumps as well, its hard to push yourself physically to do things, once you do, i feel shattered and tired, agitated and stressed.
Being on here, takes my mind off things, i enjoy this forum, but to be honest with you i sometimes don't have the motivation or believe in life, its hard for me to have positive thoughts, when i do it drains me out, i assume i have been in this situation for some time, so i am use to it, its the cracking and breaking that vicious circle.

Currently, being brutally honest on here, i'm on a dark side as well, but being on here i have happiness from the peoples work on here, and i comment them from my true intentions.

This is a great site to take things off the edge from, the work on is outstanding.


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## DampDog

OvlovMike said:


> Buried my head in my work, that pretty much got me through. Was a dark part of my life though


That's what I did when I lost my dad, I pretty much lived at work. The balance tipped when I picked up gastroenteritis, I couldn't keep anything down properly for weeks. Think I got down to about 9st before I just shut down completely. Went from living at work to not being able to go out, and it lasted 18months or more.

Because you're lost to it, you don't realise what effect it has on the rest of the family, it can be even more painful for someone watching it happen to someone they care about.



Trip tdi said:


> This is a great site to take things off the edge from, the work on is outstanding.


Agree with that, there's everything on here from best wax, to best fridge freezer and dirty jokes. It's a cracking site, with some cracking members.


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## JenJen

I'm glad this thread is turning out to be helpful


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## DampDog

:thumb:


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## ITHAQVA

robtech said:


> all i can say is dont rely on the likes of cpn's or shrinks.shower of idiots.


Having seen them in action, I agree totally, unprofessional shower of S**TE, just a job to all the ones I've seen in the past, didn't help my friend at all, in fact they made things worse as they forced their WRONG opinions on them 
In the end I called them & told them I will be writing a letter to all relevant people informing them if they force my friend to work that they would be held responsible if my friend flipped out & killed someone, guess what they backed down.

I did a better job of helping & I'm not trained at all. Make it simple & empower the sufferer to control their recovery. Slow steps & goals & in their time. :thumb:


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## DMS

A couple of years back everything in my life got on top of me and I ended up suffering with depression. Things got so bad I was almost sectioned as i'd got to the point in my life where I didnt care anymore, Id had fleeting thoughts of ending it all.

I was dosed up with very strong anti depressants and anti psychotic drugs and was reguarly seeing a psychiatrist. I even had very bad OCD with the depression. Over 3 months id gone from being 17 1/2 stone to 12 1/2 stone.

I think, even though the drugs lifted my mood, the psychiatrist didnt help at all.

My family and especially our two young sons pulled my through. It took a long time but without my sons just being there for me I think things would be very different today. My sons are only 3 and 8 but they are my life.

Im ok and over it all now. I find if any problems arise its best to deal with them straight away and not tuck them away like I did. It'll only make you bad in the future

I can talk about this quite openly as going through it myself I'd not wish it on my worst enemy.

Ive also changed my outlook on life. I dont take things to seriously anymore and I never take my sons for granted

Sorry to bore you all.


----------



## JenJen

its not boring at all darren, its your story, everyone has one - thanks for being brave enough to share with us  

got to admit ive been seeing a "therapist" since January and I really didnt see the point, but I had to go through this procedure to then be referred to the mental health team - which has now happened, and now ill be seeing a consultant, tbh she is really nice and have a good feeling about her so im staying positive. 

Sadly for me I have no real support in place of a loved one or partner. So its really hard for me atm. Im just mentally scared of getting hurt again  and that saddens me


----------



## chillly

Good thread guys and lots of help whether you need it or not :thumb:


----------



## DampDog

JenJen said:


> its not boring at all darren, its your story


+1...

To be honest reading about other peoples struggles, coming to terms and living with or beating it, is interesting reading. I stop short of saying its therapeutic because that makes me sound like a quack..

But you know what I mean, it's a very isolating illness and simply knowing others are or have been in a similar situtation makes it slightly less daunting.


----------



## DMS

Jen

Whatevers happened in your life is none of my business but I just want to say you have a lot of friends here on DW, me included:thumb:

As for me rabbiting on about my previous problems I find it helps to talk about these things. Im not a councillor but having experienced mental health proplems myself I can relate to everyones posts

Theres nothing shameful about admitting problems. Saying that, when I started on the slippery downward slope I wouldnt admit to anything being wrong. When I did admit it, it felt like a great big weight had been lifted


----------



## Adam D

Different strokes for different folks with regards to counselling (and other therapies) in my opinion.

When I was suffering from anxiety I had a course of it alongside my Fluoxetine and the two of them worked well to help me understand what the root causes of my anxiety were and to help to work out coping strategies.


----------



## JenJen

Adam D said:


> Different strokes for different folks with regards to counselling (and other therapies) in my opinion.
> 
> When I was suffering from anxiety I had a course of it alongside my Fluoxetine and the two of them worked well to help me understand what the root causes of my anxiety were and to help to work out coping strategies.


:thumb: Im really hoping this new consultant will be able to help me do just this - the other counseller really just listened to be yapper for a hour a month


----------



## Adam D

JenJen said:


> :thumb: Im really hoping this new consultant will be able to help me do just this - the other counseller really just listened to be yapper for a hour a month


Well now I can understand why you were frustrated.

Maybe with this new consultant you can be upfront with them at the beginning and explain about your previous lack of success and what you want to achieve out of your sessions.

On reflection I can remember the first time I went for counselling in my mid-20s and I did not find them very useful to be honest and when I wanted to finish them my counsellor was desparate for me to stay! I reckon she fancied me


----------



## JenJen

Im glad someone does - many people dont! 

:thumb: I spent a hour with the new consultant a week ago and started from the beginning and explained i didnt get far with other lady. She explained because im a "complex" case that she will be able to help me so this made me smile


----------



## Adam D

JenJen said:


> Im glad someone does - many people dont!
> 
> :thumb: I spent a hour with the new consultant a week ago and started from the beginning and explained i didnt get far with other lady. She explained because im a "complex" case that she will be able to help me so this made me smile


That does sound positive 

I would take being called "complex" as a compliment as well. Much better than being plain Jane and transparent.

You should use this thread as a sort of blog/check-in and let us know how you get on with your new consultant.


----------



## JenJen

Just kinda wish the people i wanted to care did  thats the hardest part.


----------



## 335dAND110XS

Jen - just being slightly realistic here. Could it be that you want a positive reaction with loads of sympathy? So when it doesn't happen you feel annoyed/unloved? Not trying to be negative or harsh but maybe your expectations are too high? As long as the very nearest and dearest understand, the rest don't matter.

Yes being diagnosed is a bit of a shock but you have to out these things into perspective - people are struck down with fatal or completely debilitating diseases every single hour of every single day. You have to learn to live with what fate throws at you and deal with it.

The only way we got through our trauma was realising that despite it being very "unfair" and a terrible tragedy, people suffer worse all day every day. I think plenty here (me included) feel sympathy for your plight but others might not react how you want them to - just roll with life's punches and get stronger.


----------



## JenJen

335dAND110XS said:


> Jen - just being slightly realistic here. Could it be that you want a positive reaction with loads of sympathy? So when it doesn't happen you feel annoyed/unloved? Not trying to be negative or harsh but maybe your expectations are too high? As long as the very nearest and dearest understand, the rest don't matter.
> 
> Yes being diagnosed is a bit of a shock but you have to out these things into perspective - people are struck down with fatal or completely debilitating diseases every single hour of every single day. You have to learn to live with what fate throws at you and deal with it.
> 
> The only way we got through our trauma was realising that despite it being very "unfair" and a terrible tragedy, people suffer worse all day every day. I think plenty here (me included) feel sympathy for your plight but others might not react how you want them to - just roll with life's punches and get stronger.


Im sorry but I dont think your really understanding what ive said... you said as long as nearest and dearest understand, thats the point they dont!!!

I dont want anyone sympathy and if your suggesting that then you should be directing that to everyone that has suggested something in this thread and not just the only girl....! Im kinda upset you have singled me out


----------



## ITHAQVA

Hmmmmm. Ok This may be going in the wrong direction & as none of us really know each other well enough to judge. I can see both points here, please let’s keep it positive for the sakes of all who feel they must use this forum to communicate. After all I can’t be easy. I am surprised how many have posted very personal stuff on DW, but doesn’t that reflect on the type of members we have here & on the whole sympathy is the majority reaction. So well done us :thumb:

It’s the first forum I’ve seen such a close community & it’s really nice, if this forum can second as someone’s therapy session & genuinely help, then we 
should all be very proud of this. 

Had plenty of experience of different individuals & problems (Drugs, drink & mental illnesses),I have been told on many occasions I should of worked in mental health as I have a gift, apart from being a little touched in the head myself 

People, when someone posts their issues here it must be a last resort & I feel very sorry for those driven to do so out of desperation, they are very obviously ALONE & this compounds the already distressed sufferer, when they know they have SOMEONE or a group of people they can talk too it is the first step. The foundation of all mental health repair, is support.

Let’s please support anyone who needs it & not judge too quickly. Unless you witness it first-hand it’s probably very difficult to understand how sensitive sufferers are to the everyday triggers that we take for granted but can set them off onto a very bad day.


----------



## DampDog

ITHAQVA said:


> Let's please support anyone who needs it & not judge too quickly. Unless you witness it first-hand it's probably very difficult to understand how sensitive sufferers are to the everyday triggers that we take for granted but can set them off onto a very bad day.


Superb post...

People posting here are quite literally "bearing their soul" which is difficult if not impossible for some, even if they feel OK, let alone if they are struggling with this on a daily basis.

Personally I posted because it is something that I have been through in the past, so I empathise with anyone who is trying to battle with it, it's a frightening illness and the feeling of 'losing yourself' to it is terrible.

This illness is no different than cancer, or any other illness, you don't have a choice about whether you're going to be affected, or just how bad it can be. For many it is mild and they live with it for years and say nothing. For others it is devastating and may take their lives.

And it is an "illness" not just a way of thinking. It changes your perception, small insignificant comment or changes to your routine can send you deeper into it's grasp. And it isn't their fault, it how it manifests itself.

As an example following my heart attack I was desperate to get fitter and wanted some walking boots so I could do a little walk each day. Off to the shops I go. And return with said boots. I took them out of the box and saw that they were 10's.. Now I take 9's, I tried 9's on thought I'd picked up 9's from the pile. That was it, I literally sobbed and sobbed and sobbed all day, I simply couldn't cope with getting it wrong. That's how small stupid little things tip the balance. I look at it now and think WTF, but at the time it's the place I was in.

Please choose you words carefully.


----------



## ITHAQVA

DampDog said:


> Superb post...
> 
> People posting here are quite literally "bearing their soul" which is difficult if not impossible for some, even if they feel OK, let alone if they are struggling with this on a daily basis.
> 
> Personally I posted because it is something that I have been through in the past, so I empathise with anyone who is trying to battle with it, it's a frightening illness and the feeling of 'losing yourself' to it is terrible.
> 
> This illness is no different than cancer, you don't have a choice about whether you're going to be affected, or just how bad it can be. For many it is mild and they live with it for years and say nothing. For others it is devastating and may take their lives.
> 
> And it is an "illness" not just a way of thinking. It changes your perception, small insignificant comment or changes to your routine can send you deeper into it's grasp. And it isn't their fault, it how it manifests itself.
> 
> As an example following my heart attack I was desperate to get fitter and wanted some walking boots so I could do a little walk each day. Off to the shops I go. And return with said boots. I took them out of the box and saw that they were 10's.. Not I take 9's, I tried 9's on thought I'd picked up 9's from the pile. That was it, I literally sobbed and sobbed and sobbed all day, I simply couldn't cope with getting it wrong. That's how small stupid little things tip the balance. I look at it now and think WTF, but at the time it's the place I was in.
> 
> Please choose you words carefully.


Thanks oh Damp one :thumb: You've really got it there, once the sufferer goes into the dark place it's difficult to bring them out, I'm a very dark but incredibly positive person so I'm ideally equipped to help those in torment  :thumb:


----------



## ant_s

Not sure what to say but i've read the whoel thread and surprised how many people have opened up on DW, show's how good the forum is imo. To everyone that has posted about their own lives, hope everything goes as you wish it would.

I can't say i've ever suffered badly from anything, but when I was younger and getting to my late teen's my head felt all over the place, and I never felt myself. I couldn't explain what made me do things I did, I just wasn't me. I found it hard going from school to work, in school I had all of my mates around and was usualy centre of attention for being a *** (if i'm honest lol), in my comfort zone, I knew everyone around me and knew who I could count on.

Leaving school, I ended up very distant from all of my mates, I couldn't talk to any of them, I didn't want to, I hated my job, and hated my life. The only person I felt safe around was gf, she helped me out so much, (she probably doesn't know how much she did, she was always there for me and still is always there for me  )

I ended up distant from everyone, I went from being a confident person to hating being around people, being able to talk to people without thinking about it, to avoiding conversations as much as possible. It was weird, I don't know how to explain it.

I wouldn't know, or be able to say if it was something that could be "diagonised", but it definately wasn't a nice time for me - like I say it was just my gf that got me through it.


----------



## JenJen

It is crazy thou, the smallest thing just now and thats me, then i get frustrated with myself for allowing myself to get upset... its a horrible circle


----------



## Ross

Suffering with a low spell ATM lost interest in most things for some reason.


----------



## JenJen

Ross said:


> Suffering with a low spell ATM lost interest in most things for some reason.


I would LOVE to blame the change in weather.... I just cba with anything struggling to even keep on top of the cleaning in my flat. I get so far then its time to get out the hover and the laptop lures me away!

hugs to you Ross


----------



## Ross

Cheers Jen,nah its not the weather I had Friday off but the few days before that I had little get up and go at work which is not like me at all.


----------



## MattDuffy88

Ross said:


> Suffering with a low spell ATM lost interest in most things for some reason.


Same here Ross. Plus they've just announced an undisclosed number of redundancies at work in the coming weeks  Just when things were looking up it turns to s**t once again :wall:


----------



## JenJen

Ross said:


> Cheers Jen,nah its not the weather I had Friday off but the few days before that I had little get up and go at work which is not like me at all.


nah i know its not to weather - it was a small try at being funny  but failed. Hope your ok xXx


----------



## Ross

Thanks Jen but I am not really in the mood,not enjoyed this week at all.


----------



## Ross

MattDuffy88 said:


> Same here Ross. Plus they've just announced an undisclosed number of redundancies at work in the coming weeks  Just when things were looking up it turns to s**t once again :wall:


Hope your not getting the boot:thumb:


----------



## Ross

Well I think the dark spell I had 6 years ago has come back and I have no idea what has caused it.Last week I just seemed to have no get up and go and my interest in working was pretty much non exstant which is not me at all,interest in other things I enjoy has faded too.


----------



## DMS

I must admit being off of work for 8 weeks so far due to a prolapsed disc has pushed me back a bit.

I cant do things that I would usually be able to do i.e take care of the car etc

Everyday is the same as the last. Ive even lost track what the day is.

Roll on when I get the date for the MRI scan and things can get moving again.


----------



## ITHAQVA

DMS said:


> I must admit being off of work for 8 weeks so far due to a prolapsed disc has pushed me back a bit.
> 
> I cant do things that I would usually be able to do i.e take care of the car etc
> 
> Everyday is the same as the last. Ive even lost track what the day is.
> 
> Roll on when I get the date for the MRI scan and things can get moving again.


MRI scans arent always conclusive, a friend had it done & it didnt pick up the Back issue


----------



## Ross

Gave the car a little TLC and I am feeling a little better.


----------



## DampDog

Best "pick me up" I've ever had in my whole life is 42Kg of bouncy, mental, Golden retriever. Doesn't give a stuff what I feel like, just wants to wrestle or go for a walk. He's 11 now and a bit of an old man but still mad as a box of frogs..


----------



## ITHAQVA

Ross said:


> Gave the car a little TLC and I am feeling a little better.


Good on you Ross, always good to keep occupied to help focus on other things & give yourself a sense of purpose. And the little things in life ARE important mate. :thumb:


----------



## Ross

DampDog said:


> Best "pick me up" I've ever had in my whole life is 42Kg of bouncy, mental, Golden retriever. Doesn't give a stuff what I feel like, just wants to wrestle or go for a walk. He's 11 now and a bit of an old man but still mad as a box of frogs..


Been doing a lot of mileage with our 5 year old Lab,had a nice little walk to a local beach which the both of us enjoyed:thumb:


----------



## ITHAQVA

Ross said:


> Been doing a lot of mileage with our 5 year old Lab,had a nice little walk to a local beach which the both of us enjoyed:thumb:


The simple things mate, keep focused & hopefully youll move on to better things Ross.


----------



## Ross

I am doing fine mate just seem to have had a low spell for the last few days why I don't know.


----------



## Kriminal

Having Dad go back into Hospital on Friday, and stay overnight, due to him having problems walking at the moment - because of his cancer - hasn't made me the best bundle of joy to be honest.

They've discovered he has also now got two more cancers - one on his very bottom spinal vertebrae, and the other two up from there. Apparently the force of the cancer against his spine is the cause of his walking/lack of walking problems.

To think I was all excited on Friday afternoon, thinking about me leaving my job in 3 weeks time, and looking for another 'hairdressers' car in the New Year, and then this bomb was dropped.

I had even considered not bothering with leaving the job, and not looking into another car, as I had to concentrate on what was important to me - and you know us men right ?.....can't multi-task, even with thinking !!....lol

Still, they reckon with a dose of Chemo, and a bit of Radiotherapy, they should be able to 'unsettle' the cancers and free up his vertebrae to help him walk again.

He'll be on a drug soon, that's costing £3k a month, that they reckon is darn good for terminal cancer patients, and I just so hope that this will give him his life back.

The only way to look is positive I guess.....and when you're feeling down and stressed, and people start wanting or demanding, I've always found the best thing is to just 'let the doorbell ring'.

Ross, clouds will always pass over mate. Just sit still, and accept that there will be a bright sky again. Trying to fathom out what the problem is, can sometimes be the problem.


----------



## Ross

In a much more positive mood now:thumb:


----------



## JenJen

Kriminal, my mum has been on a drug which is for cancer patients which they cant treat/remove. She has been on the treatment now for 14years (she was a test patient) although its not made it disappear its also has not grown anymore and doesnt deter her from living her life... Hopefully this will be a bit of good info and if you ever fancy chatting to her direct i can put you both in touch! She also has a diet which her and other friends follow and its been known to help improve the side effects etc.

I have my fav wee man staying over tonight while mummy and daddy redecorate his new bedroom, cant wait lets just hope he doesnt hide my mobile or decide he doesnt want to sleep in his cot cause the last time he stayed over he kicked me out of my own bed... lets just hope daddy didnt feed him sugar or else ill be handing the poor mite back...


----------



## andy monty

JenJen said:


> Kriminal, my mum has been on a drug which is for cancer patients which they cant treat/remove. She has been on the treatment now for 14years (she was a test patient) although its not made it disappear its also has not grown anymore and doesnt deter her from living her life... Hopefully this will be a bit of good info and if you ever fancy chatting to her direct i can put you both in touch! She also has a diet which her and other friends follow and its been known to help improve the side effects etc.
> 
> I have my fav wee man staying over tonight while mummy and daddy redecorate his new bedroom, cant wait lets just hope he doesnt hide my mobile or decide he doesnt want to sleep in his cot cause the last time he stayed over he kicked me out of my own bed... lets just hope daddy didnt feed him sugar or else ill be handing the poor mite back...


Send him back full of sunny delight and Haribo


----------



## patmac

andy monty said:


> Send him back full of sunny delight and Haribo


Thats so evil.
Been suffering with mental health issues myself for a while now and it is not easy.
Was diagnosed with depression just after Christmas. went on medication and thought i had it licked. Oh how wrong i was. My doctor suggested a change of medication in April and thats when it all fell apart.
Went downhill like a runaway train and after going missing from the house for several hours ended up in hospital for 8 weeks as they tried to balance me out. that was 4 months ago and i have not worked since. Mainly because my employers see me as an unacceptable risk to the company and i am on sick leave untill they decide what to do.
It is a very sneaky disease and can creep up on you if you dont keep it in check. I have bad days and good days but at the same time my genuine friends are there for me. There are certain people (in my own family) who look at me as if i have 2 heads or deny the issue exists.
There is something of a social stigma here in Ireland around mental health issues which only makes things more difficult for the sufferer to reintegrate into society once they have started to recover and this needs to change. Im not sure how it is in the UK but mental health issues in this country cost a fortune. €120 a month for medication,€160 per trip to the shrink and dont even ask how much 8 weeks in the hospital costs. Private nursing home as one of my British friends called it recently.
In short, Dont be afraid of your illness, Be open about it with your loved ones and trusted friends. Set up a recovery network of close trusted friends who will honestly tell you if you are acting strangely or people you can talk to about issues that are impacting on you.
Best of luck with it. Im sure you will get over this as many of us have and get out there and live life to the full.

Here endeth the lesson:wave:


----------



## e32chris

i am also suffering with depression. it started after being in a very serious head on collision. i was trapped in the car for just under 2 hours while the fire brigade cut me out. a guy in a clio overtook coming the other direction onto my side of the road at over 60mph. that was in july 2009. my ankles were pretty badly damaged so i have been taking strong painkillers and anti depressants since. i have had 5 operations and only now am i getting mobile but this is limited. i worked on the road so a very physical job and im still trying to come to terms with the fact there are things i am not able to do. i have a very supportive group of friends and family but still struggle on a day to day basis. i understand completely that there are people in a worse situation than me and have been told so by unhelpful people, including my gp, my answer to her was yes i am aware of that but there are also a lot of people in a better situation too, everyone responds differently to traumatic events and recently i have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. i have been recieving general councilling and am soon to start cbt, cognitive behavioural theropy. to meet me 99% of people would be unaware of the problems im dealing with and i di have a relatively normal life apart from the fact i have been unable to return to work. im always trying to stay positive and my 2 children motivate me tremendously, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, keep on smiling

heres a pic of the car it was an e36 325 coupe, looks more like a covertible after the firebrigade cut the roof off


----------



## Ross

I genuinely think I have some some sort of depression,rarely get excited or happy about anything.Very up and down with my moods ect.


----------



## DampDog

I've suffered from it twice very badly. First time was after the death of my father when I was 19, which left it's mark to this day. Then again following a heart attack and period of poor health.

I'm aware I have "dark-days" but on the most part it sort of ticks away in the background. At some point in their life unless they're very, very lucky, most people will experience some degree of "depression"

We all have periods of just being "low" that's not depression. But if it effects your lifestyle it is. By that if you can't sleep, or are constantly knackered, can't be arsed with things you used to enjoy, it's possibly depression. Quick word with your doc might sort it out.

I'm probably the opposite now, I'm the worlds biggest worrier, I've lost countless nights sleep worrying over "nothings" It really does my head in sometimes.


----------



## Ross

My torn quad has come back to bite again on my left leg,its pretty sore again with the pain going down the back of my leg and now my right ankle is sore feels like I have kinda sprained it which is not helping at all actually struggling to get around now.


----------



## Trip tdi

Ross said:


> I genuinely think I have some some sort of depression,rarely get excited or happy about anything.Very up and down with my moods ect.


Do your moods improve during the day.


----------



## Ross

Trip tdi said:


> Do your moods improve during the day.


Not really,noticed I have really short fuse now,get very pi55ed off and angry at things almost like some sort of frustration.Really feels like I am about to just crack.


----------



## Trip tdi

Ross said:


> Not really,noticed I have really short fuse now,get very pi55ed off and angry at things almost like some sort of frustration.Really feels like I am about to just crack.


What are you snappy with people around you and get agitated quickly, how do you move around, fast or slow, and speak wise.

Sorry to ask, where's the frustration coming from, is there added pressure in your life that has triggered this, what do you think during day to day, or are your thoughts racing and can't keep up with them.


----------



## Trip tdi

Guys i am quite experienced in this field, so if anyone wants help on here, fire away and i will help you.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> My torn quad has come back to bite again on my left leg,its pretty sore again with the pain going down the back of my leg and now my right ankle is sore feels like I have kinda sprained it which is not helping at all actually struggling to get around now.


There's nowt worse than being in pain, or ill health for getting you down. Sounds more like you're more frustrated and pis sed off that your quads giving you grief. Feel for ya mate been there..


----------



## Ross

Feeling sick with the pain


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> Feeling sick with the pain


What are you taking for it, if anything?


----------



## svended

Long story short, I got depressed, can't even remember what started it, took many overdoses and cut myself on too many of an occassion. Psychologists and psychiatrists just put there chin to there hands and kept saying 'and how does that make you feel' and 'how did that come about'. Was put on a ward for four months with others with different conditions, it helped a little, not the talking about it, but understanding other people and what it was that may or may not be affecting me. I've come to deal with it more, okay some days are a real chore and occassionally I just want to cry. But I find helping others, helps me, okay that sounds vain or bragging or whatever, but it's true. When I look at my friend's face as she looks at a clean car I think 'I did that, cool', or having plasters and micropore tape ready to hand if a colleague cuts themselves and they say thanks. A smile can do a world of good, and now see the way I am as just me.


----------



## Ross

DampDog said:


> What are you taking for it, if anything?


Took 6 Anadin LiquiFast in a pint of water last night.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> Took 6 Anadin LiquiFast in a pint of water last night.


That's not up to the job mate. You need to get into the doc for some stronger analgesia, possibly anti-inflammatories. Don't suffer it and let it drag you down. I recon you need to have someone look at it, sooner than later, it's obviously making life miserable for you at the moment.


----------



## Ross

Only thing they gave my last time was paracetamol and ibuprofen.


----------



## bigmc

Try cocodamol and naproxen.


----------



## Ross

I am going to get something stronger today.


----------



## Ross

Feeling like crap tonight.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> Feeling like crap tonight.





Ross said:


> I am going to get something stronger today.


Did you get anything stronger??


----------



## Ross

Not yet.


----------



## Ross

Trip tdi said:


> What are you snappy with people around you and get agitated quickly, how do you move around, fast or slow, and speak wise.
> 
> Sorry to ask, where's the frustration coming from, is there added pressure in your life that has triggered this, what do you think during day to day, or are your thoughts racing and can't keep up with them.


Only snappy when I am tired,move around quickly.


----------



## JenJen

svended said:


> Long story short, I got depressed, can't even remember what started it, took many overdoses and cut myself on too many of an occassion. Psychologists and psychiatrists just put there chin to there hands and kept saying 'and how does that make you feel' and 'how did that come about'. Was put on a ward for four months with others with different conditions, it helped a little, not the talking about it, but understanding other people and what it was that may or may not be affecting me. I've come to deal with it more, okay some days are a real chore and occassionally I just want to cry. But I find helping others, helps me, okay that sounds vain or bragging or whatever, but it's true. When I look at my friend's face as she looks at a clean car I think 'I did that, cool', or having plasters and micropore tape ready to hand if a colleague cuts themselves and they say thanks. A smile can do a world of good, and now see the way I am as just me.


Thank you for your and glad you are in a better place! I find helping others makes me feel better but then i get hassle and told im this, that and everything else when all ive tried to do is help someone then the good work has been undone and im back to square one.


----------



## Ronnie

was in a very dark place once mental illness is a horrible thing and can hit you all of a sudden. never want to go back there to be honest.


----------



## Ross

I am not far from cracking mentaly.


----------



## Titanium Htail

Hello,
My son 24 had some MH issues and receive appropriate residential help and support, it is the fact that these and others conditions many people shy away from, as Paul mentions although this does not make any individual a lesser person, that is not the consensus of the population who have those uninformed opinions and perceived stigma.

Expecting others to understand our plight is problematic especially when our condition goes unseen, one might think that a visual clue as with my boys disability would give the notion of necessary support and understanding, it does not. More people in the public domain are admitting MH issues and that helps everyone.

E Goffman wrote a book called Stigma, about MH and the notion of disclosure or otherwise.

Take care and be kind to yourself, keep those black dogs days away.

John.


----------



## Ross

I do have a feeling I have some sort of depression,not felt "happy" in months/years its almost a feeling I can't feel.
Starting not to care about myself anymore,the amount of painkillers I have been taking for the past 6 weeks would shock a lot of people but as I said I don't really care.
Being in constant physical pain 24/7 is not helping either from a recovering torn quad muscle to my on going back problems its really getting to me now.
The local health center up here is truly a nightmare,asking to see is like asking for blood so I don't bother going.
I am only 23 and I have just about had enough of it.


----------



## shonajoy

Ross said:


> I do have a feeling I have some sort of depression,not felt "happy" in months/years its almost a feeling I can't feel.
> Starting not to care about myself anymore,the amount of painkillers I have been taking for the past 6 weeks would shock a lot of people but as I said I don't really care.
> Being in constant physical pain 24/7 is not helping either from a recovering torn quad muscle to my on going back problems its really getting to me now.
> The local health center up here is truly a nightmare,asking to see is like asking for blood so I don't bother going.
> I am only 23 and I have just about had enough of it.


You need to tell someone close to you if you haven't already, and they can support you. Pain is the most debilitating thing ever, I've had three months of it but thanks to a good doctor am getting there.

Even get someone to go with you and force some sort of help, you're too young to feel like this, I really feel for you. Hang in there, you will get better x


----------



## svended

JenJen said:


> Thank you for your and glad you are in a better place! I find helping others makes me feel better but then i get hassle and told im this, that and everything else when all ive tried to do is help someone then the good work has been undone and im back to square one.


I've taken on two sayings. One is 'it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice', the other is 'if the person who is ridiculing you isn't important to you, then why is it important what they say'.

There is no cure, it's keeping on top of it thats the trick. I can crash at the click of a finger but I take a moment then try to get on with things. We have a hard enough time getting through the day than to let others add to it.

Keep smiling and keep breathing, the rest will follow. Big hugs Jen


----------



## Ross

shonajoy said:


> You need to tell someone close to you if you haven't already, and they can support you. Pain is the most debilitating thing ever, I've had three months of it but thanks to a good doctor am getting there.
> 
> Even get someone to go with you and force some sort of help, you're too young to feel like this, I really feel for you. Hang in there, you will get better x


Nah I am not telling anybody,had serious pain with my leg for the past 8 months,my back has been on and off for the past 7 years.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> Nah I am not telling anybody,had serious pain with my leg for the past 8 months,my back has been on and off for the past 7 years.


Why not???

If you're in pain you need to see someone who can help you get on top of it. If you're not seeing anyone because you can't be bothered or don't think anyone will help, it's even more important that you see someone because that's real depression "talking" and getting a grip and you need help.


----------



## Ross

I can't be bothered to be honest with you.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> I can't be bothered to be honest with you.


You need to see your doc, get on top of the pain and tell him how you feel. It's because it's getting on top of you. Not being bothered, with things that matter and life in general is typical depression. It skews your judgement things just get worse. If it's like my local practice there are a number of doctors there. It might help if you see a different doc, a new pair of eyes and all that..

Plus if you're loading up on pain killers that can seriously lower your mood. Get yourself off to see someone.


----------



## Ross

I don't want to see anybody.


----------



## Exotica

Ross said:


> I don't want to see anybody.


Very much sounds like the depression talking. It's hard but do seek your GP.


----------



## Ross

No I am not going to any GP.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> Nah I am not telling anybody,had serious pain with my leg for the past 8 months,my back has been on and off for the past 7 years.





Ross said:


> I can't be bothered to be honest with you.





Ross said:


> I don't want to see anybody.





Ross said:


> No I am not going to any GP.


Why?

Seems to be a theme here. It's your choice, you sit at home and suffer or try and do something about it.


----------



## Ross

Because I don't like getting help from anybody and I am pretty stuborn.


----------



## bigmc

I'm stubborn too, it's a man thing but stress and depression categorically will not cure itself without outside help and it's not a failure to seek help.


----------



## Trip tdi

JenJen, how are you feeling at the moment, since the weather has become warmer, I have found walking, does not need to be fast, I take it slow, helps.

Bigmc is right above, when you suffer from Depression, you feel low, so it's best to seek help from a professional and work from there; but being honest, the NHS has cut bigtimes, but no excuse for help.

Keep us informed.


----------



## Ross

Seeing anybody about anything with the NHS up here is a waste of time as I found out with my torn quad muscle.


----------



## Trip tdi

Ross said:


> Seeing anybody about anything with the NHS up here is a waste of time as I found out with my torn quad muscle.


Must admit, they have alot of cut backs in the NHS system, so it's affecting there performance and service to some people, they have limited there selfs in the system but still should be no excuses from the NHS, after all health and welfare is no 1 and they know this.

Countrys in hard Recession.


----------



## DampDog

bigmc said:


> I'm stubborn too, it's a man thing but stress and depression categorically will not cure itself without outside help and it's not a failure to seek help.





Ross said:


> Because I don't like getting help from anybody and I am pretty stuborn.


It's a bloke thing based on ignorance and prejudice really, based out outdated stereotypes. "stiff upper lip, and pull yourself together attitude"

Tell your mate you'd got diabetes or heart problems you'd probably get sympathy, tell them you're struggling with depression they will probably tell you to get a grip. Yet they're all illnesses that can take your life..

Biggest problem is it alters you perception of yourself and others, even if you're getting help and treatment it can feel pointless and a waste of time. And the feeling of basically "not being arsed" and life being pointless is all too common.

As for the NHS, it's slowly being torn apart by the wolves and bean counters


----------



## Ross

DampDog said:


> It's a bloke thing based on ignorance and prejudice really, based out outdated stereotypes. "stiff upper lip, and pull yourself together attitude"
> 
> Tell your mate you'd got diabetes or heart problems you'd probably get sympathy, tell them you're struggling with depression they will probably tell you to get a grip. Yet they're all illnesses that can take your life..
> 
> Biggest problem is it alters you perception of yourself and others, even if you're getting help and treatment it can feel pointless and a waste of time. And the feeling of basically "not being arsed" and life being pointless is all too common.
> 
> As for the NHS, it's slowly being torn apart by the wolves and bean counters


My family on my mothers side had heart problems and I do have a very stong feeling my one is much the same ie knackered.


----------



## DampDog

Ross said:


> My family on my mothers side had heart problems and I do have a very stong feeling my one is much the same ie knackered.


Heart disease is a biggy for me, dad died from a heart attack just turned 47, I had a heart attack and subsequent triple bypass at 35. It left me with a heart murmur and as the years have ticked by I have left ventricular hypertrophy now. (Left side of my heart is enlarged because it has been working extra hard for past 15 years.)

Which was sort of a double whammy because that's when depression got a grip. I was close to my dad and it hit me very hard. Been Ok since but I was in a very dark sacry place for a while and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

On the up side I'm still here and cardiothoracic surgery has moved on, so too have all the interventions and diagnosis, not to mention the drugs available to treat and control it.

If you have any doubts about your ticker get in and see a cardiologist, in my experience they are very, very good. (even the NHS ones, who tend to do private as well anyway)


----------



## Naddy37

DampDog said:


> tell them you're struggling with depression they will probably tell you to get a grip.


IMHO, that is the worst thing anyone suffering depression wants to hear.

My bro-in-law said it to my Sis when I was off work with it, "why doesn't Neil just snap out of it".....:wall:


----------



## DampDog

neilos said:


> IMHO, that is the worst thing anyone suffering depression wants to hear.


+1.. Doesn't stop people saying it or thinking it though.


----------



## Ross

I don't know,had heart/chest pains for years now sometimes it feels like something tickling my heart. It probaly explains why I am tired most of the time.


----------



## stuart1164

I was diagnosed with it in Nov 2010.

Depression and Anxiety horrible esteem went to the floor would stay in the living room door shut for most of the time.

I was on 6 different meds before one worked and still the confidence has not returned that's why I dont do as much detailing.

I work for a bank and the meeting HR had with me on my return ended with them saying, if your off again with the same thing we will be looking at disaplinary. 

Bang back to the floor went my esteem, confidence etc.

Stuart.


----------



## Trip tdi

stuart1164 said:


> I was diagnosed with it in Nov 2010.
> 
> Depression and Anxiety horrible esteem went to the floor would stay in the living room door shut for most of the time.
> 
> I was on 6 different meds before one worked and still the confidence has not returned that's why I dont do as much detailing.
> 
> I work for a bank and the meeting HR had with me on my return ended with them saying, if your off again with the same thing we will be looking at disaplinary.
> 
> Bang back to the floor went my esteem, confidence etc.
> 
> Stuart.


Sorry to hear this, are you still on meds, no firm can do that, you should of recorded the conversation, you would of shafted them hard for that.


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## stuart1164

Yes still on them. The union was with me and he said nothing, I said to myself I give up!

They are horrible to work for disaplinarys are a very regular thing.

That's all to do with the recession and cut backs the pressure is constant the bullying and intimidation too.

In terms of what JenJen was saying about her friend (ex) mine slowly drifted away. The last 2 years have been hell but I'm still afloat but it's hard but there is a lot like us.......so here's to us lol.

Stuart.


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## JenJen

I've thrown myself into anything that stops me thinking about anything that makes me sad. In the process of cutting anyone out that want to hurt me - its the hardest thing because when you love someone no matter what or how you can never hate someone you love so from that poi I'm struggling.


----------



## patmac

Trip tdi said:


> Sorry to hear this, are you still on meds, no firm can do that, you should of recorded the conversation, you would of shafted them hard for that.


Well over here in Ireland its not much better. I was put in a position where i was forced to resign my position. Then again it was a major "trigger" for my anxiety and depression. after 5 weeks in hospital and nearly 12 months on the medication i seem to have hit another brick wall. Biggest issue is since i resigned i have no health insurance to back me up anymore. Still, im able to get up in the morning (just) still having issues but getting there. Still a huge stigma attached to it though. Even my mother who is a retired psychiatric nurse tells me to get a grip.


----------



## stuart1164

I generally try to think of things that make me look forward, silly things like a programme on tv, or a cd I have made up waiting to play or the weather decent on a weekend so I can do cars. Jen Jen I think that's what it's about and yes I kept away from people as I did not want them to have any chance of bringing me down even though they may not mean it.

I do still have a lot of times that I'm down especially losing my dog last week as well as other things.

Stuart.


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## Trip tdi

Look if anyone wants a one to one chat on here, anyone on here can PM me direct, and I will try my best for you lot  
Talking helps and lifts the weight off the shoulders, often our thoughts are racing, sometimes you can not keep up without realising.


----------



## JenJen

Thanks everyone hopefully this thread will open up a point of further discussion for people that need some help but don't know where to start....


----------



## Ross

I think I need to talk to somebody but I don't want to open up which is normal for me.

I am really wondering what the point of keeping going is.


----------



## Grawschbags

Ross said:


> I think I need to talk to somebody but I don't want to open up which is normal for me.
> 
> I am really wondering what the point of keeping going is.


By just appreciating that you need to speak to someone is already a massive step.

You don't have to jump right in and get it all off your chest. Just take it a step at a time mate and talk about only what you feel comfortable divulging.

I had terrible anxiety for a while and bottled things up for months while it ate away at me. I opened up to folk eventually and have been all the better for it.

PM me if you want. I know I don't know you, but that might help.


----------



## Ross

Thanks


----------



## alexj

Remember you may feel ****e at the moment but time is the healer

If you look after yourself, eat and drink well, sleep well, exercise, 
spend time doing things you enjoy with positive people and 
not forgetting not too much if any intoxication 
you will look back on this episode in your life and realise it has made you a better person


----------



## Ross

I do all of those things but I still feel crap.


----------



## alexj

Well keep doing them and I promise you before the winter starts again you'll feel better

Anxiety is I'm afraid to say something that has to be fought to overcome, its a horrible feeling, butterflies in the stomach, and the only rest from it is sleep

Just keep fighting it and it will go 

be patient though mate


----------



## Ross

Don't mention the winter.I do have and overactive mind and I tend to over-think everything.


----------



## Grawschbags

Sounds to me like you have some form of anxiety, possibly health related.


----------



## Ross

Maybe I am not sure.


----------



## Grawschbags

If you think you have an overactive mind and tend to dwell on things that may never happen, then I would say it points to anxiety. 

I've been there mate. It affects more people than you might think.


----------



## Ross

Grawschbags said:


> *If you think you have an overactive mind and tend to dwell on things that may never happen*, then I would say it points to anxiety.
> 
> I've been there mate. It affects more people than you might think.


Yip thats me.


----------



## Grawschbags

Have you ever looked at any anxiety related forums?

They are full of people with the same mindset as you (and me). I found them refreshing in the sense that it shows it is just a state of mind. Just remember, you control your thoughts, and not the other way about. 

Do you have much in the way of hobbies/interests that distract you?


----------



## Ross

A few things but I tend to get bored easily which leads to frustration.


----------



## -Simon-

_"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."_

Mark Twain

Think this says it all....


----------



## Ross

Very true.


----------



## Paintmaster1982

Iam not sure this is what talking about it means. Iam 30 now and since 2008 is prob the worst time for me. I lost my uncle in a tragic motor bike accident in 08 and ever since then really my mind and mood have been out of control. I have no get up and go anymore, can't be bothered to do anything and go mad at the slightest thing that goes wrong. I have no feeling for consequence and to be honest iam the complete opposite to how I was when I was a kid. Not really sure why iam telling you this butthis thread interested me.


----------



## ITHAQVA

Paintmaster1982 said:


> Iam not sure this is what talking about it means. Iam 30 now and since 2008 is prob the worst time for me. I lost my uncle in a tragic motor bike accident in 08 and ever since then really my mind and mood have been out of control. I have no get up and go anymore, can't be bothered to do anything and go mad at the slightest thing that goes wrong. I have no feeling for consequence and to be honest iam the complete opposite to how I was when I was a kid. Not really sure why iam telling you this butthis thread interested me.


You have one life, live it mate, what would your uncle think if he could see you now, i bet he would give you a dam good talking to & tell you to enjoy your time on earth & not to throw away the amazing gift of *life* :thumb:

Take care mate :thumb:

The world is full of assholes but its also full of a load of good people :thumb:


----------



## patmac

i finally got back to the gym and found i can reduce my medication from 225 mg to 150 with a decent 90 min workout 5 days a week. Still seeing the therapist but its getting better. Its been a hard road since i got out of hospital this time last year but im slowly getting on top of it. even managing to get the business back on line, Been suffering major confidence issues since i started up in jan but getting there.


----------



## Grawschbags

^^^Good stuff mate. Well done!

The gym really helps me out too.


----------



## Ross

Good going Pat.


----------



## DampDog

Very sad post for me. But a neighbour and lad who I've known for almost 40 years, since primary school and before. Took his own life mid week, which is just a tragedy.

I would never ever in a million years have expected it of him. Very fit very active, liked a natter over the garden wall so to speak. I still can't get my head round it. last person I would have expected to do something like this. His family are in bits.


----------



## Ross

Thats not so good DampDog.


----------



## Grawschbags

Such a shame. We'll probably never understand what drives people to such extremes. Keep your chin up mate.


----------



## DampDog

Grawschbags said:


> Such a shame. We'll probably never understand what drives people to such extremes. Keep your chin up mate.


I'm fine. It's just the feeling of what on earth could have been going on inside his head. Outwardly he didn't appear to have a problem in the world, it's just very, very sad. It's just a bit strange even though we were both 50 I still see him in my head as the lad I went to school with. It's crying shame he was a decent bloke.


----------



## kh904

I guess it's more of a common thing with some suicide cases, where the person keeps there emotions & thoughts bottled in & has a calm & 'normal' exterior.
Similar to Gary Speed i guess.

Chin up DampDog! 

I do truely believe, much of the modern lifestyle is causing the increase in mental illnesses such as depression & suicide etc.
People (mainly men) just are not brought up & encourage to express their deepest feelings in the correct way. We are all too busy chasing the next illusion of happiness trying to fill a void, and have our priorities screwed up.

We just don't bother to stop each day and truely relax and gather our thoughts & analyse them, & sort of meditate on them if that makes sense.


----------



## Ross

I tend to bottle up things and do little to relax.


----------



## kh904

Ross said:


> I tend to bottle up things and do little to relax.


I use to be the same. 
I do still bottle up things (i don't know if that's because i have slight aspergers or not), but do know find time to relax and think & talk to myself - taking the time and trying to understand why do i feel happy, sad or angry etc, then try to learn from it.

I tend to exercise more, hobbies that i love to zone out to (like detailing), which clean out the mind.

I've also got more into reading, and ditching trash tv that's not good for my mental & spiritual growth. Looking up more on subjects of philosophy, spiritualism/religion, motivation, psychology, history etc to try and get some understanding of the world, myself & my role/purpose in it.
Sounds a bit hippy-ish but it has been very interesting indeed!

There's some great youtube video's about, from motivational speakers, yoga teachers for eastern philosophy etc, but you do have to search ones that resonate with you.


----------



## Ross

Don't get me started on religion.


----------



## Grawschbags

kh904 said:


> I use to be the same.
> I do still bottle up things (i don't know if that's because i have slight aspergers or not), but do know find time to relax and think & talk to myself - taking the time and trying to understand why do i feel happy, sad or angry etc, then try to learn from it.
> 
> I tend to exercise more, hobbies that i love to zone out to (like detailing), which clean out the mind.
> 
> I've also got more into reading, and ditching trash tv that's not good for my mental & spiritual growth. Looking up more on subjects of philosophy, spiritualism/religion, motivation, psychology, history etc to try and get some understanding of the world, myself & my role/purpose in it.
> Sounds a bit hippy-ish but it has been very interesting indeed!
> 
> There's some great youtube video's about, from motivational speakers, yoga teachers for eastern philosophy etc, but you do have to search ones that resonate with you.


I find that exercise of any sort helps me out a great deal. Anything that focuses my attention for any length of time also helps. I am at my worst when I am alone and left to my own devices (thoughts), this is when I tend to dwell on things and get myself worked up and anxious. It's bizarre as I'm quite a head strong guy, but the mind is a complicated thing.


----------



## Guitarjon

One of my friends wrote a book on it about his life. Was very interesting. I can't say I'm an avid reader but it was definatly worth a read as it meant more as I know him.


----------



## kh904

Ross said:


> Don't get me started on religion.


Don't get me wrong, i'm not pro-religion, but there are some great philisophical teachings to be found though - a lot of buddhist & sikh (& eastern trains of thought), that begins to ask the right questions on what's reality, happiness etc.


----------



## kh904

Grawschbags said:


> I find that exercise of any sort helps me out a great deal. Anything that focuses my attention for any length of time also helps. I am at my worst when I am alone and left to my own devices (thoughts), this is when I tend to dwell on things and get myself worked up and anxious. It's bizarre as I'm quite a head strong guy, but the mind is a complicated thing.


I see where you're coming from, but i think you still may be burying some issues if you can't sit & think on your own, and your doing all these activities to stop you from confronting your issues maybe?

Maybe, when you have some time to yourself & some privacy, maybe start asking what exactly is bothering me, why do i feel angry or upset, and go through it logically back to the root cause (basically it's like CBT - cognitive behavioural therepy).


----------



## The Cueball

Hmm, I had this all planned out in my head, and I’ve suddenly went blank when trying to type it…

Why am I writing this…. Well I’m fed up, I’m completely fed up, tired, lonely, angry at the way I am living my life and the things that I go through on a daily basis…

The main reason I guess I am here is that I am a very, very private person, I don’t have many people to speak to at the best of times, and even when I try to open up, they have “real” problems and worries whereas I don’t… in their eyes anyway.

So please bear with me as I take the easy route and spill my guts hiding behind a computer, and being a faceless nobody.

On the surface, I have nothing to be sad about, I have no worries.

I have a great job, my own house and cars, I wear nice clothes and I have other material things that many people wish for, I have no debt and no money worries. Yes I have worked hard to get all these, and I think to the outside world I have everything sussed and I am nice and calm, and contented.

When I go out, and when and if I want to be, I can be the life and soul of any party, I can talk to anyone, I’m not shy, I am not scared and I can chat and pull almost any female I want… the key to that part is if and when…

Most of the time however I live in a constant battle with myself, always in pain and sadness… everything is black with me and everything is dull and boring.

I am mean to people I love, I push them away, I hurt them, and I am scared of letting people in my life.

When I am with someone, I have this internal battle every moment of every day that I don’t want to be happy, I want to be on my own, even though I know they are helping me and improving my life… I have this self-destruct devil that keeps dripping into my brain that I need to get out, stop allowing someone to love me….

Case in point… I have just been dumped (again) a few months ago…. My ex, was without doubt the best thing to ever happen to me, she was almost everything I wanted and was looking for in a partner… she was funny, clever, absolutely stunning, she loved me and I’m sure would have looked after me, protected and nurtured me for the rest of my days (I believe partners do all of that for each other, I don’t expect someone just to do it for me – I tried my best for her)… if I had only let her into my dark little f***d up life…

Why did I get dumped… well after a few years together, she wanted to move in… very reasonable request, most guys would have jumped at the chance… what did I do…. Started shouting and screaming at her that the best she will ever get from me is a couple of weekends together every month…. She quite rightly walked away.

I have had a few exes in the past, and I always find a way for them to dump and walk away from me…. I’m actually pretty good at it now…

So I am back to being alone, back to “what I want”… it’s just, it’s not what I want…. I want to be with someone, I want to have a good life… I just can’t seem to get over this dark force that is keeping me from opening up…

I think that is all I was wanting to get out in the open… not sure it’s actually done me any good, maybe time will tell…. I don’t even know what I expect from putting all this down on a public forum to be honest…. I guess I just wanted someone to know what I was going through every day of my life, and why I usually appear as though nothing is good, or I am impressed with anything that happens…

I have spoken to several doctors and other “professional” people, but to be honest, they don’t listen, don’t care and just want to put me on drugs… I do not like drugs, I do not take them, and I have very severe reactions to them… 

I do try and be positive, read loads of self-help books, done the NLP thing, slapped myself, I know it’s all wrong, I even tried to kill myself in a motorbike accident a few years ago now (so my life insurance would pay out for my niece and nephews) I know I should be big enough and strong enough to fight it… but I just can’t…. there is a song title that goes something like “protect me from what I want” and I feel like I need something, or someone to get me away from being alone and totally miserable for the rest of my life, as that is what I feel like I want….

But for now, I'm back in my safe cave, following my own patented "cueball break up plan" and just grinding out the days....

So there we go..... 

:thumb:


----------



## Grawschbags

The Cueball said:


> Why am I writing this…. Well I'm fed up, I'm completely fed up, tired, lonely, angry at the way I am living my life and the things that I go through on a daily basis…


Thanks for sharing. I'm not in a position to be able to give advice, but I think it's a big thing being able to open up about it.

I used to be fantastic at sabotaging relationships in the past, and always managed to bail as soon as I seen them getting too serious. I think this is partly to blame for the anxiety I have these days.


----------



## Grawschbags

kh904 said:


> I see where you're coming from, but i think you still may be burying some issues if you can't sit & think on your own, and your doing all these activities to stop you from confronting your issues maybe?
> 
> Maybe, when you have some time to yourself & some privacy, maybe start asking what exactly is bothering me, why do i feel angry or upset, and go through it logically back to the root cause (basically it's like CBT - cognitive behavioural therepy).


I am in two minds as to whether I am burying issues or not. I talk to my partner regarding it, and my closest friends - all of which can't offer me the reassurances/advice I need to get through it.

My story is - in September of last year I started to experience pins and needles in my hands and feet. This went on for a week or two before I went to the doctors. Doctors ran some blood test, couldn't find anything untoward, so ran some more. Again, nothing untoward with my results. Docs said it could be stress as I had changed jobs 6 months prior to all this happening.

My problem is that while they were doing all these blood tests I got it in to my head that there was something more serious wrong with me and the doctors and their blood tests weren't picking up on it. I started to have panic attacks and thought it was the end of the world as I had never experienced them before. Went to the hospital to NHS 24 only to be told what I was experiencing was a panic attack, and that I should arrange a follow-up appointment with my doctor to discuss this. Made the appointment with my doctor and he agreed that it sounded like a panic attack. He gave me a leaflet on anxiety and suggested I read it to see if any of my symptoms match with what was in the leaflet, they did!

Obviously it will be on my medical notes that I have some sort of anxiety issue, and I feel that every time I went to the doctors afterwards they just cast me off as being a hypochondriac with all the symptoms I was experiencing and couldn't get me out the room quick enough.

Ever since then I have been fighting the depths of despair with prospects of cancer. But my favourite worry is that of having MS. As the symptoms of anxiety can be quite close to those of an MS sufferer I can't get these thoughts out of my head.

I went back to the docs and told them my MS fears, and the doctor actually listened and reassured me that it was highly unlikely as they would have seen patterns in my blood results if that was the case. I felt better for a while, but the all consuming thoughts just keep coming back and beating me down just when I think I'm getting on top of it again.

I've thought about going back to the doctors again to see if it was worth going to see a therapist regarding this. I definitely don't want to become reliant on any medication as I know I have it in me to beat it by myself if just given some guidance.


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## FiestaDan

being active really does help depression and its symptoms as i have found out before


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## JenJen

I was nodding while reading cues balls post and see where he is coming from! Hope your ok cues and if you ever want to chat you know where I am!


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## The Cueball

JenJen said:


> I was nodding while reading cues balls post and see where he is coming from! Hope your ok cues and if you ever want to chat you know where I am!


Cheers...thanks for the offer.... I'm OK... I'm sure I'll survive somehow! :lol:

:thumb:


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## Derekh929

The Cueball said:


> Hmm, I had this all planned out in my head, and I've suddenly went blank when trying to type it…
> 
> Why am I writing this…. Well I'm fed up, I'm completely fed up, tired, lonely, angry at the way I am living my life and the things that I go through on a daily basis…
> 
> The main reason I guess I am here is that I am a very, very private person, I don't have many people to speak to at the best of times, and even when I try to open up, they have "real" problems and worries whereas I don't… in their eyes anyway.
> 
> So please bear with me as I take the easy route and spill my guts hiding behind a computer, and being a faceless nobody.
> 
> On the surface, I have nothing to be sad about, I have no worries.
> 
> I have a great job, my own house and cars, I wear nice clothes and I have other material things that many people wish for, I have no debt and no money worries. Yes I have worked hard to get all these, and I think to the outside world I have everything sussed and I am nice and calm, and contented.
> 
> When I go out, and when and if I want to be, I can be the life and soul of any party, I can talk to anyone, I'm not shy, I am not scared and I can chat and pull almost any female I want… the key to that part is if and when…
> 
> Most of the time however I live in a constant battle with myself, always in pain and sadness… everything is black with me and everything is dull and boring.
> 
> I am mean to people I love, I push them away, I hurt them, and I am scared of letting people in my life.
> 
> When I am with someone, I have this internal battle every moment of every day that I don't want to be happy, I want to be on my own, even though I know they are helping me and improving my life… I have this self-destruct devil that keeps dripping into my brain that I need to get out, stop allowing someone to love me….
> 
> Case in point… I have just been dumped (again) a few months ago…. My ex, was without doubt the best thing to ever happen to me, she was almost everything I wanted and was looking for in a partner… she was funny, clever, absolutely stunning, she loved me and I'm sure would have looked after me, protected and nurtured me for the rest of my days (I believe partners do all of that for each other, I don't expect someone just to do it for me - I tried my best for her)… if I had only let her into my dark little f***d up life…
> 
> Why did I get dumped… well after a few years together, she wanted to move in… very reasonable request, most guys would have jumped at the chance… what did I do…. Started shouting and screaming at her that the best she will ever get from me is a couple of weekends together every month…. She quite rightly walked away.
> 
> I have had a few exes in the past, and I always find a way for them to dump and walk away from me…. I'm actually pretty good at it now…
> 
> So I am back to being alone, back to "what I want"… it's just, it's not what I want…. I want to be with someone, I want to have a good life… I just can't seem to get over this dark force that is keeping me from opening up…
> 
> I think that is all I was wanting to get out in the open… not sure it's actually done me any good, maybe time will tell…. I don't even know what I expect from putting all this down on a public forum to be honest…. I guess I just wanted someone to know what I was going through every day of my life, and why I usually appear as though nothing is good, or I am impressed with anything that happens…
> 
> I have spoken to several doctors and other "professional" people, but to be honest, they don't listen, don't care and just want to put me on drugs… I do not like drugs, I do not take them, and I have very severe reactions to them…
> 
> I do try and be positive, read loads of self-help books, done the NLP thing, slapped myself, I know it's all wrong, I even tried to kill myself in a motorbike accident a few years ago now (so my life insurance would pay out for my niece and nephews) I know I should be big enough and strong enough to fight it… but I just can't…. there is a song title that goes something like "protect me from what I want" and I feel like I need something, or someone to get me away from being alone and totally miserable for the rest of my life, as that is what I feel like I want….
> 
> But for now, I'm back in my safe cave, following my own patented "cueball break up plan" and just grinding out the days....
> 
> So there we go.....
> 
> :thumb:


Cuey well done getting it out in the open and i think you have had hurt in the past by the way you are acting, i had a mate that was engaged and was getting married when one day his partner decieded to leave and emigrate no warning no sign's nothing, he was devistated and found it hard and went of the rails for a while and his sister said it was years and years rill he got over it and his relationships never lasted after this untill finally got his self sorted.
Has something similar happened in the past to you or close family member? If your X was to see this i think you might get a chance to prove your self to here we are never to old to learn and say sorry hard it might be but i think my advice is go get here and complete the missing link company and a partner you respect, if you want a chat give me a shout.


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## The Cueball

Derekh929 said:


> Has something similar happened in the past to you or close family member? If your X was to see this i think you might get a chance to prove your self to here we are never to old to learn and say sorry hard it might be but i think my advice is go get here and complete the missing link company and a partner you respect, if you want a chat give me a shout.


No, nothing like that mate… I've just always been like this.

I've had loads of exes… 22 at the last count! :lol:

Lived with 3 of them, had and lost kids with 2 of them..

As I said, it's always me that finds a way to end it, or get them to end it with me…

I also have a pretty good record of the next guy my ex goes out with; she marries… now up to 5 like that! :lol:

No my ex wouldn't care about anything… she is the strongest willed person I have ever met, part of the reason I was with her… she has moved on, and so have I… no going back with that one.

The issue for me is I want any partner to be perfect, even though I'm nowhere near that myself, I am always looking for the perfect one… I've got to believe she is out there for me, so I just keep looking… never happy….

One of my exes is actually my best (female) friend…. And well… let's just say I know exactly what I did to mess everything up with her… and it's a massive list! :lol:

Cheers for the offer...

:thumb:


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## rinns

Cuey,

You sound like me, from an early age my grandma used to say I was as deep as the ocean, I wouldn't open up and found most things a chore or boring. Its hard to put into words the feeling as you don't know what is normal if you know what I mean.

My life has moved on now but I have never had a huge number of friends, not that they weren't available, I just used to distance myself from people.

I'm not sure I would class any of this as an illness but its who I am, the pushing folk away rings true. I go through big mood swings but carry on with the routine, the wife and kids have improved my life no end although I'm not fulfilled truly because I don't think it's possible. Like you I have no money worries compared to a lot of the general public. I guess what I want to say is that everyone is different but people can have the same problems what ever they may be.

Chin up ;-)


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## JenJen

I just wanted to say, just noticed some people have marked this as a 5tar thread - so thank you to all that have taken part either with there own life event or offering support/advice. 

Maybe admin could pin it so aanyone else can findk this thread! Thank you everyone xXx


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## Skodaw

I've never really had that many friends, most of my "friends" should really be referred to as work colleagues, as that's where I meet them usually.

I was on my own for years, kept myself to myself and didn't really want/need anybody else(as I thought at the time)

I've come to realise in the last five years it was me protecting myself, from the pain that can be inflicted by those we know, those we didn't know and those we loose. Let me xplain.

I never knew either of my Grandfather's, they were both killed during the 2nd world war. My paternal Grandmother became I'll with very severe cenial dementia(sp?) when I was very young and I can hardly remember her.

One of my uncles suffered from schizophrenia and tried multiple times to kill himself, eventually succeeding by taking an overdose whilst sat at my Grandfathers grave.

My mother was knocked down and killed at a bus stop, waiting for the bus home when I was sixteen. Due to my fathers extreme I'll health at the time, the Police had to notify me, and I then had to tell my father - which still remains the worse thing I have ever had to do.

My father then less than two years later was diagnosed at Xmas with brain tumours and died in the February.

After my father passed away, I was totally alone apart from my work colleague "friends"

I would go home, shut the door and not see or hear from anyone from one week to the next, quite often I would sit in the dark, with a drink and just get gradually more and more depressed. I did attempt suicide at one point, to this day I don't know what saved me cos I shouldn't be here now with the amount of pills I took.

I really did hit rock bottom, but one day in 2006, I decided that I would try and change my life - I moved to the Channel islands for a new job, which didn't work out but did give me a new outlook and a few months after being back home I met my fiancé Lisa.

Lisa quite frankly has transformed my life, since we've been together my home life bears no resemblance, and work life has improved immensely finally getting into management and getting myself sorted.

I'm now looking forward to a new chapter of my life, I'm getting married in six weeks and we recently moved into a beautiful new home.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes have really bad days, which I can't always explain - Lisa always picks up on it, I just say I'm fine when we both know I'm not, problem being I really sometimes don't know why I feel like I do - its just an emptiness that is really difficult to explain, but sometimes I wonder if it's still some kind of grieving I just don't know.

We have talked about starting a family, and it's somethingi have always wanted, but now its become a possibility, it frankly fills me with total dread, I know I couldn't cope with anymore loss - I just would not be able to deal with the loss of a child - I saw what it did to my grandmother. I know it's daft really but Lisa is now _The MOST important_ thing in my life, and the thought of her being put at risk or hurt during pregnancy drives me crackers and I can feel the old me fighting back, trying to pull me back to my "safe" existence.

I have to keep reminding myself that those days were not good, that my life has changed beyond measure for the good, and as long as I keep doing that I hope I will remain in a good place.

Sorry for the ramble, I've never really sat down and thought about all this, certainly not whilst typing it into an online forum:doublesho


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## Paulo

_I see a lot of similarities with myself in your post Cuey....

Keep your chin up, I know I am trying to do the same, but sometimes get fed up being the strong one for everyone around me...._


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## ShiningScotsman

Lot of brave people on this thread and I bet a lot of lurkers getting help or reassurance just from reading.
Hats Off to you people who are willing to share


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## SootyNicko

I've dipped in and out of this thread since it started and so many things I've read ring true and sometimes hit a little close to home. It is good that people can read that others have been, or still are going through, things like this.

I've read things that made me think, I wish I would have read this 4 years ago... but then I know I wasn't in the frame of mind to take it on board... people may think "thats not for me" or disagree etc. but there will be a time in the future when you can look back, having learnt, and realise that what has been written in this thread is right. 

I remember wanting to post very early on in this thread and never did, part of it was that those posting seemed to know each other quite well and were saying things a lot better than I could. 

Anyway... Huge thanks to all


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## Grawschbags

SootyNicko said:


> I remember wanting to post very early on in this thread and never did, part of it was that those posting seemed to know each other quite well and were saying things a lot better than I could.
> 
> Anyway... Huge thanks to all


If it helps get things out there in the open mate, post away. No one is looking for concise or well executed posts, its just a means to get things off your chest.

With the amount of members on this forum there is bound to be someone, if not many that have had similar experiences to yourself.

There seems to be a great deal of empathy amongst those participating in this thread.


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## Kriminal

SootyNicko said:


> I've dipped in and out of this thread since it started and so many things I've read ring true and sometimes hit a little close to home. It is good that people can read that others have been, or still are going through, things like this.
> 
> I've read things that made me think, I wish I would have read this 4 years ago... but then I know I wasn't in the frame of mind to take it on board... people may think "thats not for me" or disagree etc. but there will be a time in the future when you can look back, having learnt, and realise that what has been written in this thread is right.
> 
> I remember wanting to post very early on in this thread and never did, part of it was that those posting seemed to know each other quite well and were saying things a lot better than I could.
> 
> Anyway... Huge thanks to all


^ well put mate.

That's the beauty of DW - not as many heartless keyboard warriors as other car sites I've been on.

Without trying to sound too much like a dating agency : we're all strangers looking in at some point.... :thumb:


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## JenJen

I'm glad this thread had helped some. You don't have to post to be touched by it it some way... It's always nice to know that somewhere out there someone will be there for you and not judge! 

Huge thanks to all that have partaken in this thread to make it the success it's turned into.

I greet everyday as a new challenge and sometimes I find myself hiding in my bedroom under the cover thinking is it a new day yet?? 

Mental health issues will never just disappear but we can control them, it's a massive job although to some it seems so simple :-(


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## JenJen

Well I've hit a new challenge, finding out I'm expecting a baby! I'm worried that my tablets may harm the baby, even thou my doctor has said i have to continue taking them. 

I've found myself an emtional wreck of late! I've been cutting myself off from the world and cry at the smallest thing - I can't work out if it's my depression or just my eratic emotions going mental... 

Because of this I have broken sleep, also needing the loo every few hours isn't helping, then again I'm drinking for Scotland so in unsure if that's why or it's the baby reminding me she/he is growing! 

Oh well... Yet another challenge to climb but this one will be worth it...!


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## ShiningScotsman

Im no expert JenJen but I believe that regular trips to the loo, erratic emotions and chronic fatigue are all perfectly natural during pregnancy - the old hormones are going coco bongo 

One thing is for sure and that is worry is not god for you or the bump so wishing you all the best to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy.

Its a wonderful thing


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## Kriminal

Well, I guess it had to happen some time, so here goes :

After losing Dad, and then Benji, one thing's really picked away at me more than anything - the guilt I still carry for instructing the Vet to put Benji to sleep. I know at the time it was the right thing to do, and with him having kidney failure it just seemed so unfair to keep him in that condition; he couldn't even stand on his last day.

With this being done so close to my Dad's funeral; in fact, the day after; I think it felt 'easier' at the time, as I was already feeling an immense anger and pain, that nothing could really break me down any further.

So, up to Today's reason for posting. My Sister's workmate had to go to a Wedding Yesterday, where she would be staying overnight, and having a Collie dog with she got from the kennels, she was a tad afraid of putting it back in kennels for one night...

...and so my Sister, having asked me and Mum first, volunteered our home as a 'sleep-over' for the dog.

The dog was so loving, kind, fun, a little hyper!...but so happy. All I could think about was Benji, and found it hard to show TOO much love to this animal, although I couldn't help but show affection and play.

Sat at the computer last night, on my favourite site, I felt a wave of emotion overcome me, and tears began settling around my eyes, which I managed to contain, somehow.

I went back downstairs later to be greeted by the friendly face of Bracken, the Collie. Still being happy and playful, he finally rested, lying with the same kind of expressions and coat patterns as Benji had. My mind began to wander again, feeling guilt, wanting reassurance and answers to both Benji and Dad's passings.

Going to be with an active mind didn't help much as I felt uneasy about getting to sleep. I prayed that I could see my Dad and Benji, imagining that I was there in heaven with the two of them. Hugging my Dad, I felt the gentle scratching on the back of my leg - it was Benji. Looking down at his face, I comforted him, and he comforted me. Dad didn't say too much, but one thing I do remember is that he told me that I wasn't ready; wasn't ready to make contact as yet (which I can agree with, due to my instability)...

..after spending time walking with the two of them, letting out everything that I wished I had said, and expressing my sorrow and regrets, I left.

I woke up with tears streaming from my eyes, but no sound. The wave of emotion I had felt earlier, sat in front of the keyboard, had finally made it's way to shore!

The owners came and collected the dog, Today at just after 1, and I'm partly glad they have done so.

If I have learned anything from my experience with having Bracken for the night, is that I don't feel I can EVER have another dog.

To think I'm going to Majorca for a week, Tomorrow, you would never believe it if you could see my face now.


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## Dixondmn

JenJen said:


> Well I've hit a new challenge, finding out I'm expecting a baby!


Congratulations.


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## Grawschbags

Kriminal said:


> Well, I guess it had to happen some time, so here goes :


It was a tough time for you mate, I remember seeing your posts. I'm not surprised you have been down thinking about it all.

We had to get a dog put down before as well. I couldn't stop sobbing while I was saying goodbye to him. Its taken a few years, but we have now got another dog. I still have the memories of him that never fail to put a smile on my face though, and our new dog will never be a replacement for him. He has his own character! 

Keep your chin up mate.


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## leisure

I'd say an awful lot more people have some sort of disorder than is realised. By that I mean I wouldn't be surprised if at least half the population has something from extremely minor OCD (ahem - detailers anyone?!) and low level ADD to full scale bi-polar, schizophrenia, etc.
Des Moines boot camp


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## Exotica

JenJen said:


> I just wanted to say, just noticed some people have marked this as a 5tar thread - so thank you to all that have taken part either with there own life event or offering support/advice.
> 
> Maybe admin could pin it so aanyone else can findk this thread! Thank you everyone xXx


I agree , Admin?


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## voon

Been there, done that, still doing it. 

I find it sad, that everyone will accept a broken arm in a cast, but can't accept the soul can break.


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## Guitarjon

I should apologise in advance here as I haven't read the whole thread. 

Basically I have always been a bit ignorent to depression. I'll be honest I thought it was something made up. After reading peoples stories though it does seem to sound more real than I ever believed it to be. 

If you are generally unhappy in your job for a long time how long can it take people to crack? I honestly don't mean this in any bad way but I feel I was almost at that point the other week. Luckily I had a week off due to half term (I'm a primary school teacher). 

Anyone who knows teaching knows it's not an easy job. The majority of classes always have 'naughty' children. However, these children are usually manageable with experience and good classroom management. You do get the odd one who can make life a living hell. 

Since September I have been punched, kicked, bitten on a daily basis all of which I can handle as I'm a grown man but the children in my class and other classes in school are absolutely petrified. Not to mention the constant attention seeking behaviour, classroom wrecking and common name calling sometimes 4/5 times a day. Things are starting to happen with outside agencies but they are never in a rush. I am literally pulling every trick out of the book. 

As I said before, I'm not a new teacher but still plenty of experience to gain but I am starting to loose site. A few weeks ago I had to phsyically restrain him numerous times throughout the week. The head was off 'ill' - another story all together. On the Wednesday I was restraining him for over 30 minutes. I was the only person cable as I work with many quaint females, who to be frank, make a meal of it - they are not phsyically built to with stand him. After he had eventually tired (started crying and curled up in a ball) I left the room - he had come round at that point and was no longer a danger (his personality mentally changes). I burst out crying. Not because he'd broken my skin and I'd got a load of bruises everywhere but because I was mentally tired. He was excluded for the rest of the week. Monday he was bubbling but was ok. Tuesday was full force again. He had been around hitting other children on the playground and ran off. Best to leave him and get the children in. I came in and told the deputy where he was (the school is secure so no danger to him- the deputy just watches out the window to ensure he comes to no harm). About 10 minutes later he came to my outside door and rather than knocking just started throwing bricks and kicking the door in. I looked at my TA and just said what the heck do I do. Later than day he had kicked off a few more times- more restraining. This time with a bit more support. I went to the toilet at break and another boy (who has other issues) was flicking the light off as the light was on the outside. I walked into the staff room and said I can not even have a sheite in piece and just couldn't comprehend what I was doing at the time. I went into the classroom and just said I dont know what to do. As soon as I open the door I will have loads of kids saying he did this she did that. Luckily my TA basically took control of the lesson. 

Had I got to the point of depression? 

Since the holidays he has kicked off every day. I started back refreshed and worked on our relationship. Now he is going for it everyday I don't know how long I'll be able to keep face for. 

He has been the biggest challenge of my career so far. Sorry to rant on but it kinda helps. I am just worried that things may get too far. I would be too worried to approach the head about any sort of depression as the last member of staff to have 2 weeks stress off wasn't thought of very well. She basically broke down at the hospital for something totally un-related. It also reflects on your future employment. 2nd week back and it's already getting hard. My worry is that there is a long time until the next holidays. 

Do you know when you have had enough? Does it just happen? Will I know? Can you stop it before it goes too far?


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## Titanium Htail

^^I teach also, your post mentions some of the symptoms associated with stress, so you need additional help and support. 

Good Luck, John.

I have sent you a pm.


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## Adam D

Guitarjon,

I don't envy you guys having to teach children who don't want to be taught and are disruptive.

I can understand why you do not want to be signed off sick with depression, but is there any chance of seeing your GP and talking things over with him/her?

Take care mate and I hope things improve for you.


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## stevie_m

Only read a few here, my heart goes out to you guys/gals.

My black period happened when I was 16 when I had to move away for work for my apprenticeship, basically from Monday to Friday I was away from family and friends. I didn't notice it at the time but I slowly drifted apart from my "so-called" friends... Obviously kids being kids they don't notice that people are needing either a drag out or some sort of help from time to time. Well I got nowt from them, so I did this for travelling for the best part of two years and when that two years had past we had moved in completely different directions (which prob would have happened anyway looking back now as everyone from the group have either paired off and pissed off). I didn't receive any help or tell anyone about this ... They just thought I shut myself out from the world, well this happened from 1996 to 2002.

Things changed in 2002 when my met my then girlfriend ... now wife, for the best part of a year everything was great, then my wife and I were expecting our first child in Oct 2003. When I first held my son I had the overwhelming feel of the weight of the world on my shoulders, that knocked me for six for the first 6 or 7 months of my son's life, what didnt help was my wife bolting with my son when i was away at work. I know for a fact that my mother-in-law had a hand in it. It didn't go away until my wife went away for her cousins hen weekend and I was left to fend for my son and I. There was always that sinking feeling that she was too good for me and through my own problems could shut her out from my life, not noticing that she has her own problems to deal with the birth of my son. 

A year and a bit went past then after my sons second birthday we had our second child. I luckily enough didn't fall back into the "old habit" but then had severe money troubles which brought a lot of stress on me, because of the money troubles I shut her out again (I think it's my coping mechanism to get through rough times), didn't feel loved, wanted or appreciated. We broke up for the best part of six months, in those six months I started sorting out my finances and had every weekend with my children which I began to connect with again.

Well after those six months we got back together and finally got married, back on a level par with money then we had our third child. Luckily this time I haven't had any problems, I now have a great paying job, we live in a bigger and better house. I'm now working away from home for three month at a time, and this time away I can say makes me grateful for every second I spend with my wife and kids, I do not take them for granted.

I do have my down days but being so far away from my loved ones can do that to anyone. I just knuckle down and pound my way through the days till I get home.

Now my only worries are for my wife and children, I'm not going to go into problems that my wife has day to day, but I can only help so much without doing everything.

My biggest worry is my eldest will follow in my footsteps, as in July he was diagnosed with Aspergers (which I think I passed onto him ... It would explain a lot of my problems through my life).


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